95 year old Mum in hospital but this pain in groin?

No - I would not expect them to it is a huge hospital. Basically the staff are being so good now and I really don't think it is fair. She did tell a nurse who cooked her crumpets that she wanted them cut in half! So.....is she beginning to act very child like or is it because she doesn't want to be in there she is just being awkward. The other thing is if she can't remember sometimes who has visited or what she had for lunch if you ask her then how would she remember she is having WFF every day.

I don't know I am tired and off again to hospital now. Moan over and let's see how she is feeling that's the main thing.

Gilly123 would they deliver to the hospital? Much easier for you (but they probably won't).

Well my brother went yesterday. Our mother now wants Wiltshire Farm Foods brought to her everyday. Apparently the staff are worried that she is not eating enough. Basically she just refuses unless it takes her fancy. When we were there on Saturday it was a lovely salad brought to her for her supper but she didn't want it.

It is not easy taking these meals up for the 30+ miles and then to cook them in their microwave. So we are going to have to see what the facility is for keeping some in their freezer. But ..... I know I am tired......of course it will be easier??? when she is home.

Just having a moan.

Thank you all. Yes - it was on my way home I thought she has been making jokes!!!

When she was home and it was just me for most weeks planning what we would do. She would ring and say it's me - sorry - can you tell me.....

Always very serious even her partner of 30 years, he died in 2007, it was as though everything was a sense of duty. They both did did voluntary Red Cross each weekend and holidays were spent helping on the 'holiday for the disabled at a holiday camp). I admired them for the work they did. They were both there to help me with our grandchildren in difficult times.

But as I say very rarely laughing with her - each week when I would take her out I would have to listen to the story, word for word, of the latest book she was reading and 'your father did this, etc, etc. One day I actually said'It was your husband' and she said that she didn't like having to say it. She divorced our father when we were under five years of age - not a nice man - big mistake like many during those wars years so it seemed not really knowing the person.

Then recently it would be looking out of her flat window moaning about something. I tried several ways to get her to have others to talk to e.g. Silverline, Book Club, etc, but she didn't want to. I grew up with 'It's not for the likes of us' we were council tenants and started to save for our own home and when I told her that was the reply. (She even told me when I should leave Grammar School because she had a job for me working in the factory office where she was.

Anyway it was strange to suddenly visit and to hear her laughing!

Panache it means lovely nursing staff, like you, have helped to bring out the best in my Mum.

Gilly what an uplifting and pleasing little "report" on your Mum and her condition,indeed showing such a great improvement whilst you sound almost a different person yourself,less harassed for sure!

A sense of humour is such a great gift and it seems to me your Mum has this in abundance,it will carry her through many a rough patch ...........furthermore the Staff will love her..... and not want to see her leave!

Strange you should remark that you are now noticing that she has well and truly "perked up" within herself.......and yet at home was far quieter.
This could be said of myself,having been a Nurse and my nature is to help others, there is none of this at home so to a point I retreat into a shell.
The moment I get put on a ward I am almost the life and soul.Busying myself helping others,finding their missing this or that for those that are bedridden.......and yes a joke a minute with Doctors,Nurses and whomever passes by.......

So this has brought your Mum back out of her little shell,and in a sense given her a new sense of life.She has been reborn!!

Little wonder you are so well pleased and now she is both relaxing and using her legs again on little trips,altogether there is great obvious progress.............health ways as well as a person.

Long may it continue and therefore remove this huge burden of care you have been carrying yourself.

Onwards and ever better to you and your Mum.

So pleased to hear this Gilly123. Funny things happen in hospitals and help you to bear things. Hope your mum continues to improve and is home soon.

Well - she is on the up again and seeing her yesterday was good. She was lying on her bed and quite relaxed. Apparently she has managed to walk, with help, to the bathroom with her 'walker'. Which is good that means her legs are getting stronger. Soiled clothing to bring home and a drip for fluids were there two days ago.

