February book club - This Is How It Always Is

In her preamble to Early Readers Laurie Frankel says, “Thank you, thank you, for allowing me to share this story with you.” In response I’d like to say to Laurie, “Thank you so much for having the courage to write this and put it out there.” Thanks too to Gransnet for featuring this book.
As others have already said, I wouldn’t normally have been drawn to read about the issues presented here. However, in her preamble, the author tells us that she has a child who was a boy and is now a little girl. This shaped my acceptance of the novel as from one who has walked in those shoes and inspired my admiration for what the author and her family must have gone through.
I found this a thought provoking read. I have no personal experience of gender dysphoria. However, the author’s writing style makes it all feel so real and the story is truly engaging. By placing Claude/Poppy in a big family she is able to explore the effects of gender dysphoria on siblings. Rosie and Penn are doing the best they can for Claude/Poppy and sometimes this seriously disrupts the lives of their other children. Secrets take their toll on all involved. The hypocrisies of society’s attitude to gender are well evoked, as is the intolerance of those who see this as a perversion. Overall, it demonstrates that many of the divisions we cling to are based on our own lack of knowledge.
I loved the use of the Grumwald and Princess Stephanie bedtime story as key to helping everyone make sense of everything. However, I was less convinced by the third part of the novel when the scene shifts to Thailand, where Rosie and Claude/Poppy find solace in Buddhism, Ladyboys and medical missionary zeal. While these served to bring about the hopeful and bright end of the novel, it seemed altogether too neat....But I’m open to being convinced otherwise!
If a definition of a good book is that it draws you in and stays with you, then this is indeed a very good book.

My question for Laurie is the obvious one: Will there be a sequel?

I enjoyed this book and it was not one I would have chosen either.
I found some parts long and drawn out, such as the Grunwald story. I would have preferred more of the human interaction and less metaphorical messages.
I didn't like the story ending there and would love to know what happened next. I also think that there is a film in it.

Thank you for this book. I am not sure I would have bought this book (due to subject matter).
My sympathy goes out to the author not because of her child who sounds as delightful as all children are at this age, but, she must have bared her soul writing this book, and the decisions to write it must have been difficult. I would definitely recommend this to my friends, in a similar vein to The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time I can say I enjoyed the book immensely. I liked where the book finished and thought this was much better to leave the future to the readers imagination. I feel Claude was very lucky to have such intelligent and supportive parents.

I found this book to be uncomfortable reading. The gender issue is close to home as we have a relative who is transgender and the approach of many of the book's characters didn't ring true to my own experience; no reason why it should as we're all unique, but I couldn't find a way through the dissonance. The writing style wasn't easy for me to get into either and some parts seemed overdone (bedtime stories) and others just odd (Thailand).
The old adage to write about what you know is a good one, but perhaps this is a book that could have waited a few years before being written.

I read this book on my kindle and was a but frustrated with it. I skimmed through the fairy story passages. Too slow and predictable. I couldn't believe that 4 older brothers would be supportive of Claude/ Poppy all the time and there wouldn't be any teasing /bullying going on seemingly at any time. I'm not sure if parents should be so completely supportive of a young child's choices. I know it is the liberal thing to do, but is it always in the child's best interests? I know that's part of the debate. I know gender is a social/ psycholical as well as biological issue, but in this book not much was done to address the child's psychological issues apart from a strange counsellor and uprooting the whole family to accommodate the child's wishes. So I found the story unsatisfactory on several levels.

I found this a captivating read, like being the fly on a family's wall watching how they deal with the transgender wishes of a family member. The emotions of the situation are generally delicately looked at and dealt with including of those who react in an intolerant way to the trans community. If fiction aims to put the reader in shoes they would not normally wear then this certainly does that. It is brave of the writer to use her own experiences and reveal them. I felt the move to Thailand was overly dramatic and sudden so could Laurie say why she chose to deal with the situation in that way. Have you any thoughts on a sequel following Claude/Poppy through to adulthood? In the real world do you think transgender people are becoming more accepted?

Oh how I loved this book and the trials and tribulations of a TG child. So sensitively done and the pi play so fascinating. aEspecially enjoyed parrarrel story, how could anyone not understand!!
I was so disappointed to finish it!
Please write us some more about Poppy Claude!!
I have an old friend with a trangesgender child who is attending cg clinic .

I did not like or enjoy this book. It fictionalised a situation far too complex to be to be portrayed as fiction.
There was no resolution to Claude/Poppy's life. Did he/she medicate/transgender or did he/she end up wearing dresses with a beard? I feel the author has a long way to go to resolve these issues but my very best wishes are with her and her child in their future.

I did wonder whether I was going to like this book but oh yes I did!

