ex carers not married abandoned after death of a partner

I'm sorry to hear your sad story, it reminds me of a GF I went out with about 30 years ago.

She and a partner had been buying a house together when he suddenly had an accident that left him in a coma. That resulted in a similar Kafkaesque situation: he wasn't dead, so she couldn't sell the house without his signature, but she couldn't afford the mortgage on her own, either.

I forget how it ended after all this time, but by the time she was going out with me she was back living with her parents.

I am so sorry that you are in this place at the moment poormare. I heard some statistics the other day which said something like a third of young women - I think 18-35 - believe there is such a thing as common law marriage so this will keep happening to people - mainly women - unless something is done.

I have always found it strange that only the government is allowed to treat the income of an unmarried couple as belonging to them both although the law doesn't. Although it would not help you I strongly believe they should either continue treating household income as belonging to both partners but bring in a law to say that there are legal benefits similar to the common law ones many think exist after, say, two years or they should treat the unmarried or uncivil partnered as individuals. As always the government has it both ways.

I do hope you are getting as much help as possible. If you can summon up the energy - which could be difficult I know coming from where you are at the moment - I would make it your job to contact your local Carers association, Age UK, CAB and anyone who could help. If you were ever in the forces (or your partner was) contact the Royal British Legion. They may not be able to help but they may be able to point you in the right direction.

I dont think people realise all the things on this thread.
I think it is a good thing to have written it.
I am sorry for your loss and your predicament.

I also sympathise and can relate through the experience of a friend. Her partner died in October and she was devastated when she wasn't allowed to register his death. She is fortunate in that he left her everything in his will, he had no family, but both his pensions finished when he died and she will stuggle to keep the house on her small pension. There was nothing to stop them marrying they just "never got round to it" in 23 years.

I am so very sorry you find yourself in this situation poormare. It was for all the reasons you state that I was very pleased that my friend and her partner of 30+ years went very quietly and got the 'piece of paper'. Her partner had never divorced his first wife and never made a will so had anything happened to him my friend would have been left with absolutely nothing - not even much pension as she had never had a 'proper job'. It was not until his wife died that they got married and at least now she has security.

I have no wise words to help you but I wanted to express my condolences on the loss of your partner and sympathise with your financial situation.

This is a terrible situation and my heart goes out to you.

Are you definitely getting all the benefits you are entitled to? Here is a link to Turn2Us which will help you to check.

benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

Can you renegotiate the funeral payments? You are paying far more than you can afford. Talk to a free debt management charity such as StepChange.

www.stepchange.org/Debtinformationandadvice/Debtsolutions/Debtmanagementplan/Freedebtmanagementplan.aspx

poormare What an appalling situation. I am sorry to say that in the UK the way it is is that marriage is a legally binding contract with mutual rights and responsibilities, but living together has no such legal weight, however long you have been together and however committed your relationship – and yours obviously was. (There is no legal recognition of the term "common law" wife/husband.) It is not so in other countries. There are many long-standing, loving couples who "can't be bothered with the piece of paper", but the piece of paper is terribly important in such sad and very distressing situations such as yours. My heart goes out to you but I am afraid that you are well and truly screwed. Condolences for your sad loss and good wishes for a brighter future.