Doesn't bother to put on her glasses which are on the table in front of her. She loves all the staff and jokes with them. So.... she was in good spirit obviously wants to come home. Reckons the doctor sits and holds her hand and says 'Next Tuesday' and she said I tell him he keeps saying that.

But - what I have realised on the way home that our Mum is having a sense of humour! I am wondering having contact with the staff for 8 weeks has almost brought her out of a shell. She was always helping others in her spare time in the early years but I can never really remember her laughing and joking. She was always serious and throughout our child hood it was serious as she was a single parent and was always working.

I want to remember her laughing e.g. she said the catheter had leaked over the floor and the male nurse said 'Phyllis you naughty girl what have you done on the floor?' She said I told him that wasn't me it was you! Laughing whilst she told me. After awhile she said with a lovely smile 'Has your David fell asleep yet in the chair. Because if he has his mouth open when they come around with my pills they can pop them in there!'

She can't remember who has been to see her and she had the hospital phone me on Thursday to ask if we were coming to see her. The nurse said she told her that none of her children have been to see her. I was able to say my brother was actually arriving any moment.

So no mention of the pain which is so good and I didn't even raise the subject. Hopefully if she is moving around it might help. Thank you all for your support.

Hello Trisher. The nursing staff have always been kind to her but under pressure. The time they have to spend trying to cope with a 'mobile' lady who wanders around the 4 bay ward and who will walk into the 4 individual rooms (one of which our Mum was put into in case her upset tummy was infectious) because she can be looking for her cat.

In one way that has worked to our Mum's advantage because her bed was next to this lady who shouts a lot in the night. The staff really could do without the time spent looking after her this poor lady. They may have even thought to have asked our Mum before if they had not been pre-occupied or our Mum felt she could ask. All the nurses say what a lovely lady she is - maybe - because she is polite and doesn't complain.

I suppose if she has OT in the morning she has been 'moved' - but - it was when she was begging to get into bed at around 6 pm it then hit home to me and of course we went for a nurse and stayed until they came.

In the past we have visited and thought 'that's good she feels like being out of bed!' Not asking how long have you been sitting here. It did upset me not to have realised this before but I have, as I said, put it in writing in a kind way as a reminder.

Gilly123 at her age she should be being moved regularly. Stood up at least every 2 hours and alowed to lay on her bed sometimes. There is a great danger of pressure sores. My mum had one and it was painful and difficult to treat. (It was the result of her not having proper control after a catheter was removed). Mum said some of the nurses ignored her when she wanted to be put to bed. I don't know if that is true but if she asked I used to go and find a nurse and ask that she be allowed to lay on her bed.

P.S. She never moans and as I said to the nurse she would not ask to lay on the bed she would do as she is told. In fact I have told them that if she is in pain she really is in pain. When they found she had a blocked and damaged kidney tube, just after she was admitted, the Doctor said she had one litre of trapped urine.

stella - I did wonder if once she moved around it could be better. Not sure if I said I put in a written request that she be offered in the afternoon to lay on her bed for a nap is she wanted to. It upset me that it was only last Sunday that it occurred to me that sitting in a hard hospital armchair could amount to 8 hours. I asked the nurse what time she was dressed and put in her chair and she said about 10.30. I said no wondering she is begging to go to bed - when we were there and asking us to put her in. That was at least 8 hours sitting (with a catheter) so no need to be moved unless she wanted to sit on a commode with help.

So Monday I handed in my written request to confirm my telephone call that morning to ask if they could ask if if she would like to lay on top of her bed for awhile. When we went in the evening she was on the bed but in pain.

So last night when my brother went she was on the bed and said they asked her of she would like a rest and she did.

Such a sense of relief this morning when I got up to feel I had you all there if I wanted to think 'out aloud'.

What must happen is - if we have a inquisitive mind then we try to search for answers - without - necessarily leaving it all to the doctors. (I know I did this with my cancer diagnosis and when I got the answers as I was told it may not be what you always want to hear. But it made me feel I had some power over what was happening.)

