Older Love

Six and two threes, perhap?

I get fed up of people say that you are far better off widowed than divorced.
They say the mortgage on the house was paid off with the life assurance and you get a widows pension from your spouses occupational pension scheme as well as inheriting the estate of your wife's parents.
Probably financially things are evened out but it does not make up for your wife's death at an early age.

Frank

Kitty we do have a lot in common then, DH proposed to me after 12 days! He never makes a decision in a hurry but said he didn't want to lose me. We arranged the wedding very quickly once we decided to get in before the end of the tax year so people thought we 'had to get married' and yes, some thought it wouldn't last.

I think it might last if you keep working at it

I met my future wife when I was 11 and we were married 13 years later.
She was the daughter of the headmistress of the school I went to.
People did say it was very risky marrying somebody who you had met at 11 and some even said I should try other girls first as I had never had a relationship with anybody else.
Sadly she passed away 29 years later with cancer but there was no sign of the marriage breaking up.
Mind you she must have been the best. The headmistress of my school said she was.

Frank

Only 42 years moved, do you think it will last? No one did at the beginning as we had only known each other three weeks when we got engaged.

Go Kitty but why 'admit' - be proud! I hope its been a long marriage.

I admit to loving Dh but not to being old!

Nothing better than a good snuggle

DH and I have been together since 1966. Married for 42 years. Loads of ups and some downs but always decided we were better together than apart. We hold hands, arms round shoulder/waist(? ) when out and often snuggle when in!

I like that kind of love Movedalot

petallus I don't know how to define love but there is no rational reason why DH and I get on so well and enjoy each others company. Therefore it must be love

Good for you PRINT. It is lovely isn't it? I am sure we are not alone but sometimes I think it needs to be said along with all the other good things.

petallus

I don't think that my father's ex had much love for him when after 18 months she wanted me to take Andie away.
I don't think they were suited for each other from the start.

Also she did not even start to suggest where I was going to live etc.

Dad was upset that she asked me to leave and also about the theatre tickets I had bought them for her birthday which cost about £30 each.

The £30 ticket was the least of my worries. I was going to see the show at some point anyway so I just went with him.

Frank

How do you define love?

Ditto Movedalot (not yours of course).

Well I still love DH after 45 years!

PRINTMISS

I can see what you are saying.
I do know of a few cases including mine where I went back to live with my father after my wife passed away at his request. He was left in a 4 Bedroom dethatched house on his own and I had early retirement in London. He lived in Sutton Coldfield.
I had inherited my mothers half of the house so was a half owner and had a legal right to occupy the house.
A woman befriended him and after about 18 months she wanted me to leave with Andie the dog who was jointly owned by Dad and myself.
Dad just jumped in and said this was not going to happen and she left.
Obviously if I had been forced to leave it would have been very unfair as I had spent about £50,000 on the house for various improvements / repairs at that point.
I did find it strange she stayed with Dad as she knew the ownership situation with the house and she said she did not like dogs at the end.
Dad had a dog before he was born and he told me he had only lived in a house without a dog for about 4 weeks at the most so it was clear he was a doggy person.
When our previous dog died I was going to mention about getting a new dog a few days later.
Our previous dog died in the afternoon and Dad said he wanted a new dog before bed time.
We went out in the morning and we came back with Andie in the afternoon.
I think he could tell there had been a previous dog but somehow I think he realised what had happened as he loved us straight away.
We did tell him but I don't think he could understand, He settled in very quickly.

Frank

I agree with you gracesmum. I thought it was a thread about people still being 'in love' in old age, not worrying about who gets what when one person dies. The solution is, of course not to have too much to leave behind, then there would not be a problem. Should I die before my husband, I just hope that he will manage to live a full life without me, and if he should find someone to maybe fill the gap, then I would be happy for him. He will not of course have a clue about the money side of things, but then he has worked hard all his life for the things he now has, and they are his (and mine at the moment!) to do with as he wishes. It's a harsh world out there, and it is impossible to account for all eventualities, but hopefully true love wins (Oh! I am such an old romantic at heart - and you can tell that to the fairies).

gracesmum

I agree with what you are saying.
I have overheard conversations on a few occasions now where a woman has said that they have met this man with a lovely house but the problem is the son / daughter owns half of it and they live in it.
The other person has said words to the effect that if the father gets married the house goes back to him and the son / daughter has to leave.
The harsh reality is if the son / daughter is a half owner they will not leave and if necessary they will take legal action to get their half.

Frank

Could we perhaps rename this thread? It seems to have more to do with money than love.

Movedalot

I don't think there is any perfect solution as you never know what is round the corner.
You said you would like your husband to have the choice of being able to move to somewhere smaller.
If your children own half the property they may not agree to it and if he had the power to do this he could move and spend the surplus proceeds on an "adventuresses" and her family.
All I can say is my mother leaving half of the house to me worked well in our case but she never expected my wife to pre decease her at the time the will was made.

Wills can not cater for every eventuality.
One case which I know had to go to court was a house which was subject to a compulsory purchase order and the house was partially held in trust for the children who were about 14 and 16 at the time.
This was unexpected as the house was about 30 years old.
I know the house was demolished and the father moved with the children to a new house about the same value.
Presumably the court had to make an order to put the children in an equivalent position had the house not been demolished.

Frank

I did ask that question when we made our last wills and apparently it is not possible. Alongside things like choosing to be buried or cremated.

I am sure a lawyer would be able to help you to draft a will which covered all these eventualities, but kept things out of the hands of "adventuresses" and their families.

The thing is Elegran I would like him to have the choice to move to something smaller if he needed to. If I were to die tomorrow he might live for another 30 years and find the house too big and perhaps need the money for a comfortable life.

Movedalot i too have discussed the situation with DH. He is amazed that I could ever think he would do such a thing!!!

I am not quite so convinced.

I knew someone who left his wife for a woman a bit younger than his children, then died a few years later. In his will he left the house to his children with the stipulation that his new partner could live in it for as long as she needed it.

I should imagine his children will have a long wait.