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Mum went into hospital yesterday. [long post - sorry]

(48 Posts)
kittylester Tue 09-Apr-13 11:29:43

You have all been very supportive [and probably bored rigid] when ever I've posted about Mum so I thought I'd off-load onto you all again. smile

Some of you will be aware that, three weeks ago, we moved Mum from one awful home to a much better one. As there was a question about Mum's behaviour she was there on a month's trial. This was the lesser of the two evils as the first home was appalling!!

During the past 3 weeks, Mum has become much less manageable and more and more prone to violence. She sometimes refuses to take any medication and often won't go to bed until 4 or 5 am. The final straw was on Sunday when Mum broke through a fire door and refused to come back in for an hour and forty minutes despite both my brothers going to help the staff. On Monday, the home gave us notice that they couldn't cope anymore. I have posted about the lack of response from the Consultant but, once Social Workers became involved, he did everything we wanted him to do and had her admitted to hospital for a complete reassessment.

We took her to a secure older person's mental health unit last night and, although we know it is the correct place for her, it was awful leaving her there. I dread going to visit her. sad

Ana Tue 09-Apr-13 11:33:50

Oh, kitty, what an awful situation! You have done your very best for your Mum - let's hope the reassessment will pinpoint the proper care she needs. flowers

Movedalot Tue 09-Apr-13 11:38:01

Kitty big hug from me, you must be in a terrible state. Surely the consultant should find the best care for her right away. I don't know the history, must have missed those threads but I can only imagine how you are feeling. flowers

Grannylin Tue 09-Apr-13 11:38:39

Best wishes kitty.She is now safe, hopefully. Not boring at all. flowers

Sel Tue 09-Apr-13 11:39:53

Kitty I am so sorry, I can only echo Ana's thoughts. My Mum had dementia but was never violent but whatever, to see your Mum in this situation must be beyond distressing. It's good that you have brothers alongside you. flowers I hope there is some improvement with more specialist care both for her sake and yours.

absent Tue 09-Apr-13 11:44:45

kittylester I know how heartbreaking this is. Be brave. Thinking of you.

j08 Tue 09-Apr-13 11:50:37

Oh Kitty. What a nightmare for you. Can only send good wishes for you and peace for your mum. sad

grannyactivist Tue 09-Apr-13 11:51:03

flowers and (((hugs))).

Butty Tue 09-Apr-13 12:04:37

Kitty flowers.

Mishap Tue 09-Apr-13 12:15:30

I am so sorry kitty - I know how difficult it is - I had all of this with my Mum. It is very distressing, but you really are doing all the right things. Mum was very difficult to manage and I know how hard it is to watch. Stay strong.

POGS Tue 09-Apr-13 12:19:33


I am so sorry to hear your latest news. I guess your dear mum could be in the 'Benyon'? If so I have had experience of this sad place and I can empathise with you. If not the Benyon then somehwere similar.

They are never going to be happy, joyful places and they have a very hard, difficult function to carry out. It has to be said that at some stage you may be feeling guilty, despairing and wanting it all to be over. If this happens, ofcourse it may not, don't be hard on yourself, many of us have had experience of feeling this way. Human nature.

I truly hope that things improve for you and your mother, it is all very sad and I am sure you will have the thoughts of many of us who totally understand how difficult your life is at the moment. Keep your chin up.


HildaW Tue 09-Apr-13 12:22:31

kittylester - my thoughts and best wishes are with you. You have obviously had a really tough time and have had to make choices that have been difficult. Sounds to me as if you have done your very best - and thats all anyone can ask. Old age and its increasing problems cause unimaginable pain to many of us. All the best and I hope you and your family can find some peace in all of this.

annodomini Tue 09-Apr-13 12:47:19

kitty - what more can I say? It's all been said. ((((hugs))))

Prince Tue 09-Apr-13 12:56:41

I am new today so let's give it a whirl

I am due to retire at 65 in just under 3 years
I have 3 Works pensions & I private pension
Does anyboby know the best option to get the best reurn?

Sook Tue 09-Apr-13 13:18:18

kitty (((hugs))) from me too.

Bags Tue 09-Apr-13 13:24:50

kitty flowers

kittylester Tue 09-Apr-13 13:31:29

Thank you all. As soop would say - you lot are wonderful. flowers

We are hopeful that Mum will leave the hospital in a few weeks, once her medication has been thoroughly sorted, and be able to go to a 'proper' home which can cope with people like her. That may never happen though sad

I have had a really difficult relationship with my mum but I wouldn't wish her surroundings on anyone. At least my brothers and I are pulling together on this. smile Think I'm feeling worse about it since Bertie shared his cold with me grin

POGS Mum is on Coleman Ward in the Evington Centre, as you say one is very much like the other.

flowers to anyone else who is, or who has, coped with this.

Prince nice to see you on GN. You might be better to post on one of the 'Money' threads or one of the 'Newbie' threads where people will be able to welcome you properly. smile

gracesmum Tue 09-Apr-13 13:31:32

Kitty you are having a traumatic time so all I can offer is a BIG {hug} and to say "Keep strong"- you're doing marvellously - bon courage!

janeainsworth Tue 09-Apr-13 13:53:39

Kitty flowers

HUNTERF Tue 09-Apr-13 14:11:20


I think you want to put your thread under money.


HUNTERF Tue 09-Apr-13 14:27:31


I am sorry to have to say this but a secure older person's mental health unit is sometimes the only option.
My father was in hospital about 4 years ago. I was visiting one evening and I noticed a gent from Dad's ward wondering about all over the road in his pyjamas.
Dad along with other patients stopped him going out a few times.
I tried to approach him but he started to get violent.
Fortunately I had the wards phone number in my mobile phone and I phoned it and I was instructed to follow him at a safe distance and security called me back.
I gave them a commentary on where he was and they got to him just as he was about to go on to a main road and possibly cause an accident.
I don't know where he went a day later but I was told by somebody he had been transferred to a secure mental health unit.
Seeing his dangerous behaviour I don't think there was any other option.


gillybob Tue 09-Apr-13 14:32:10

Oh kittylester there is nothing constructive that I can add that hasn't already been said.
Some "homes" are truly appalling and do not even deserve to be called a home which is supposed to be a safe and warm place of refuge. Some if them are run like detention centres(smelly ones at that) with little thought for the poor residents. I do hope things improve for you,your family and your poor mum. flowers

Ella46 Tue 09-Apr-13 19:16:08

kitty You have truly done your best (((hugs))) flowers

merlotgran Tue 09-Apr-13 19:25:38

kitty, My thoughts are with you. I know how it feels to be so helpless and you have obviously done everything you possibly can to help your mum.

Life can be so cruel. flowers

glassortwo Tue 09-Apr-13 19:40:37

kitty I cant add anything to the above apart from sending you a {{{hug}}} flowers