I think one of the saddest aspects of the whole situation is how people have developed an even bigger dread of care.
I was able to look after my father in my own home, he had vascular dementia but remained calm and on the whole the situation was manageable. He had some respite care before he moved in with me but it was local and you could visit any time.
Covid has changed all that and I cannot imagine the impact of not being able to see your relative on both the relative and resident.
I will be honest in that in my experience most residents ,especially those with dementia struggle to settle. That said sometimes dementia develops in a way that makes care at home impossible. My youngest daughter has vowed never to put me in a care home. Although it's not something I would choose I am adamant that if my needs were such it put impossible pressure on my family that is what must be done.
Next week the programme covers care in peoples homes. For me these carers probably have the hardest job of all. They are a genuine lifeline but stretched to breaking point.
When my father was diagnosed in 2010 he and my mother were offered a care package. They were unwilling to take it but I insisted. Between then and 2016 it was terrifying to see how that package changed. Nevertheless by 2014 we eventually had an excellent and complex package in place.
This continued when my dad moved in with me.,although mainly consisted of support to get him up and dressed.
In September 2015 he had a funny turn and was admitted to hospital with the start of an infection. He nearly died twice. He pulled through but I was at the hospital 8 hours a day to ensure hydrated,fed and kept oxygen mask on. It was a small side ward of 8 men. All had had a fall etc,but before that had been living independently. My father was the only one to return home ,there were no community packages,the rest went into residential care.
My fathers needs were now physically more complex and he needed a hoist. I'm from a care background so it was familiar to me. In the end we could only get a care package if I was the second carer due to my experience.
I was up at around 6am to get everything ready for first care call when we washed dressed and hoisted dad from bed to chair.
There was another call after lunch to hoist him on to commode then bed for change of position. This was done in reverse at tea time. The final call was at 9pm to Houston from chair ,get into pyjamas and into bed.
Even with me as second carer this was costing over £1000 month.This was 2015 and I know it's pretty much impossible in my area to get any sort of care package at the moment.