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95 year old Mum in hospital but this pain in groin?

(65 Posts)
Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 10:37:42

She presses down in the groin area. Then you hear a rumble she can burp or pass wind. She actually likens it to a contraction and the pain is written all over her face. It can be about every 10 mins.

The history is she came into hospital with a fit and she has been in about 8 weeks now. (I am shattered we share the 60 mile round trip 3 days, one brother 3 days, the other in London does 1 day. So she has never not had one of us.

She lived on her own and in 2016 she had TIA. Prior to that the trips out, caring, shopping fell to me and l was that desperate l asked my brother to help and he did. She refuses any help coming in and will not have company basically had got to asking me e.g. when are we going shopping again, when are we going to the library, shall are we going to lunch this week. She is lovely and has done so much for us as a granny and shall was a single parent. BUT like so many of you as the eldest and l am now 73 with back pains, etc, etc this was beginning to be too much and guilt sets in if you feel you don't want to be there for her.

Anyway since this first stroke she has had 8 seizures and 7 of them my husband and l had to drive to find her. She has a personal alarm and a fall alarm now since the last one. Every day routine l call mornings and no answer we go! Night time she had to phone to say she was in bed. This was getting to be 10.30 plus and l just couldn't go to bed myself even though l wanted to. My brother decided to come and stay when she had the one before this last episode. He found her that time and realised just what it was like. His stepping up to help has been a huge support as l was desperate.

The bottom line each time she would rally around really quickly and be discharged with a day. This one in one sense has been good because they have had her longer and discovered one kidney has a severly damaged tube and will come home with a catheter. The other kidney has a stone. Apart from that heart, etc all good and never had any operations for anything.

So here we are with the hospital doing as many tests, xrays, the OT trying to help her mobility back, (package of care in pipeline)

But she has suffered two urine infections in hospital, diarreah as a result of antibiotics, etc, etc. They are being very kind and patient with her. She is getting weaker all the time, she does have lymphoedema in her legs, but obviously her strength to walk with a walker is deteriorating. She is moaning about the food and is stubborn and will let you feed her.

I must stop going on but l wondered if anyone else has had an elderly person with this chronic pain and doctors not able to identify cause? Thank you and pleased l found this forum just in case sometime had experienced the same as us.

confusedbeetle Tue 08-May-18 11:02:05

So sorry to hear about your difficulties. It is so hard to do your best when parents are reaching the last stages of life. Many people are unable to do it and a care home is the only option.

humptydumpty Tue 08-May-18 11:54:23

gilly you have done so well. Just make sure the doctors are aware of your concerns, and leave it to them.

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 13:34:20

Thank you both of you. She desperately wants to come home and if only we could grant that wish even for a few days as who knows she might get back some of her joy - if that's the right word. But we know we couldn't cope on our own but help will come in for 6 weeks initially.

I tell the doctors and the OT's all my thoughts and requests even in writing. They are very kind. My notes are put in her file. If only this pain a had 'named reason. We can understand why she says she would rather have a baby - it can be timed like contractions. She presses really hard on the area and then you get a release of 'gas' from one end of the other.

I feel l am just one of so many on here going through all this but like any of you it is just the tiredness that seems to be around me all the time. Housework l look at it and think tomorrow maybe, getting something to eat feels like a huge chore. I used to go to Tai Chi but Wednesday mornings were took up with my mum and now hospital trips. I could try to do it at home but get lost into thinking l will do that later... but nothing gets done. I have tried listening to meditation on my Walkman and several times fell asleep. I am going to try to this each what l am sure most of you feel. It seems we are in limbo if we had a name for this pain we would know what we are dealing with. You can suggest peppermint tea, no thank you. Mint imperials to suck - no thank you. Thank you for listening. P.S. do men find it easier to switch off? Mind you my husband has to be careful he doesn't say the wrong thing.

humptydumpty Tue 08-May-18 13:49:46

Gilly do you have the financial resources to employ a nurse/carer so she could go home? do the doctors have anything to say about her prognosis?

trisher Tue 08-May-18 14:14:08

So sorry to hear about your problems Gilly123 I went through the same thing very recently with my mum, who was in hospital for 3 months after a fall. It is so tiring and our hospital was just up the road. Firstly I was told that the effects of a urine infection can be long lasting in an elderly person (my mum had 2 as well). In her case she suffered bouts of not knowing what was happening and imagining things all caused by the infection. Do ask them to check that she is completely clear. My mum also had very bad cramps in her legs, due to a sodium inbalance, it might be worth asking for it to be checked. We had a lovely social worker who was doing his best to set up a care package so mum could come home. Unfortunately she contracted pneumonia and died- it was very quick and painless.
We did discuss with her a Do Not Resucitate Agreement and this was put in her file. I was so pleased we had done this. If we hadn't she would have been subjected to the pain and indignity of the crash team and been put on machines. As it was her death was a shock, but easier for her. I hope you don't mind me suggesting you talk to your mum and the family about this. One of the nurses looking after mum said it was what she woud do for her own mum.
I hope you manage to get through this and your mum gets home soon.

