Home care package for 92 year old father

mishap my heart goes out to you and your dear Dad xx

Lots of (((hugs))) - Perhaps it's getting near your dad's time to wind down? if he doesn't want to get up, why should he? It took a little persuasion for my mother to pee into her incontenence pad rather than ask for a bed pan, but having been told it would avoid the discomfort of the pan, she was much happier. Would he accept pads at night?

(i'm now off to visit mum. She has, as the nurse said, slipped over the edge. Previously it's been a step down and then levelling for a bit but now she's accepting what's to be and happy to go. The time is right.
The care home are being wonderful. She's kept warm and comfortable. Given sips of whatever drink she fancies and puréed food - but only if she wants it. They offer, but don't make her feel obliged. We've been so lucky with this care home)

mishap how awful for all of you. (((hugs)))

Mishap my 93 year old father was in the same condition regarding bowel and bladder problems, and he just said that he'd had enough, and wanted it all to end.
I wouldn't have wanted him to be made to move around if he didn't want it, as he found it so painful.

Have you asked him if he wants to be left alone to rest? Maybe he is doing it because he thinks you (the family) want him to, and he'd be glad to stop.

Forgive me, I know it's none of my business

Just returned from 3 days with Dad - he is a pitiful sight and can do nothing for himself. Everything about it all is totally undignified and he is in pain.

The live-in carer is a kind lady - but from a different culture, which is hard for a 93 year old to deal with - language nuances etc are a problem. But she is kind and loving and treats him as if he were her own grandad. There are also waking night carers who are being called constantly in the night.

The rehab team are keen to get him moving; but in some ways it does not seem a kindness at his age, as he is indifferent to it really, and thoroughly fed up. It is good that they are not giving up on him, but I think they are on a hiding to nothing really and part of me would rather see him safe and allowed to rest as he wishes.

He requires a great deal of very personal care due to problems with bowel and bladder and it is distressing to see him in such a mess - poor man. He has no dignity left - but he is letting this wash by him, which is not like my Dad, and that in itself is worrying.

I do hope this carer is better than the last one, Mishap and that your father enjoyed his birthday despite his health worries. It's a problem when they won't settle at night. Mum is very wakeful some nights but flat out on others. Hopefully the medication will settle him.

Good luck

Thanks everyone.

I thought I should resurrect this thread to say the title is now inaccurate as he is 93 today!!

This is the first day with the new live-in carer - fingers crossed.

There is also a night carer going in - Dad called for help 10 times last night!!! - he is to have his dose of sleeping tablet doubled tonight in an attempt to get his body clock back in tune. But personally I think the problem lies with his bladder really and someone should look into why he thinks he wants to pee all the time.

If we can't get this night problem sorted his care at home is at risk of falling apart.

Mishap I wish that I could hug you and make things better. You are amazing.

Crumbs Mishap I have been so tied up with my own things that I haven't kept up with this thread. I have just read all of it and I am livid on behalf of both you and your father. You are having an appalling time and it must be worse to be so far away. (((hugs))) and

How kind everyone is on here. Gransnet is a refuge when the going gets tough. Never mind .... to all of you. XX

Fingers crossed Mishap and to both you and Merlot

Thanks for kind words.

At this moment I am on the phone to my Dad's house where an agency manager is making an assessment of Dad's needs - my brother and sister are there too and I am on speakerphone and can chip in when needed,

Lady sounds very kind and very professional and that is hugely reassuring. She has a live-in carer available from tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

The cost of this is on a par with nursing home; but the added cost of waking night carers is horrendous. We have to hope that this will not be needed for too long.

Last night's sleeping pill did not make him sleep - but he is very dozy now!

The night problem is bladder irritability - I think that the catheters that have been poked in and out over the last few months have caused havoc.

Good luck merlot

You poor thing, Mishap. We seem to have horrendous problems running in tandem. Whatever is to become of us when it's our turn?

Oh dear! What a problem. I can't suggest anything but I do send you my sympathy. If I do think of something I'll PM you!

Latest on poor old Dad.

Live-in carer did a runner after less than 24 hours; have had to cobble together unbelievably expensive hourly rate care package to see him over weekend; brother has driven down to look after him while proper care is organised.

Finally after several days non-stop on the phone it looks as though we may have a new live-in carer from Weds. This is having to be supplemented with waking night carers, as he is so wakeful at night (10 times some nights). Seems to be a problem with the waterworks. On antibiotics just in case.

GP has given tiny does of sleeper for tonight - we just hope it does not knock off too many brain cells. But if we cannot sort the nights, the care at home will rapidly become non-viable.

SSD gave no help/advice/local knowledge. Half way through this afternoon when I was at my wits' end as I could not find care, I rang them again to see ff they had list of care agencies (in case I had missed one in my searches) and they told me to try an internet search! - well, thanks a bunch!!

Different decision makers. Some are harder than others. At appeal we sometimes wonder how on earth they arrived at their decisions?

Mmm - like to believe you - must have been coincidence.

That's nonsense! The trouble is the forms are very often poorly completed. This is partly due to the design of the forms which do not ask the right questions.
If the form is properly completed with examples etc it doesn't matter who completes them.
Trust me! I have worked with AA then DLA for the last 35years.

I got AA for my mother without a 6 month wait. Failed the first time -apparently less chance if it's filled in by a daughter. Re-applied directly - same form, filled in the same but signed by social worker - and got it immediately. I was also later told that benefit claims are often rejected first time to test seriousness of claimant. If your doctor is on your side you should be ok. Any problems ask for an Age UK advisor to help.

Actually, the fact he is 92 and was obviously at risk of falls might mean the 6/12 was satisfied before!

You can apply before. You will only become entitled from the correct date. I've PM'd you my number so if you want I can tell you more!

Thanks for these bits of advice.

I do not think he becomes eligible for AA till he has been incapacitated for 6 months - not quite there yet! I have the date in my diary to remind me to do the necessary on the right date.

If AA is awarded it is payable from the day you ring up and ask for the form and it will come date-stamped. If he is in need of 24 hour care, there should be no doubt about it.

mishap AA is only payable from the date claimed. Is he already entitled?

Some good news! - I have managed to organise a live-in care package for tomorrow week.

Dad having the op today, so all we need is for him to get over that speedliy and be able to take up this option. Fingers crossed!

We just want him out of hospital where he picks up bugs and falls. A one-to-one carer is likely to keep him safer.