Will we be made homeless

It sounds as if you already have some proof that it is your home and you are contributing towards it, even if not paying actual rent. Try to persuade your gran to change the bills into your name - just to make it easier and above board. Until then keep all your bank statements to prove the payments come from you.

Going into care considered nowadays as the last resort - most have to fight to achieve it. However, you should get advise from CAB etc re your rights and how to get care. Also do keep trying to get her to see her doctor. Memory loss and confusion can be a symptom of other illnesses such as, I believe, bladder infection. It could be something simple and curable.

I do understand grandson. There may not be a diagnosable specific cause for your Grans deterioration in functioning. Maybe she needs some sort of assessment visit from a health visitor not necessarily a doctor. You could go to GP yourself to discuss the situation. It's not rare that older people resist seeing a Dr. You have poa for welfare? Maybe with enough visiting support you'll be able to keep her at home which will suit her and ensure you keep a home yourself. Look on caring for her as a job. Or your wife could. This will also count towards her/your CV. Many transferrable skills! Its a different way of looking at your situation-an opportunity rather than a threat and a way to repay your Gran who obviously means a lot to you. Good luck!

I would also like to state one more time that I would love my gran to not be moved into a care home and I know for fact as she has said before that she wouldn't want to go to a care home, so keeping her at home is paramount to this situation.

Saying that if myself and my wife cannot give the required care when and if my gran needs it I would like to know how long if any time I would be given to sort my families situation.

If I move out own with my wife and children I fear I would not get as much time to come and see my gran, and also she would be mostly alone of an evening which she doesn't like what so ever.

I am in the process of doing my hgv licence to get work...Like I have said I was merely 22 when my grandfather passed so since then moving out hasn't been on the agenda , as for rent my grandparents would never take money from me no matter what I tried so that was a lost cause as they were both as stubborn as anything.

As I have stated she is showing signs of an illness what the illness is I don't know but having lived with my gran since being so young I can see that she has changed in herself and dramatically since my grandfather passed as she was his carer after he had had multiple strokes. Since he passed nan has you could say been at a lose end after doing everything for him for the last 10 years, to have nobody too fuss and look after her brain has slowed.

My wife is in the process of selling her jointly owned home with her sister, but as there has been a huge breakdown in relationship the sale of that house will be a court matter and the splitting of the monies could take easily the rest of the year(it's a very complicated situation)

I was involved in a car accident when I was 17 which left me very incapacitated for a few years due to suffering a broken lower vertebra dislocated shoulder and multiple internal injuries , so I have been using compensation to live on with also a number of van driving jobs as to not be a layabout.

Gran pays the electric which we give money for and same for water , my wife pays for the council tax and I pay for phone and oil for heating, us moving in has saved everyone money especially my gran who now pays less on all the bills even though the bills have gone up they are much less when split 3 ways instead of just 2...

I would like to state I have never moved out I merely stayed at my wife's previous home 2/3 nights whilst keeping all my documents addressed to my grans.

Also to the carers allowance I cannot get because she doesn't need care at the moment just helping , my original post is merely trying to gauge a timescale for the situation for myself for future purposes.

I have spent the morning talking to my nans closest friend and our neighbour who's husband suffers from dementia and has assured me that my nan is showing signs of something irregular. It's not my imagination or as some said me hoping she may be ill.

Do you have a job? If you can't work because you care for your Gran you should be applying for Carers Allowance. If you are on JSA I assume you will be entitled to some benefits for your dependants? I do find it odd that a man of 26 has been living rent free since leaving school and in a perverse way this may work against you since if you had evidence of a financial stake in the home you might be seen to have some rights. Would your gran consider putting your name on the deeds as joint owner/tenants in common? Do please get some legal advice to regularise this situation. You said you had lived at your wife's-was that her own place or her parents'?
Nobody is accusing you of trying to benefit from your gran's medical condition, but if she does not have dementia she could stay at home with the right help and support. A vague informal arrangement will help nobody least of all you.

