Upset about disorganized book group

I agree with you. With a similar kind of group I belong with, we don't move the dates. Everyone knows when it is. If they make other plans on that day then they are making that choice. Some predictability is needed.

You have my sympathy. Similar situation with my book group.

I`ve never been in a book group, but can`t see the problem in getting through one book a month. I wouldn`t bother reading any of my own choices until the book club one was finished, so no problem.

I have belonged to a book group for 13years, mostly women, the few men that have joined have only stayed with us for a short time understandably, one man with eight women must be uncomfortable. Just a few have dropped out, but for very genuine reasons. At present there are eight of us and we have all been together for at least 10years. I am proud to say that we have always discussed any problems and have always found total agreement. If for any reason anyone can't finish the book, we accept that and they can listen to what the rest of the group say about the book. Some books have been so boring we have all given upon it, and accepted each others opinions. A book group is meant to be enjoyable and fun to discuss, why are all these bossy women all wanting there own way. We would not accept this behaviour in our group. We meet once a month on the first Tuesday at a set time in our local Library. The book group is not organised by the Library, but the Library appreciate our interests. I cannot understand what the problem is, if you read the book you discuss it, if you don't then sit quiet and listen, read the next book, if you don't finish it, discuss as much as you have read. It isn't school with a rigid set of rules. Bossy women are always trouble makers.

The thing is this was all rescheduled by text, and I was busy at work so didn’t read until 5 of 7 said no problem to change to next week. So majority was fine with changing except tha5 I had already scheduled my day off, and a replacement found.

Anyway, I spent the evening watching a movie with DH. water under the bridge ...

That's such a shame CanadianGran. I just read the thread and had hoped you'd say it had been changed back.

I think it's fair enough for the individuals to respond saying it's okay with each of them but once they realised it's not okay with you, they should have stuck to the original date.

I hope you can get them to commit to a regular arrangement for the future.

Thanks for all the feedback. Unfortunately I won't be able to attend the group next week (the pushed-back date) since I will be working, and won't take another day off. I will send in a written feedback.

I think mainly I'm just so disappointed! I love these ladies, and so look forward to seeing them all and discussing the books. Perhaps I wouldn't have been as upset if it were normal times, but we are craving social connection, even if it is by skype until we can get together again. I told my DH that I feel like a jilted date!

The thing is that we had this issue a few years ago when we had one member who always had something going on, so we decided on 3rd Thursday of the month. There are some books that not everyone has finished but normally the ladies will still come in for the social, and often are prompted to go ahead and finish it based on others reviews.

I will let them know how disappointed I am. Ours is a small town so not so easy to find another group, certainly not one as generally (usually) cohesive as ours. We generally have 10 meetings a year, avoiding July and Aug when we may get together or not depending on who is in town. Most of us are in our 50's or early 60's so still working, but I am the only one doing an afternoon shift occasionally. We have even gone away for a weekend together in October in a lakeside cabin and had a wonderful time together. Such fun.

I'm also grateful to all you who take time to connect to other on this forum. Thank you.

I’d be cross about that, too, Canadiangran, especially as it’s your book choice! It’s very rude to make changes that don’t suit everyone. I’d send an email saying that as it’s your book choice, you’d really like to join in and want the meeting at a time that makes that possible.

In my own book group, we meet on the same day in the third week of the month. When people started having GC caring responsibilities there were requests to change the dates to accommodate school holidays etc but of course different schools had different dates, so it was an impossible task. We decided then that we’d stick to the same day and if you couldn’t attend, you couldn’t attend and so be it.

If one member hasn’t finished the book - hard luck! We discuss the book in full as it’s pointless to do otherwise. We choose the books at our Christmas social meeting (online last year, obvs) so apart from January’s choice everyone has plenty of time in which to read the books.

You have every right to be annoyed, I would be too! My suggestion???? Start up another book Group, set the ground rules, if people can't make a meeting, too bad, let them submit their review by email or whatever method is used. After all this time of you being a member these flaky people want to bend the rules to suit themselves.......really.

I belong to the most disorganised book club ever, fortunately we are all OK with that as secretly it's just an excuse to meet at the pub, have a nice meal and talk about what we are really interested in, which is not reading books! No-one ever sticks to the chosen book, therefore the discussion is pretty limited but I always come away with several suggestions of what to read next. We've had a couple of zoom meetings but they are not the same and we had a couple of garden meetings last year but really I'm just happy to wait for the pub to open again. It's totally sloppy, we are forever changing dates but we all get on very well and when we do meet up we enjoy ourselves.

janeainsworth

Sarnia I loved the Glass Castle.
Have you read Educated by Tara Westover? Another memoir of how someone overcame a very adverse upbringing.