I found it thought provoking, funny and sad in parts. I think it showed a compassionate understanding of the struggle to be what you really are - unique. Not an easy task to pull off but Laurie did it.

It also illustrated the unexpected challenges parenthood brings but also showed what it means to be loved in a family. This book deserves acclaim for the way it tackled a difficult subject with such sensitivity.

No questions, just thanks for this book which I loved.

CariGransnet

How do I put my name forward for the book draw for the next Bookclub book? I can read it in the time frame. I am going to try and get Laurie's book (even though its too late to comment?) because it looks interesting.

So is mine, callgirl. I'm struggling to get into this book. Will persevere a bit longer.

My cover is white, with yellow/gold writing.

I have just finished this book, having had an unexpected free afternoon on such a grey day. I found it very interesting and really wanted to know how things turned out for the lovely Claude/Poppy.

I would like to ask the author how much she was influenced by popular culture. My granddaughter has (sadly) just made the transition between Disney Junior and Disney and we watch a lot of shows about slightly kooky large families ( specifically one called Stuck in the Middle). The early parts of the story seemed very like this, though not so much after the move to Seattle.

I was surprised by the Thailand section, but enjoyed the descriptive passages and made to think by the contrast in attitudes expressed by the characters there.Has the author been to Thailand?

The story within the story was a clever device.

This is a book which gives you food for thought on many levels. It is quite American, but I probably watch too many U.S. programmes so didn't find that a problem!

I notice that a different cover is illustrated on Gransnet's main page - I think the one I got is very striking and hope it is the one the publishers stick with.

I am not finding this book readable at all. Far from not being able to put it down, I have to make myself pick it up in an attempt to get to the end. I am about 3/4 of the way through and finding it very hard going.

Lost interest a third the way through, not a book for me although a very fashionable subject at present.

The book weaves itself around the story of Claude, the youngest sibling in a family of boys. From the inset the parents have an inkling that maybe they were to blame for Claude's wish to be a girl.After all they had wanted a fifth child, hoping to change the run of sons, and had tried to influence the likelihood by following old wives tale's basically. Claude is absolutely lovely and I was with him every step of the way in his journey. His brothers keep him grounded, his parents indulge him in the best possible way to help him be himself. It's a hefty book, bittersweet, funny and very readable.

Dear Laurie,
I write this in answer to the letter you wrote to your readers.
I wasn't sure I wanted to read the book, would I be comfortable with it, would I feel it was like watching a car crash unfold, sort of disrespecting to look in on it.
I am here to tell you I was delighted by your book. While I realise it is fiction, I think it is very brave of you to write on this subject when you are going through such a similar experience with your own child. That obviously both helped, and I should imagine hindered a little in how much you wanted to reveal.

I feel educated by the book and charmed equally by Poppy and Claude, I thought the family dealt with the issues in such an upbeat way, and although they didn't always get stuff right, I think they went through a metamorphosis too.

I loved how you brought Thailand into the story and how it helped to see that people are people no matter how they live and to quote the book 'Whatever they have in their pants'

I came away from the book feeling positive and I am glad you gave us this story and I find myself wishing you well and hoping for good things for your loved little girl.
Well done and Thank you.

I got my copy and was really looking forward to reading it. Took it with me yesterday on a business trip to Yorkshire - and on the way home left my handbag on the tube! I've reported it, and am waiting to hear if I'll ever see it (and the book inside it) again.

Having only just picked my copy up from the sorting office (thank you very much for my free copy GN) I began reading last night. The cover is fab by the way. I am only about 20 pages in but will comment further when I have read some more.

I wasn`t too sure about the book when I started it, but ended up thoroughly enjoying it, mainly, I think, because the author was writing from experience.

I enjoyed this book very much, and feel that I have been gently educated while being entertained.

I'd like to ask if Laurie intends to write further about the issues in a teenage or young adult context.

Thanks again for the opportunity to read about a subject I might otherwise have missed.

Thank you for my copy of 'This is how it always is' I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Laurie Frankel has bravely written a explicit account of family life with a transgender child. The descriptions of the family members and how they interact with each other is so accurate and picturable. No spoilers here but the latter part of the book highlights such a difference in cultures, it's vivid. I loved the bedtime story and it's moral in a fairytale theme. Grumwald and Princess Stephanie are so integral to understanding Claude/Poppy/the family making sense of everything. It's very cleverly interwoven. No questions for Laurie.... Just praise for being brave enough to write about something so close to home and for clearly having the ability to accept how it is. Thank you for sharing I intend to pass on this book to my daughter who will be very interested in it as she works with 'dysfunctional' labelled families and often remarks on how we need more acceptance and less conformity.

I am so exited to get one, smashing!!
Do I read then review, is my first !!!

so

I have only read the first few chapters but have already had to look up a few things. A glossary of the American terms used would help us Brits!