Live-in care

Alexa - OH's anxiety is lifelong and resulted in his having to abandon his career at 42. It is much more of a problem now.

I talked about bursts of frenetic activity and we have just had one - it is physically taxing to move him, even with the right equipment here - and I find it emotionally draining to be basically changing a soiled nappy for an adult, and scraping it all up from everywhere - I wish I were better at it, but I hate it. I have to own my weaknesses.

grannybuy - your savings would never run out - SSD have to take responsibility when your OH's savings (independently of yours) fall below the limits set - they may not pay all the fees and a top-up might be required if you choose care that is more than they can pay. This applies to care at home as well as in a home.

Hi I used work unsocial hrs emergency services opposite shifts to oh and employed au pairs through reputable agency , once kids were of school age
all of girls stayed two years and worked then for 5 hrs a day and attended English lessons at a local college
All of them had very good grasp of English when arrived and all were lovely girls , several had relatives placed through Same agency who were doing live in care , nanny sitting type jobs and helped not only with the nanny , grandad but also light housework
They were called Avon au pair agency am not sure if they still are going
They were a very reasonable costs compared to previous live in English nannies had employed when kids were smaller
Hope this helps am sure there are others of a similar type agency

SueB20 does that arrangement muddy the waters if the companion should become unable to meet the needs of the owner, and then you are left with a lodger/tenant to try and get rid of? When the accommodation goes with a job in a more formal sense, there is no legal grey area, the job ends and the person has to leave.

Luckygirl, DH is currently in a nursing home due to his very poor mobility and delusion. I tend to say 'currently ' because not a day goes past when I don't consider having him at home. I have an AC at home with special needs so I have to factor this in as well. I have thought about private care, but realise that when the savings run out, we'd have no money to keep it going. As it is now, the local authority takes over the care home fees when this happens. Private care would certainly save a person from leaving their home, and avoid care home fees for a time though.

Hi Alexa
There is a scheme called Shared Lives that offers a swap of accommodation for some support and companionship in the home , it was on the news some time ago and offers DBS checks and a matching service.

Luckygirl, I take it that the occupational therapist has provided any patient lifting equipment, commodes, and so on that may be helpful?

A wet room is often very useful but they cost about £7,000 to install.

Luckygirl does your doctor know about your husband's anxiety problem?

My BIL has advanced PD with dementia. My much younger sister is exhausted and has employed two men from the Philippines, alternating weeks. It’s the most enormous help to her. She was at breaking point and also trying to continue with her specialised career from home. One insists on doing ironing etc. It’s very expensive, but for anyone who can afford it, totally worthwhile. BIL has picked up a lot, watching cricket on tv again as the stimulation of another man chatting to him has made a difference. My sister didn’t use an agency. She put a message on her local FB page for help and a doctor who knows the Philippine carers locally put them in touch. It’s cheaper and better than an agency.

In the 1930s when I was a little girl there were middle aged widows who had paid lady companions. I don't doubt that in both cases if either lady had become disabled the other would have cared for her. I distinctly remember two lady companions who were friends of my parents besides the lady whose house they lived in.

The Lady magazine has adverts of that sort I think. There are such opportunities. However personal care 24/7 is heavy work and hardly comparable with light housework and gardening. Whether or not a suitable live in carer could be found depends on the actual physical tasks required and the frequency of the care events.

I have sent further questions to the agency based on some of the above posts, so lots of thanks for that.

The agency seems to deal with all the paperwork, vetting etc. - but the carers are nominally self-employed so they are personally responsible for tax, NI etc. - I would just pay the agency, who pays them.

The thing about OH is that he sleeps quite a lot during he day; but he needs supervision for safety; and there are bursts of frenetic activity when he needs transferring for toileting, washing etc. - and I struggle to do this.

His anxiety is a huge factor and he needs constant reassurance or he gets in a panic - this is one of the reasons it is so hard to leave the house.

