Not the same thing I know but a few years ago I became a carer for my lovely dad who sadly is no longer with us.
As time went on he needed more and more care, I was told I could become his full time carer and get paid for it, but that would mean giving up my job. I looked into it and if I had have given up my job my take home money per week would be less over half than if I stayed in work.
I could not afford to give up work so I had to carry on working and do more and more for dad as his needs became more dependable on me .
The last year off his life was very hard, he offered to go into a home but I asked him did he really want to and he said no but he didn't want to "put " on me any more. I told him that between him and me we would cope, he loved his little flat and thats where he stayed until his last few days. He did so much for me in his life it was only fair I repaid him back as best I could.
bruff as you have said "its not fair" but what can we do.... we grit our teeth and get on with it, after all they are our loved ones, we are never going to turn our backs on them.
This and other goverments know that by getting the likes of you and me to care for our family with out giving us a penny saves them a lot of money and thats what it all boils down to
bruff I wish you all the best