Can't cope sometimes

Luckyrose This is the place for a rant, so hang in there.

I also have MS and we're supporting my 82 year old FiL who lives in a sheltered flat - except the wardens or scheme managers as they're now known, are only there weekday mornings. He's virtually housebound at the moment and needs a carer first thing (that can be a problem in itself). He's insulin dependent diabetic with other health problems, but he manages pretty well. Our problem is that he is terrible at telling us if he needs something or has a problem. It's like getting blood out of a stone. DH takes him shopping once a week after work and I take him to his many health appointments. We find this a strain, so being 70 miles away must be hard. My FiL is lovely, but a bit of a devil for trying to do things he can't manage. He's getting better though. Visiting him daily when he was in hospital for almost a month earlier this year was hard. Until then he was still driving every day, so it's hard for him to get used to the loss of his independence. He may be able to drive again and that's his goal.

We all have different problems and you'll always get someone posting about how much harder they have it, and as true as this might be it doesn't help when you're just looking for a bit of support. There will be plenty of people offering that too, so stick around and get a feel for the place.

All the best for you and yours.

and ps, look after yourself - we don't want you cracking up !

I can understand your frustrations - you have so many demands made on you,, I don't know how you do it.
Does your Mum still live in her own home? If she's as poorly as you say she probably wouldn't notice if you didn't visit so often.
I had a similar situation with my Mum, often got irritated with her, (I still feel guilty about that) and she wasn't as disabled as yours.
Hoping the outcome is good for your daughter.

Luckyrose, I am so sorry that I upset you, it is not like me to do that and I didn't mean pull your socks up.
We all need a rant and I do it myself, on here, many times so I hope you can carry on with us here and do the same.
I am far from being a bitter person I hope.
Please stay with us and accept my heartfelt apologies for getting off on the wrong foot.

Thankyou fiorentina and kitty lesser. I think the guilt is what's plays on my mind. I have to guess what shopping she wants. I get cross because she tries to do her own washing by hand. And her flat and sometimes she smells. She went in respite when we cleared it up and was nice and fresh. I got cross with her this morning, she said she was in a pickle trying to brush the floor. When she falls she can't get up.She loved it in respite care. She has no money so that's not an option. She does get Attendance which goes to her home care council her cleaner( who is expensive but tells me what she has been doing. She has food that just goes off in the fridge and survives on Wiltshire farm foods which she hardly eats. She doesn't starve as she grazes all day on cakes biscuits etc. Anyway thanks for the rant , we are grateful that hubbys mum and dad are being looked after, eating properly and have social interaction. Not sure what will happen when the money from their house runs out. I keep telling myself mum is not mum anymore and I am just doing the compassionate thing that I would do for any elderly person. My MS is not too bad I have been very lucky. I do suffer with anxiety and have lost use limbs and sight but it all came back. My neurologist told me to keep negative things out of my life, not easy though is it.
So thanks for listening.

Lucky rose, could you try contacting her gps surgery to see if you can get help? Could she go on a waiting list to get into the nursing home your husbands parents are in. Could you talk to the manager there. ? Sometimes if you build a relationship with people they can be very helpful.
Best of luck with it all.

I’m sure most of us on here can sympathise with your situation. Do keep posting if it helps.

Luckyrose62, I do feel for your situation. I am a 24/7 hour carer, and irrespective of distance, it can take its toll on you. Its not easy. I hope your daughter has a happy outcome, which hopefully will put your mind at rest.

I'm in a similar situation, though thankfully, fit and well. Everything we planned to do has been sidelined as we have other responsibilities. I understand the need for the odd rant Luckyrose, so don't leave. Stay and let rip occasionally! ?

No there is nothing I can do I worry 24/7 just sometimes need to talk .
It's obviously not the right place to be. I did phone a helpline but they are busy .

Yes annesixty I am relieved to not have to do 24/7 I don't know how people do it. I hope you are fit and well with your 24 hour caring if it was hubby or children I would accept it awful to say but she never supported me much.
I have multiple sclerosis myself
Just needed a rant not pull your socks up attitudethanks a bunch I am a newbie with no one to talk to. Thanks a bunch . Obviously your caring duties have made you bitter.
Goodbye

I don't wish to be harsh but some of us have this 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
You do at least have time out as I don't suppose you travel 70 miles every day to be with her.
I have just accepted that that is the situation and I get on with it.
I do understand though that worrying about it from afar is hard but short of getting more care for your mother, I can't see what you can do.
Your mind would be more at ease if she was in care like your in-laws.
With your D she is lucky to be getting all the tests done in one visit and getting results, all the best to her and to you for the worry.

That's hard for you and your DH, luckyrose.

Are your mum and parents in law getting all the help available? Have you contacted the Alzheimer's Society and AgeUk? Your mum should at least be receiving Attendance Allowance (80+ per week probably) which could buy you some help. Have you had a Carer's assessment?

You are only human and can't be expected to cope all the time without it 'getting' to you in some way.

I hope all goes well for your daughter. Keep talking to us.