paddyann Tue 08-May-18 14:27:51

I assume they have checked for diverticulitis ,my cousin has this and the release of wind by pressing on his groin is something he does..Certainly some sort of bowel problem as I have colitis and thats where my pain is too.The lymphoedma is something my late mother had i n her last weeks and she was diagnosed with progressive heart failure...thats an ongoing condition and we were told she could live with it for years.I hope they get a diagnosis sooon and let you have some peace of mind .Not knowing is much harder to cope with than the knowledge of what you're coping with.I hope she feels better soon

Lazigirl Tue 08-May-18 14:46:55

My heart goes out to you Gilly I know how stressful it is with an elderly mum in hospital and in pain. My mother of 93 was in hospital for several weeks last year after falling down the stairs and eventually went home with a care package, so it is ongoing really. I do hope they manage to diagnose and deal with your mum's current pain and she gets some relief. Let us know how she progresses. Don't feel guilty when you have done what you can. It's not easy when you have your own problems as you get older.

loopyloo Tue 08-May-18 14:50:54

Is the stone causing the pain? If the Drs don't know, what investigations are they planning to find out? Was the seizure caused by by renal failure? When did you last speak to a doctor?
Yes very good idea to say what you think about dnr, sounds like you should ask for an appt to see the docs.
All best wishes.

Fennel Tue 08-May-18 15:25:43

It could be a hernia. I have one in the groin which is sometimes very painful. I try to push it back in, but sometimes it takes ages. It rumbles and the pain goes when I pass wind (upper or lower.).
Because it's part of the intestine, where the food goes through. Sorry to be so graphic!
I've talked to the Dr about it.

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 15:25:57

There is a rehabilitation package waiting for 6 weeks with nurses coming in 3 times a day. But just as we think she is on the up she goes down again. Urine infection and antibiotics again this time with a minor chest infection. They will let her home, when meds finish, but OT want het to walk 10 metres with the walker and the aid of one person. I believe it is so they have a base line to work on. Thank you

Fennel Tue 08-May-18 15:30:39

ps my sympathy, Gilly.
Just to add to my post above, she needs to drink lots of water. Poor lady, Poor you.

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 15:31:00

Oh doctors very good nearly always there to talk to and when we go in they may say gone to x-ray to check again. She loved her Doppler scan on her leg but told them each time they are looking in wrong place - it is her knee they should look at because it gives out. When she told me l said you have had an x-ray on your knee last year and she denied it. Note: texted my brother to ask if he gets chance to see if they have ruled out diverticulitis. No signal in ward but he might come out to tell me how she is. Thank you for all your suggestions.

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 15:37:15

Yes encouraged to drink lots of water. Said cranberry juice is important but she doesn't like it. I purchased her a bottle with built in straw, saw nurses have theirs in kitchen, so thought that means she doesn't need to ask for humiliating baby cup to be filled with water. She sometimes manages to drink from a cup another time she seems too weak. I make her a cup of tea and she holds plastic hospital mug and drinks it. No pattern to it. Anyway told her there is times on her new bottle so she can see how much she gets to in the day. Also told her l bought one so we will do it together. Even bought one with green lid as it is her favourite colour. Put her name on it as tomorrow she may say it is not hers.

All suggestions very welcome.

trisher Tue 08-May-18 15:41:47

Gilly123 my mum had a fractured pelvis and did not make the progress she should have, so we were told she could come home with 2 carers coming in 3 times a day. She could not walk and it seemed unlikely she would improve. I think one of the difficulties is that at such an age the muscles deteriorate so quickly when they are in bed, and walking becomes steadily more difficult. Have you asked if they would consider allowing her home before she reaches that stage? Sometimes old people make much more progress when they leave hospital
Hope you don't mind me making suggestions. I do hope you are looking after yourself as well try to fit in time for a treat for yourself sometimes. You need something to keep you going

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 15:44:20

Oh! On text to brother said we need to ask if a dietician can come to ward. She us refusing to eat their carrots, beans, potatoes. Ham salad sandwich last night she Saud l had to take out Tom and lettuce. I said it was good for her and she said it was too hard!!! So wouldn't eat it. Took it out and she managed half a round but what good is that? The other evening they had beef hot pot - think thatscwhat it was could. Said she didn't like their meat. I tasted it in front of her and it was acceptable but no - not going there. It feels like a child again. Took her her favourite green & blacks almond chocolate. Said how about this and l make you a nice cup of tea. She put it in her mouth and said l don't like chocolate. I said you also got a bar when you have your shopping and keep it in the fridge.

Sorry l am going on and on....

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 15:47:01

Thank you trisher. I have the same thoughts and maybe the OTs will come to that conclusion this week.

Panache Tue 08-May-18 16:11:19

Gilly 123 my heart goes out to you,it really does.
I can hear your fears and pain as you talk about your Mum,and I can fully understand how your own strength wanes when there is so much travelling in between these Hospital visits. Whilst clearly when you do arrive you honestly do not know what next to expect with a dear one of your Mum`s age,it honestly seems as if it is a continuous line of problem.So demeaning when you see for yourself your Mum is there in pain, but quite frankly with the best will in the world, you have nothing much to offer........already its a case of "Been there,done that.........." and so on.
A dreadful situation and though I can add there are dozens of dear ones stuck in Hospital like this, with their nearest and dearest tearing their hair out trying to find the solution that could bring about a worthwhile change.