I haven't read 'Educated' but I will look forward to reading it. I will pit it forward for our book club. Thank You.

If a book group is a casual, mainly social affair I guess it doesn’t matter how it’s run, but if it’s primarily for reading and sharing views on a variety of books, I feel it benefits from some organisation.

Ah! Shuggie Bain Urmstongran. I read it, one of the few Booker winners I’ve been able to understand, but found it made me feel sad for a long time afterwards.

We have a rule that if someone attends who hasn't finished the book they can't ask for the ending not to be revealed. It was surprising how many people honestly thought that this was a reasonable request!

Some turn up after the first hour, but that usually means that the discussion is disrupted and tails off, which is a shame if someone has got more to say.

I suspect that the people who agreed to the change will have had nothing much else to do, so weren't bothered one way or the other - they probably didn't think about your circumstances, and now that you have pointed them out may take them on board in future.

I wonder if you could say that you are booking in your leave for the year ahead, and need to be sure that you have enough free days to attend all meetings, so could it be agreed that dates wouldn't be changed unless there is no alternative?

My experience of book clubs is they only as good as the members make them. The original one I joined had some truly awful opinionated and pushy women. I left because I found my main pleasure became not the book but annoying the other members.
Me bad. I then joined a Crime Club. The ladies were great. Unfortunately it stopped when COVID came.

That's not on Canadagran.
A committee I am on had to work around All our commitments. There is nothing wrong with you saying I'm working or not available during these times.
Get your say in. You'll probably find others in the group understanding. Quite often I find it's one person who wants to control the arena.

Urms, I quite liked the idea of 'onepumaship', You might have started a new trend in exotic pets!
Seriously, I do agree that the OP's book group were inconsiderate. Ours is very clear about meeting dates and has never diverged. I'm a bit naughty and haven't always finished the book, but I'm always there to give my opinion on the bits I have read.

I think the group should stick to the arranged dates - especially as it's only once a month. If some haven't finished the book, that's their problem.

For myself, it wouldn't be that much of an issue but I can see that in your case it is very unfair and I can see why you are annoyed. Anyway, it could be a slippery slope to complete disorganisation and people leaving the group.

Oh god ... *Shuggie sorry about this!

Duh. Should have proof read! In fact it’s faster than having to correct myself.
*one-upmanship of course!

My friend and I started a book club over 15y ago (not one-puma ship here, just showing how well it has worked). A founder member suggested we meet every 2 months and I think that decision has been key to our success.

We there have 5 meetings a year with the 6th one (December) always a social occasion. A meal out and (pre-Covid) always fun. 2 monthly meetings gives everyone the chance not only to read the book (loved Snuggie Bains by the way CanadianGran I read it last summer and it stayed on my mind for ages afterwards - a great Booker prize winner in my opinion!) but stops reading becoming too ‘prescriptive’ for us slower readers, or busier people - not all of us are retired it’s a mixed age group which adds much to our discussions!

The date, once set, is sacrosanct. In all these years we’ve never altered it. It just wouldn’t be fair to all concerned. Members who haven’t read it often come along (if they don’t it’d be four months till we next see them!). Book reading ought not to be like homework. Read it, or not it’s up to the individual. Again 2 months gives everyone plenty of time! Why is it that sometimes, considering I’m #lazygran I’ve had to cram my reading into the last week before we meet haha!
?

I am in a book group with 7 members, and I think this sort of thing would happen if we didn’t have a few, not too onerous ground rules.

Such as aiming to read a book once a month, if possible, why join a book group if you can’t do that? Keeping to the regular date and time, trying to send a review if unable to attend. We are good at taking turns to discuss, no one hogs, and it has worked well for us even on zoom.

Sarnia I loved the Glass Castle.
Have you read Educated by Tara Westover? Another memoir of how someone overcame a very adverse upbringing.

It is bad manners to change the time of a meeting when some have committed to the former time, unless there is an extraordinary excuse.

If this happened to me I'd stay with the group only if if the company was so rewarding that I'd overlook the bad management.

I used to belong to a book group, and it helped me into the habit of reading novels again.

I am reading The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. It is about life and ethics in sparsely rural life, especially with regard to relationships with other men and animals.

I agree with the others. I have also been in a group where we shifted the day for one particular member who, more often than not, made an excuse at the last minute and didn’t turn up. Very annoying . Some people are just inconsiderate and they don’t have a clue that they may be being, well, selfish. Keep your eyes peeled for a new group!