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Care & carers

Need help to arrange respite care

(12 Posts)
fluff Sun 26-Aug-18 21:03:51

I hope that some of you knowledgeable Gransnetters may be able to give me some advice.
A few days ago my father had to be taken into hospital by ambulance, he lives with my Mother who has dementia and Parkinsons, the Paramedics on the scene suggested that my mother should go in to respite care, and that to organise this I could phone her doctor the next day, is this how this is normally done? Anyhow this meant that my mother had to stay with me overnight.
When I telephoned the hospital to find out how my father was doing the next day, they, told me that they felt that he might be out that day , and to phone again later, well this then continued to happen day after day until after four days he finally came home, seeming fitter than he has in a long time , so they did a good job.
Well because I thought that he was coming home shortly all the time, I ended up looking after my mother for 4 days in total, and as I work from home was unable to do any work, this can’t happen again, can anyone advise me, how is respite care normally arranged, who arranges it, how quickly can it be arranged, and who pays the care home fees? I need to be more ready to act the next time this happens, I am anticipating my Mother objecting when the time comes so I feel that I need to be able to act quickly, she is already telling me what a lovely holiday she has had, and how I would make a lovely carer….. alarm bells are clanging so loudly I can hardly hear myself think!

Lynne59 Sun 26-Aug-18 21:16:48

You can either arrange it yourself, by simply looking for a care home to suit - CQC website will give you ratings of care homes - and you pay accordingly.

OR, contact Social Services and ask for the department that deals with care packages. Then explain what your mum needs, and wait for them to sort it out. They'd do an assessment of your mother, and they'd want to know everything about her financial situation.

annsixty Sun 26-Aug-18 22:02:30

As Lynne has said you can simply ring a private home and arrange it yourself. You will then pay the fees yourself.
This can be very expensive.
My H has dementia and after a stroke as well I was o

put in touch with SS by the hospital because I needed help with his personal care.
Because I look after him on my own I have been given 6 weeks respite care per year which I contribute towards, but SS pay a major amount.
Ask for a referall from your GP.

Seaside22 Mon 27-Aug-18 07:02:37

Hi Fluff.My mum was taken into hospital as an emergency , leaving my dad unable to care for himself, various problems, unfortunately I had flu at the same time, my husband rang social services, and they arranged a care package to take effect immediately, it was all sorted out within hours, 24 hour care was provided for three days, after that I sourced a care home for the next two weeks. I am an only one and wouldn't have been physically or mentally able to care for my dad.I still feel awful to this day, it was 8 years ago, and he is no longer with us, bless him, he hated the care home but I didn't have a choice at the time.Well done for looking after your mum. Hope you get some help if there is a next time, it is very stressful situation, and you can't always think straight, when upset, but a least if you had some phone numbers ready, you may be able to relax.Good luck.

Missfoodlove Mon 27-Aug-18 08:58:42

Is there a care package in place for your parents? If not this is the first thing you need to organise.
Go with your father to his GP and explain your parents needs.
Also get their home assessesed for any disability aids your mother may need. All this should be free of charge.
Your mother should also be entitled to an attendance allowance, if this has not been claimed do so quickly as this will help toward any respite costs.
There is help and support out there!
Age concern also run a free helpline, you could try calling them.
Good luck.

fourormore Mon 27-Aug-18 22:23:55

Fluff - I can't add anything to what has been said but I can give you some info that may be of use in the future?
Annsixty and any other G'netters looking at respite care please also read this!
My late mother had a package of care sorted by social services. She also used to have a week or so respite care each year so that we could have a break.
She enjoyed her respite weeks - always the same home and always a lovely room.
When she finally needed full time residential care, the obvious choice was where she had been so many times before.
Beware of falling into the trap we did!
The home only had a temporary room immediately but we were assured she'd move to a permanent room within a couple of weeks. We trusted them and she moved into a room with no en suite etc. totally unsuitable, but believing it was just for a couple of weeks she was happy to go.
6 or 7 weeks later still no permanent room - we were probably waiting for a resident to pass away although we were never told that obviously.
We could see Mum losing all hope so in desperation we looked for an alternative home and found a beauty! She moved and was extremely happy there for the last couple years of her life.
Afterwards it became clear - homes are not always full - empty rooms mean no income.
When Mum was a 'respite' resident they wanted her to come again to keep the rooms occupied so she always had lovely rooms.
Once she was a 'permanent' resident they knew the money was coming in 'for ever' so they could get away with keeping her in a lower standard room.
We visited many, many homes before picking what we believed was the best, for respite it was fine but for 'life' it was dreadful.
Don't be afraid to ask around. Good luck with your search and look after yourself as well flowers

Granny23 Mon 27-Aug-18 23:12:28

The system in our County is that there is a Respite Care facility, run by the Council, where the cared for person can go and stay for up to 6 weeks a year. If self-funding the charge is £722 pw. The facility always keeps 2 rooms empty ready for emergency admissions if the main carer is ill, hospitalised or has an accident. We have a button press alarm which alerts the Mobile Emergency Care Service, who will rush to the house and calm the cared for person and if necessary, pack a bag and take them to the Respite Centre for an overnight or longer stay. The system works well, particularly if the person is already familiar with the Respite Centre and the staff there, having been there before for pre-booked respite.

It certainly gives me peace of mind to know that DH would be well looked after if something should happen to me.

fluff Tue 28-Aug-18 07:49:14

Thank you all so much for your kind messages, and very helpful advice, I will definitely now see what I can put in place for the next time this happens, I was indeed getting quite panicky about the situation, and didn’t know where to turn, thanks again x

Granny23 Tue 28-Aug-18 19:04:23

Fluff This is a link to the page for Carers looking after Relatives on the Alzheimers Society's forum Talking Point.

I think you will find it helpful. You can read through other peoples problems and solutions and also post questions/dilemmas of your own.

ella99 Thu 06-Sep-18 13:26:38

You can also ask on for caregivers for part time or according to a preferred schedule

annsixty Thu 06-Sep-18 14:07:01

Do we have to pay travel costs
I wonder?
Will they travel economy?

ella99 Thu 27-Sep-18 16:34:15

It depends on the location I suppose. All these details are specified in a contract so you have just to discuss it with them.