People from the Phillipines also seem to be kind and reliable carers.
We stayed in a hotel in April and there were several disabled elderly people there with carers, most from the Phillipines.
Quite expensive though - they had to pay the hotel bill for the carer too, I should think.

Does the agency employ the carer in the same way they do visiting carers and so deal with necessary checks, pension etc lucky? It sounds as if it would give you continuity, a more stable routine and of course help keep your husband at home while reducing the pressure on you. This might sound odd but I wonder if the agency would be able to ask other clients using live in carers if they would speak with you about the reality? You can’t be the only person using this system. It’s a big step so of course be sure you understand the limitations to their role and the financial implications. It’s such an individual decision, you do need extra support if your husband is to stay at home so I totally understand you checking this out.

It would depend on your level of need. If it's round the clock care then I believe the cost is too high for most families which is when they resort to finding the best possible carehome within their budget.
However I am friendly with an elderly widow who is brought to our weekly coffee morning by her live in carer. I've never asked exactly how it works except her carer chatted to me yesterday and said she goes home for 6 weeks later in the summer, when presumably someone else takes over.
She's an older lady herself so it's quite intriguing. At first I thought she was a relative as in a Jane Austen novel, coming to care for her aged aunt.
My friend, who is over 90, seems to like her and she gets to go somewhere different everyday.
I'm not sure I would like someone always there but better than the alternative?

P.S you sound as though you are worn out. Can you look into some respite care for your husband, so you can have time to yourself?

It sounds better than what you are trying to do now , interesting that the carer needs a week off per month , but you don't ? Also if that months carer isn't your soul mate they are replaced after a month

As others have said, a live in cater would need his/her own time off, and would not do your laundry or any housework apart from your husband’s room. They may prepare meals for your husband, but not for you. He/she would also need a room of their own, perhaps with a tv. How would you feel about sharing a kitchen, bathroom and living room with someone else?
. Would you be able to cope with your husband’s care if you had someone to do the housework? This would be cheaper than live-in care. You could then pay for a private carer for specific hours, which would be better for your husband. You don’t say what your husband’s needs are, but I’m assuming if he has three visits a day they are for personal care.

Sorry, crossed posts

Niobe is right Luckygirl You need to look at your expectations, your finances and what you can reasonably expect from a carer.

The system with the agency I am looking at does a 4 week placement, then the carer takes a week off while a replacement covers that time.

The carer is entitled to 2 hours free time a day and this is negotiated with the family.

I know of someone who did this Luckygirl but there were 2 carers to cover the time needed and time off etc. Remember employers now have to pay pension plans etc now too. As Riverwalk pointed out, they won't do all your housework, cooking etc. Only what is needed for the patient.

There are systems in place, in some areas, where a young person (often a student) gets free accomodation in return for companionship in the home of an old person.

I know 2 families who have done this but it was not one person all the time, that would be unsustainable.
What happened was ,one person came for two weeks and was on duty day and for night care for about 20 hours.
Some one else came for 4 hours mid afternoon, so the carer could either sleep if necessary or go out for some R&R.
After 2 weeks someone else would move in.
One person could not possibly do what you describe day in day out month in month out.
The last fa mily were paying £1000 a week, but the cost of extra food, accommodation etc has also to be factored in.

Alexa
Rose colored spectacles, in an ideal world you are right and if everyone who could not find housing would look after those that needed care. The reality is that anyone who is caring and provides a service wants to be rewarded for their time and does not value accommodation at all, to them living in means being on call 24/7, so very few want to do it.

There was years ago a system where those that could not support themselves were give accommodation in return for caring and other duties. It was called the Workhouse and although it was done with good intentions it was very unpopular!.

As with any live-in staff, relative or visitor everything hangs on how well you and DH get on and are comfortable with the carer.

With a bit of luck you'll find one of the many fine East European women/men that do this sort of work. Some are highly-qualified professionals in other fields but work very hard and are not resentful of having to come abroad to work in a domestic role.

I'm not sure I would like it, lucky. I dont think I would like having someone around on their down time if they didnt go home.