I live in a three generation household so I see this from a gran's point of view. My daughter and I both have our names on the deeds, can you buy a portion of the house? Get your names on the voting list, council tax, utilities, driving license as much as you can to prove this is your home. Presumably your stepchild goes to school with this house as her registered address.
If further down the line you have to prove this is also your home and you are raising children there it will be harder for council to take the house.
It is not easy all living together and you have to consider your wife and children as to what's best for them too.

You seem to me to be a caring grandson who only wants the best for his gran but who is naturally having to think also about the future from his own point of view. I think it's great that your grandparents took you in as a child and gave you a better life. Most of the grans on this site would do something similar if the need arose. My own grandson has lived with me for the last nine years since he was 16 so I know how it can work. If I needed to sell my home I would worry about him becoming homeless.

Good luck with it all.

Most elderly people want the status quo to continue and have to be persuaded of the need for change Nellie. Especially if the brain isn't working as well as it did and familiar surrounding become increasingly important.

In my father's case it wasn't persuasion but my mother's expert nagging. In her case it took a lot of reasoning, talking, back tracking - persuading - before she could accept that things could not continue the way they were and she needed care. More care than I could give.

I've obviously not got your experience Nellie but moving a person from their home is, nowadays, the very last option. Whether or not Granson buys the house it wouldn't find her a care home place much easier but would give him and his family more security. That's all I'm suggesting. Some trust has to be involved here!

Grandson hasn't persuaded her to see the doctor yet. When she does in all probability she'll have medication which will help - maybe for several years - then there's the tests to determine what care she needs, then, if they're lucky, home help. Care homes, specially dementia, are in very short supply.

Grandson - are you working? Does most of you Gran's support fall on your your wife? It must be difficult with a young baby. How old is your Gran? This could be the start of a very very long journey.

Get thee to the CAB and Age UK!

*Grandson123" I clearly stated in the post that you objected to that I knew nothing about the details of your situation and that I was speaking hypothetically about this situation not you in particular.

I was particular alarmed by NFKs remark, Is your gran with it enough to be persuaded to sell you her house?

That implies to me that if she has to be persuaded she does not want to and suggests coercion. Although as Mishap says it could be regarded as disposing of assets.

I suggested that if this situation was being looked at by a solicitor or other advisor it would be that the home owners interests and financial well being was paramount and not those of any other person living in the property.

Mishap has explained these complications.

It can be extremely difficult to forcibly remove an older person from their home against their will even if they are perceived to be at some risk.

Unfortunate financial abuse of the elderly by family or other carers is in my experience not uncommon.

From what I know at the moment, and these things change regularly, so possibly not even Ageuk and CAB are up to date, you will not have to move out of the house when your gran goes into care.
I am saying this because my mother-in-law went into a care home last Easter. She is now in a nursing home and has dementia.
The family do not have to sell her house, but the local authority have a charge over it. It is on the market at the moment, but her care manager said there was no hurry. What will happen is that when she dies or the house is sold the LA will tell us how much they want and the rest goes to her family according to her will.
So if the LA have a charge over the house there is no reason why your family should not be able to live there. It will just be when she dies that you will owe them some money for her care, and will then be able to take out a mortgage to cover it, if you want to stay there.
Hope this reassures you and hope I am still correct. If she stays out of a care home for a couple of years, the situation might be better, because she will be allowed to keep more of the value of her house.

I had a general idea that I would need to leave as it is her home, I was trying to find out what sort of time scale I would get to find alternative accomodation.

Citizens advice bureau will be my first port of call , thanks

I think the basic answer to your question is that you probably would in the end have to find alternative accommodation if your nan needed to be cared for outside of the home, as her capital tied up in the house would have to be used to pay for her care. But please do get more detailed advice from CAB or Age UK.

