Problem with gardener

You need to stop him coming immediately.
He clearly thinks he has the upper hand, this will only get worse as time moves on.
He could become a bigger problem, find a replacement and keep things on a professional level.

Thank you again Scones, very helpful.

Why not look on checkatrade or similar for someone doing gardening in your area. And no more meals! Keep a professional distance if he does return. Meanwhile, I’d be actively looking to let him go.

your big mistake was allowing him over the threshold for meals before you got to know him .... you employ him to garden, he is not your friend.

I've had a thought Sloegin. Could your garden services people do a 'spring blitz' and 'autumn blitz' that would keep your garden under control. Then your qualified lady would come in now and then (to keep costs down) when she has a moment just to keep things a bit pretty.

Some of my keen veg growing clients found that transferring their veg growing to raised vegetable trugs (for sale all over the place and online) they were able to keep growing their own without all the bending and heavy digging.

Don't let this get you down. A garden's meant to be a fun thing and a pleasure. Getting the right people for the job will make it all seem more manageable. Hope your husband comes around to moving if that's what you really want.

I wouldn't have him back - not because of the way he spoke to you about your dog, but because he didn't do as you asked regarding the furniture, fridge etc. That's not a personal issue, that's just not doing his job (and it is his job, however casual it is) as you asked. Is there a local Facebook group for your area? If so, you could ask on there if anyone knows anyone who can help. It might be a teenager who is looking for something to fund their way through college, or a pensioner who needs to keep busy (and some ££s). Either way, you are the 'employer' and that person is the 'employee', no matter how personable or not they might turn out to be. Good luck. x

Thank you Scones, you've made me feel a lot better. We did have a very nice ,properly qualified gardener but she was expensive and was employed nearly full time at a ' big house' so could only fit us in when free. This chap is not very knowledgeable about plants but good at digging, cutting hedges and grass etc. We have got a ' garden services' person who will come once a year to cut back creeper on the house. I think, at this stage, I'd be happy to move to an apartment! DH just can't accept leaving.

I wouldn't have him back as wouldn't want to be tip-toeing around my own home keeping out of his way.

And definitely wouldn't tolerate someone shouting aggressively at me!

Laugh perhaps and say to your husband you’ve decided that you might as well buy your veg rather than paying a gardener to grow them for you!

Cheeky bugger. He seems the type to ‘do his own thing’. I’d be uncomfortable around him. Seems he’s got a sharp tongue too. A ‘no’ from me anyway!

Before I retired I was a gardener. Most of my work was for people who loved their gardens and had been keen gardeners before they found themselves needing help as they got older. Often my lovely clients would potter around the garden with me as I worked and we would plan projects together and talk plants for hours.

I loved doing the job and it was a joy when my customers became friends, gave me snack or cuppas.

I'm a bit shocked by the comments here telling Sloegin to 'pull up her big knickers' and to put up with the swearing and shouting. Also, the 'you can't get the staff' jokes aren't helpful. If you are buying a service you don't have to put up with bad behaviour from anyone, whatever their background. I'm a working class person who has been employed by multiple clients of all backgrounds over many years. I would treat people politely and with respect and they always returned that favour.

I don't see why the OP should have to skulk in her house keeping out of the way of a man she is paying to work in her garden.

The customer isn't always right, but this lady and her husband seems like great people to work for and the least this man could do is be pleasant and not foul mouthed. The dog is on it's own land and was presumably part of the deal when the man took the job on. An experience gardener will know how to keep a dog out of the way if any dangerous work is going on.

Good gardeners are hard to find, but they are out there. I'd recommend keeping a polite distance from this man, forget the incident and focus all your energy on trying to find one of the qualified (not retired painters) gardeners out there who will enjoy working in your garden for such kind, generous employers.

I live in a very rural area and last week, after much searching and waiting (10 months) a man came to install a fence. He was a chap as different from me as it is as possible to be. He was excellent at what he did and a great bloke to have around. I gave him lunch and cuppas galore and he brought his fab little dog along who romped around the garden all day with my own dog. He and I got on like a house on fire and as well as doing a brilliant job I enjoyed his company.

Keep looking...they're out there.