I had this situation very many moons ago,my 80 year old foster mother was crippled when she developed an extremely debilitating terminal cancer that caused haemorhaging daily.She was taken to Hospital and an operation was offered.She had never before been a patient but as the Hospital was fairly near, I was able to visit without any hardship.
Realising what the operation would put her through ......with no guarantees......I decided against it and suggested she came home to live with my DH and myself.
She was given just 6 weeks to live.
However we had the joy,the privilege to Nurse and care for her for some 7 difficult months ,however we also had some great back up with Nurses calling in each morning (those were the days before these packages etc) and between us all..... although I was virtually on my very last legs when the inevitable came about,it was all so well worth it.
However it goes to prove whichever way you choose to care for your loved parent the strain and hardships in doing so are enormous.
For instance in all those 7 months I was entirely housebound.My DH did all the shopping etc, although he too worked a 10 hour day,but without his valuable input and back up, I could never have coped.
All those nightly loo visits meant that sleep was a sheer luxury.
I failed to attend my own Hospital appointments so that when eventually I managed to catch up was to find I now too had cancer.

So please believe me Gillybob123 I understand all too well but have no real gems of wisdom to further add,already many have offered such sound advice........and obviously they too are fully aware of all this entails.
Everyone suffers.
May I simply add my sincere hope that there will be answers to this ongoing groin pain, and that there will be some hope and better times up ahead.
But yes difficult times indeed.
Every blessing to you and your dear Mum.

nanaK54 Tue 08-May-18 16:15:24

Gilly123 you 'go on' as much as you need toflowers all happy to listen, lots of us have 'been there'
My late mum had a fall and nothing was ever the same again for her, she lingered for another year and what a year it was for her, for me, and for my sister and brother.....

BlueBelle Tue 08-May-18 16:20:42

As an only child I was trying to visit mum each day and make sure Dad at his home was ok and slip in grand parenting duties with full time work I know exactly where you are coming from except I didn’t have the mileage

Is there any chance mum could get changed to a hospital near you or even a nursing home closer otherwise there is nothing I can really offer you only my thoughts and care

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 16:44:32

Firstly Panache - thank you. What a shock for you with your diagnosis. I too in 2007 had to endure 3 years of all the works treatment for cancer. Thankfully in remission as they call it now. It is scary as we had several years of terrible worry with our daughter and we are told how stress can cause so many health issues. That is why l am trying my hardest to get into meditation. During my cancer time l went to the Penny Brohn retreat and that really helped. It was tough but without family around l had to think of me BUT during that time our daughter was sectioned.

All your experiences are so heart felt and it does help. Thank you.

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 16:53:52

Bluebell - we live on the borders of three counties. I just hope this week we can get a plan.

Panache - l am sorry l meant to say l wish you well with your treatment.

It has helped me so much to find you all today. Oh! I did get the Do Not Resusitate dealt with. After one of the admissions the hospital raised subject. Both brothers had different opinions it was left to me to push it. l asked her GP for support. He visited her and she told him when her heart stops that's it! One brother not happy (but did not talk to gp.) So doctor filled out the form with mine and the other brother having too agreed.

Panache Tue 08-May-18 16:55:28

Gilly123...........what a co incidence with you having actually spent tim e at the Penny Brohn cancer retreat as in fact it was my husband in sheer desperation found that this was the only available place to help after the shock of a cancer diagnoses.In fact we both followed their Cancer diet to the T for 2 whole years and both my Consultant and Oncologist were monitoring my health.They could only agree that this used as complimentary therapy worked well.
More of my story in the Blog section.

You have certainly a history of dealing with varied health experiences,and it does hurt me knowing how you continue to struggle on to this very day.

However back to the here and now,I do hope the mere thought we are all here supporting you on your long journey,willing to happily listen and offer any tit bits we may have found valuable to help you.... does just that.

paddyann Tue 08-May-18 16:58:09

Gilly123 is there any way you could take home made favourite foods in for her? My mother never ate hopsital food so I took her lunch and dinner in every day and we supplied her rice crispies and her grapefruit for her breakfast.Because it was food she was familiar with she ate it.Her weight still dropped alarmingly because her appetite was tiny..she wasn't getting any exercise.The staff were grateful for our food though because they said if she didn't eat she wouldn't get home .Even taking home made soup in a flask and some sandwiches or something they could heat in the ward kitchen helps .

Gilly123 Tue 08-May-18 17:13:05

Penny Brohn x

Yes - crumpets going in and staff cooking them for her. Odd snacks, etc, Wiltshire Farm Food that she likes has gone in. I suggested to my husband that we take more food up with us. She did say she liked the Cottage Pie a few weeks ago and i ordered it for today. Will be interesting if she eats it. She does like chicken soup from Wairose so I could try that. I somehow think if we had a dietitian to help if the pain cause is identified. x