Go and see the Citizens Advice Bureau. They have all the information on hand, and they have been specially trained to weed out the genuine cases from the timewasters. You will find them very businesslike and practical.

Yes farnorth I have done and continue to do everything i can do to keep my gran in the best state of health and mind.

As much as I thought I may feel a little relived at discussing this with other people other than my wife I feel abit like I have been tarred with a certain brush which I didn't see coming if I'm honest, which in turn is a rather disappointing.

Thanks Faye ...it's my thread to try and get advice from others who have had similar experiences with relatives who may or may not suffer from any illnesses and who may or may not need extra care later in their life .. I can write what I think the same as you have done regarding 'what sort of person I am' why is it ok for you to do it and not me then...I have not once asked to find out how I can get my grans house , I wanted to know if I would be made homeless if she was to go into care that is all...

You have jumped and jumped and jumped to different conclusions based on a brief detail of my situation, sadly that makes you come across as a suspicios character who seems to not believe people can be caring without having an agenda .

Oops - CAB and Age UK, I meant to say.

It's certainly a difficult situation for you and your family Grandson123, including for your Gran. She may well be feeling confused and frightened and is trying to hold onto her independence.
I guess you also feel that your neighbours want you to do something about it, which you can't.
As you are making sure that your Gran is healthy and has a clean house to live in, that's probably all you can do at the moment. It's a good idea to get advice from the CAB and Age Concern and it may help you to feel less stressed.

When Nelliemoser stated her concerns you told her not to post on this thread again. Who do you think you are coming on to a forum and telling a regular member to not post. My suspicions of your character started right about then. You then talked about my demons etc because I stated my suspicions of you. Many of us have seen elderly people ripped off and ill treated by their own families. You have not said one thing that has allayed my concerns regarding your grandmother.

If you have your grandmother's best interests at heart and you had better manners you may have come across as a more caring person. Sadly you did not.

Ps don't reply.

Good - do let us know how you get on.

I am under stress which all of my friends wonder how I cope with it and the truth is I cope with it because nobody else in this entire world cares about my gran other than me and my wife.

I will get some advice from CAB and Age UK.

And I appreciate all the constructive and helpful advice given to me from the posters on this forum .

You do seem to be feeling under stress in this situation - just get some good advice from all the sources that have been suggested - maybe this will help to take some of the heat out of your situation.

My grandfather was like my father as I have never met my biological father .. My mother was a heroin addict when I was a toddler so my grandad and gran took it upon themselves to take care of me and bring me up to make sure I had a decent upbringing instead of the inevitable drug riddled life I would of had being in the environment I was in.

As my gran was his partner she was my female influence throughout my life the only female relative I ever saw , and if FAYE you think I'm the sort of person who still after the life I have had would consider ' binning my gran off to a home as soon as I can' I despair

For you Faye I will let you have some more information because frankly your a butter person who must think everyone is like whoever you are basing me on...

I was 22 when my grand father passed away and I still lived at home full time shall we say, when myself and my wife who was a friend decided to give things a go. It was then I stayed at my wife's house 2/3 nights of the week and the rest was at my home/grans house. As you can see I didn't move out completely as I CARED for my grans Heath and well being. As things progressed I got married and my wife fell pregnant, which coincided with my grans mental health showing signs of wear and tear shall we say, which is when My gran begged and I have neighbours to corroborate this ( as I feel I'm in court I shall use this term) that my wife and step daughter move in.

As we have been at the home, not living some sort of life of luxury and being extremely cramped, my grans memory and behaviour has slowly changed, which again neighbours have also noticed not just myself. Now even though my gran still can look after herself , I begin to worry which led me to ask for abit of advice.

If you think I should of not moved in my wife as my gran asked and left her to her own devices, which in turn meant she would not have anybody to talk to of an evening and live the last decade or so (she is 83) of her life alone and unhappy then I should of just packed up and left then so be it but I know everything I do is to help her.

Jesus wept?