Anyway back to this morning do any of you know about the capsules for good bacteria that has obviously been stripped out of our Mum through antibiotics?

Also as she will have a catheter long term and what issues that could cause for infections?

Which in a way leads back to thinking a request for the dietitian in the hospital.

What I don't understand is my brother visited last night and said she had no pain at all??? So this terrible pain with her face screwed up as though she is having a'contraction' and can be timed can go away for a time. It was so bad last time they actually took out the catheter to see if that was one of the issues - but it wasn't. So it does seem to relate doesn't it to what she has or has not been eating?

Hello Gilly. At your Mum's age, food should really be whatever she likes. I wouldn't be worried about whether it's good for her - at her age it doesn't matter. Just give her what she likes. Bringing food from home seems like a great idea.

I'm not a doctor but if she can press on the painful spot and eventually she releases wind , it does sound like some kind of "trapped gas" situation. You may well find that once she is up and mobilising more, that will subside.

Best wishes to you - I've "been there and done that" and know that these last years with multiple hospital stays and mystery illnesses, really puts a strain on everyone.

You can ask for the dietician to visit just mention it to the nursing staff
Sounds like she has IBS or some kind of inflammatory bowel disease have you asked for a second opinion?

Gilly123 we went through exactly the same things with eating. My mum lost a great deal of weight. The dietician came and they tried giving her some nutritional drinks which she hated, she said they were too sweet. She would eat something a few times and then say she didn't like it. It is a fact that age makes the taste buds change. We did find that comfort food was favoured. We used to put custard in a flask and take a piece of apple pie in a plastic box, then pour it over and she would eat that. It is terribly hard. She had a tube of Pringles which we used to encourage her to eat between meals (but check she's not on a low salt diet).

Penny Brohn x

Yes - crumpets going in and staff cooking them for her. Odd snacks, etc, Wiltshire Farm Food that she likes has gone in. I suggested to my husband that we take more food up with us. She did say she liked the Cottage Pie a few weeks ago and i ordered it for today. Will be interesting if she eats it. She does like chicken soup from Wairose so I could try that. I somehow think if we had a dietitian to help if the pain cause is identified. x

Gilly123 is there any way you could take home made favourite foods in for her? My mother never ate hopsital food so I took her lunch and dinner in every day and we supplied her rice crispies and her grapefruit for her breakfast.Because it was food she was familiar with she ate it.Her weight still dropped alarmingly because her appetite was tiny..she wasn't getting any exercise.The staff were grateful for our food though because they said if she didn't eat she wouldn't get home .Even taking home made soup in a flask and some sandwiches or something they could heat in the ward kitchen helps .

Gilly123...........what a co incidence with you having actually spent tim e at the Penny Brohn cancer retreat as in fact it was my husband in sheer desperation found that this was the only available place to help after the shock of a cancer diagnoses.In fact we both followed their Cancer diet to the T for 2 whole years and both my Consultant and Oncologist were monitoring my health.They could only agree that this used as complimentary therapy worked well.
More of my story in the Blog section.

You have certainly a history of dealing with varied health experiences,and it does hurt me knowing how you continue to struggle on to this very day.

However back to the here and now,I do hope the mere thought we are all here supporting you on your long journey,willing to happily listen and offer any tit bits we may have found valuable to help you.... does just that.

Bluebell - we live on the borders of three counties. I just hope this week we can get a plan.

Panache - l am sorry l meant to say l wish you well with your treatment.

It has helped me so much to find you all today. Oh! I did get the Do Not Resusitate dealt with. After one of the admissions the hospital raised subject. Both brothers had different opinions it was left to me to push it. l asked her GP for support. He visited her and she told him when her heart stops that's it! One brother not happy (but did not talk to gp.) So doctor filled out the form with mine and the other brother having too agreed.

