Mum went into hospital yesterday. [long post - sorry]

And yet Kitty you still feel guilty that you're not doing enough? This does seem to be something that 'difficult' parents can engender in grown up, intelligent women. Weird isn't it.

Kitty, such a blessing for you.

Hilda, one of the 'blessings' of Mum's illness is that my brothers and I are friends!!!

Mum and I fell out and didn't speak for about 6 years and it turned out she had spent years stirring up trouble between me and my brothers. Now, however, as a result of having to cope with this problem, we are closer than ever.

Hugs from me too Kitty

Glad you are keeping your chin up Kitty - its tough being a grown-up, so glad you have family to share this with.

Thank you all (including Frank). I know we have done the right thing, hard though it is. Youngest brother kept muttering about how awful he feels but I gave him a big sister talking-to and he's better now

Kitty, I too can't add anything but send you a big hug through the ether and

That is completely thoughtless! I'm disgusted [.Frank]

Well said, Moved.

hunter could we have a little tact please? Do you really think Kitty needs you to suggest more to worry her?

My friend has had some nasty remarks for putting her mother in care who has dementia.
It is ok for people on the outside to complain but I think their view would be different if they realised the problems of keeping a person at home after a certain point.

Frank

kitty Lots of love and (((hugs))).

kitty

Oh, kitty what a tough time you are having. ((hugs))

But at least you will know that your mum is safe, and, from what other GNs say, she is in the best place now.

Take care of yourself, too, remember!

Thank you all once again. One brother went to see mum yesterday and she was quite confused but still playing the grand dame!!

Johanna, mum is having a complete review of all her medication but I am very interested in your comments as mum had been on low dose antibiotics for recurrent UTIs for about three years. The antibiotics were changed about six months ago as the first lot weren't working. I was slightly concerned when my brother reported that a doctor had remarked that he could see no reason for mum to be on them continually.

I'm going to empty mum's room today. Her 'worldly goods' seem to get fewer and fewer but, hopefully, they will somehow manage to be squeezed into the spare room until she needs them again!

Jess is right, these places can look worse from the outside looking in than for the patients inside. Hopefully her stay there will be temporary. You certainly couldn't have done more. Even more - a big bouquet.

A hug from me in down under transit kitty. I once worked with some psychogeriatricians and they were excellent, enlightened and humane. (Psychiatrists who specialise in older people's mental illness) so maybe that will be a positive - she will be under the direct care of experts which is something you probably don't get in a care home.

kitty I too can only send you (((hugs))). You are a good and caring daughter.

Kitty
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Insist you wish to know everything pill she is on. Don't accept any nonsense.

Older people go from bad to worse very quickly, very quickly indeed.

We had a similar situation, behaviour wise, and the culprit was a medication for a urinary tract infection.

Wishing you strength.

kitty - your situation mirrors the one in which I found myself. I too had a difficult relationship with my Mum and this compunds the guilt. She too became behaviourally quite difficult in the course of her dementia illness. She never was a very easy lady.

It makes it hard to have any sort of resolution of the difficult relationship in the past as you know that that opportunity has passed you by as she will never return to her former self.

The consolation that I can offer is that after her death I did come to terms with things - many friends and family helped enormously and I can truly say that I feel at peace with how things were and are.

Do not feel guilty - you will resolve all this in the course of time.

You are doing your best for her in spite of the fact that she is someone with whom you had a difficult relationship - no-one can ask any more of you.

kitty it must be feeling like it doesn't rain but pours for you lately. I can only send my best wishes and

kitty I'm so sorry

Unfortunately I sometimes think I should have done more for Dad and my mother in law.
Probably they would have been looked after better in a residential home but they both wanted to be with their own family so we just did our best.

Frank

kitty I cant add anything to the above apart from sending you a {{{hug}}}

kitty, My thoughts are with you. I know how it feels to be so helpless and you have obviously done everything you possibly can to help your mum.

Life can be so cruel.