I have a gardener and when he calls we say our pleasantries then I just leave him to get on with things as he knows what needs doing , it’s their job to know . I think you’ve taken this position step too far in making him lunches , analysing his personality, trying to make a friend out of him, he obviously doesn’t feel the same , as he’s hard working man as you say just leave him alone to it to get on with his job , the poor guy most probably doesn’t want all the fuss and faffing about , just a quiet life and to get on and do the job you’ve employed him do.

I suggest you let your husband deal with him in future and keep contact to a minimum beyond making the odd cup of tea or coffee. Dh may enjoy chatting to him about the garden but it sounds as if your chap likes to be left alone to get on with the job. Experienced hard working gardeners can be difficult to find. Most are so called landscapers with minimal actual gardening knowledge and charge an arm and a leg as well. You could look for another gardener but keep this one on until you find one.

Allsorts, than you for your kind, helpful response and yes, those telling me the mistakes I made have just rubbed salt in the wound. I'm well aware that I've handled this badly. Baggy and Fleur thank you too. I know he's not frightened of dogs and think he was genuinely concerned that she might have or cause an accident . I had no problem with him telling me to keep her in but he was so aggressive in the way he said it. Really unpleasant. Merely Streep, you make a very good point.

I can understand why you are so upset. The advise you have been given is ( mostly) sound. No more meals but drink of tea is the way to go. Let your DH desk with him re. payment. Keep him to outside work only , perhaps look for another gardener if you continue to feel uncomfortable about him.

Sloegin, I can see how you are upset, you sound a very kind person and you certainly shouldn’t have had to have been treated as you have. Some of the replies have been less than helpful, telling you the mistakes you have made. Its not easy when your not used to employing someone for jobs you’ve always managed yourselves. You treated him as you wish to be treated but you saw another side of him. Try in future to keep it friendly and business like.
Until you can get another gardener, don’t let him in the house, take him a cup of tea about half an hour after he starts and take it out to him. No more meals, just friendly, tell him what needs doing, check it when he’s finished and get your husband to pay him.
You have enough to worry about without him adding to it.

You say he is a recovering alcoholic, but do you know how long ago he gave up drinking. You never know, maybe he was having a bad day fighting his demons.
In difficult situations like this where you still have to see the person my mantra has always been: least said, soonest mended and, fake it ‘till you make it.

..then again he may have had safety concerns when clearing branches if a dog was running loose in the area....

No never a teacher sloegin

They do say "Least said, soonest mended." This guy has 'issues' that are nothing to do with you; it's unfortunate that some of them rub off on you so to speak. If you want him to keep doing garden work, I think Lucca's suggestion that you keep out of his way and let your husband deal with him is a good idea.

Just a thought also: he may be frightened of dogs. Some people are. And dogs that run towards you, whether friendly or not, can be triggering.

My dear, one simply can't get the staff nowadays.

If you read your post through I am sure you will realize why.

Just like any relationship that breaks down the confidence has gone, just thank him for his help and move on, long term garden help is hard to find though.

I think that's great advice from BlueBelle- as we have been looking for someone to do garden maintenance type jobs recently (stuff we can't do so easily anymore) our experience so far has been that it's difficult to find someone interested in that type of thing. Most people want big garden makeover type jobs it seems. So if he does the garden stuff you want done well leave him to do that, let your husband deal with him for payment etc and forget about the rest.

As I said elsewhere (yesterday) don't make friends with staff. They do the work, you pay them - that's it.

Ah BlueBelle, you're great! Were you a teacher I wonder ? You sound like you've been a sensible form mistress who was used to helping upset pupils get on with things after a disagreement with a classmate. Everything you say is absolutely right. I do literally have a lot of big knickers but will try to pull up the metaphorical ones. My husband wants him to come next week to finish some hedge cutting so I think the dog and I will have a day out together.

Glad you realise it’s about just differences in values, education, and life …....like every mistake we ve ALL made you need to grow a thick skin, shove it to the back of your mind and forget it, hard when you are a sensitive, kind person but it’s truly the only way, file it away, stop blaming yourself or him and start again but keep it on a completely professional level
You pleasantly say hello as if nothing happened you then let him get on with his work take him a coffee or tea if you want be pleasant but don’t enter into any friendliness
He ll have forgotten all about it LONG, LONG ago

As he’s a good worker and you have no other alternative gardeners to take on this is your choice keep beating yourself up over something you can’t change or pull your big girl knickers up and carry on as if nothing happened …it will get easier each time