Firstly Panache - thank you. What a shock for you with your diagnosis. I too in 2007 had to endure 3 years of all the works treatment for cancer. Thankfully in remission as they call it now. It is scary as we had several years of terrible worry with our daughter and we are told how stress can cause so many health issues. That is why l am trying my hardest to get into meditation. During my cancer time l went to the Penny Brohn retreat and that really helped. It was tough but without family around l had to think of me BUT during that time our daughter was sectioned.

All your experiences are so heart felt and it does help. Thank you.

As an only child I was trying to visit mum each day and make sure Dad at his home was ok and slip in grand parenting duties with full time work I know exactly where you are coming from except I didn’t have the mileage

Is there any chance mum could get changed to a hospital near you or even a nursing home closer otherwise there is nothing I can really offer you only my thoughts and care

Gilly123 you 'go on' as much as you need to all happy to listen, lots of us have 'been there'
My late mum had a fall and nothing was ever the same again for her, she lingered for another year and what a year it was for her, for me, and for my sister and brother.....

Gilly 123 my heart goes out to you,it really does.
I can hear your fears and pain as you talk about your Mum,and I can fully understand how your own strength wanes when there is so much travelling in between these Hospital visits. Whilst clearly when you do arrive you honestly do not know what next to expect with a dear one of your Mum`s age,it honestly seems as if it is a continuous line of problem.So demeaning when you see for yourself your Mum is there in pain, but quite frankly with the best will in the world, you have nothing much to offer........already its a case of "Been there,done that.........." and so on.
A dreadful situation and though I can add there are dozens of dear ones stuck in Hospital like this, with their nearest and dearest tearing their hair out trying to find the solution that could bring about a worthwhile change.

I had this situation very many moons ago,my 80 year old foster mother was crippled when she developed an extremely debilitating terminal cancer that caused haemorhaging daily.She was taken to Hospital and an operation was offered.She had never before been a patient but as the Hospital was fairly near, I was able to visit without any hardship.
Realising what the operation would put her through ......with no guarantees......I decided against it and suggested she came home to live with my DH and myself.
She was given just 6 weeks to live.
However we had the joy,the privilege to Nurse and care for her for some 7 difficult months ,however we also had some great back up with Nurses calling in each morning (those were the days before these packages etc) and between us all..... although I was virtually on my very last legs when the inevitable came about,it was all so well worth it.
However it goes to prove whichever way you choose to care for your loved parent the strain and hardships in doing so are enormous.
For instance in all those 7 months I was entirely housebound.My DH did all the shopping etc, although he too worked a 10 hour day,but without his valuable input and back up, I could never have coped.
All those nightly loo visits meant that sleep was a sheer luxury.
I failed to attend my own Hospital appointments so that when eventually I managed to catch up ........it was to find I now too had cancer.

So please believe me Gillybob123 I understand all too well but have no real gems of wisdom to further add,already many have offered such sound advice........and obviously they too are fully aware of all this entails.
Everyone suffers.
May I simply add my sincere hope that there will be answers to this ongoing groin pain, and that there will be some hope and better times up ahead.
But yes difficult times indeed.
Every blessing to you and your dear Mum.

Thank you trisher. I have the same thoughts and maybe the OTs will come to that conclusion this week.

Oh! On text to brother said we need to ask if a dietician can come to ward. She us refusing to eat their carrots, beans, potatoes. Ham salad sandwich last night she Saud l had to take out Tom and lettuce. I said it was good for her and she said it was too hard!!! So wouldn't eat it. Took it out and she managed half a round but what good is that? The other evening they had beef hot pot - think thatscwhat it was could. Said she didn't like their meat. I tasted it in front of her and it was acceptable but no - not going there. It feels like a child again. Took her her favourite green & blacks almond chocolate. Said how about this and l make you a nice cup of tea. She put it in her mouth and said l don't like chocolate. I said you also got a bar when you have your shopping and keep it in the fridge.

Sorry l am going on and on....