It's very difficult to watch our children in pain and feel helpless because we can't do or say anything to make them feel better. I don't think it's selfish tbh I think it's natural. One of my children went through an extremely difficult break up which coincided with a very stressful period in her work life. I saw the light go out of her and she was just so sad and shut down that I wondered if she'd ever come out of it. She struggled on but eventually got some counselling which really did help her to come to terms with what had happened to her. She also made some positive changes in her work/life balance and I'm pleased to say that five years down the line, she's in a really good place and is back to being the happy, outgoing person she used to be.
Don't lose heart, bereavement takes it's own course, your daughter is still there but ATM she's struggling to come to terms with her new reality and that will be very hard for her. I coped by talking to friends about my worries for her, whereas with my daughter, I tried to be a good listener. I think sometimes as parents we want to find solutions for our children, wave our magic wand and kiss things better but sometimes we don't have the means to take away their pain and that can feel very tough but our solid, stable presence can be a rock for them when everything else around them has been shaken to the core. I send my best wishes to you.
.