Gransnet forums

Care & carers

Care Home on Lock Down

(22 Posts)
Granny23 Fri 13-Mar-20 23:52:31

As of today DH's Care Home has, following a directive from the Care Commision, been closed indefinitely to all visitors, including spouses. Nor will we be allowed to take him out, e.g. to see the new house that DD1 has just bought.I know logically that this is to protect the residents and that DH will be well cared for and quite content. However this development has hit me hard.

We have been told that we can speak to DH on the telephone, but that is not going to work as he is very deaf. I can't bear the thought of not seeing him for weeks (maybe months), I will need to restructure my days, finding other things to keep me occupied. I will miss my visits - getting a hug and sharing a joke with DH, joining in the activities and sharing memories. I will miss the chats over a coffee with caring staff and other residents. Daughters and Grandbairns who usually visit at the weekend are also upset that they will not be able to see him. They have said that they will send him photos and letters about their doings.

Dementia is such a cruel disease both for the sufferer and those who love them. This pandemic has just added another dimension to the suffering.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 13-Mar-20 23:54:45

MILs Care Home is also on lock down, I doubt that she will realise that anything is amiss, and she doesn’t understand the telephone any more.

So we are calling for daily updates

MissAdventure Fri 13-Mar-20 23:57:44

I wonder if the home could set up Skype calls for families?
It shouldn't be too difficult.

varian Sat 14-Mar-20 00:01:49

This will be hard for you all. Is it possible to use Skype or set up a family WhatsApp so you can at least make short video calls? That could even include showing him the new house. It might help you all a bit just to see each other smile.

I know it's it the same,because of his dementia, but many of us do this to connect with family far away.

Granny23 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:17:02

I've had a sleepless night, feeling very alone. I don't think a Skype call would work as it would simply confuse DH. Also the staff will be working flat out and probably short staffed as any with the slightest symptom will have to self isolate at home. I have come up with the idea of making a video featuring the new house and all the family sending messages. I know the Home has an extensively used video player. So they could show DH the video as often as he wanted and we could send in an updated version from time to time.

Sorry to whinge but DH and I have been together for 55 years, seldom apart for more than a night or two. If he had been jailed then at least I would have been allowed regular visits. This could go on for months and if the worst happens I might never see him or hold him again

travelsafar Sat 14-Mar-20 08:22:38

Granny23 so sad to read your post this morning. sad

Auntieflo Sat 14-Mar-20 08:28:04

Granny23. This is so hard for you, and I suspect many others as well.
Could you make do, for a while, with a virtual hug from your GN friends?
One is winging it's way to you now. {{{hug}}}

jacq10 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:30:26

You are not whinging Granny23. I'm glad you are able to share your thoughts and feelings with us. It will be so hard for you but you will get strength and the video would be an excellent idea.

anna7 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:31:50

I am so sorry Granny23. Sending you and your DH best wishes in this worrying and sad situation.

Susan56 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:35:22

So sorry Granny23,so difficult for you.Sending love💐

Lucca Sat 14-Mar-20 08:37:34

I feel so sad for you Granny23 and can I say I think people should feel free to share this kind of feeling on gransnet without having to “excuse” themselves.

annsixty Sat 14-Mar-20 08:55:35

Granny23 this scenario had gone through my mind in the last few days as this time last year my H was in a care home and I had thought about lockdown.
I visited 4 times a week and life revolved around planning my week as obviously yours does.
I am so very sorry for both of you and your family.
Life can be so cruel, this is another blow for you all.
Possible staff shortages is a nightmare scenario too awful to contemplate.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 14-Mar-20 09:40:58

Granny23 I am so sad for you and your family, I hope that you can take some comfort in the fact that the restrictions are in place to protect your DH flowers

Daisymae Sat 14-Mar-20 09:48:21

This is such a difficult time for you and your family. Hopefully the measures will protect your husband and the residents. They are taking the right action and being proactive, could you write to him? Send cards and photos? The staff may have time to read something. XX

Granny23 Sat 21-Mar-20 08:25:45

Over on the Alzheimer's forum Talking Point there has been discussion about "Will he/she still remember me when I can visit again?" and also many people reporting that they are having vivid dreams featuring their locked down loved one.

I had a lightbulb moment, when the home reported that DH was well, was sleeping a lot and seemed to be dreaming. Suddenly realised that while I am thinking and dreaming about him, he will be thinking and dreaming about ME! He has very little short term memory, so will not realise that he has had no visitors. In his mind he will be living in the past and hopefully, reliving happier times.

Granny23 Mon 23-Mar-20 11:15:24

Some good news at last. Care Home has set up skype and a facebook page where relatives can book a slot . I was working in the garden sunshine nearly all day yesterday so didn't see this but DD1 did and was able to talk to and see her Dad via skype, She says he was a bit confused but happy to see her and knew who she was. He was looking very smart, wearing his Sunday Best.

I will attempt to "see" him today grin

Granny23 Thu 26-Mar-20 11:59:11

Well I got my call all set up and sat waiting patiently on Tuesday evening for it to come through but nothing!!
Discovered yesterday morning that calls are set up via messenger not Skype so re booked and it worked grin. DH not very interested and when I remarked how well he looked he responded by saying I looked very old and ill sad. He was more anxious to get back to the lounge for his supper of tea and cake than to talk to me but did manage to raise a laugh when I blew kisses and he made a great show of wiping them off his face. When I signed off with 'Nice to see you' he immediately replied 'To see you nice'.

Not the best chat I have ever had but enough to reassure me that he is well and content where he is.

notanan2 Thu 26-Mar-20 12:05:37


Daisymae Thu 26-Mar-20 13:07:09

Good news. At least you have been reassured that all is well with your DH. Hopefully you can rest more easily now.

Susan56 Thu 26-Mar-20 13:23:07

Glad you are feeling reassured Granny23💐

Sheba Tue 16-Jun-20 13:09:34

Just got an 'easing lock down' call from my Mothers care home. Initial visit in 10 days, just for an hour but I am so happy.

More good news, my DS at risk of reduncy just been told his job is safe, my cup floweth over...just tinged with sadness for all losing their jobs and those that lost parents in care homes.

Judy54 Tue 16-Jun-20 16:33:16

Sheba how fantastic that you can now visit your Mother and that your DS has found out his job is safe. In sharing your good news you still have time to think of others who have lost jobs or been bereaved. That is so thoughtful and kind of you.