Husband going into care home

I have been through this situation Chrissy so I know what you are feeling.
My H “did” things in a different “order”
First came the dementia and then the stroke.
I cared for him on my own with carers in the morning to get him up ,showered and dressed.
After the stroke he was very difficult and I was over 80.
He went for respite a couple of times which was great so I asked for a permanent place for him.
He was past knowing about it.
When the place eventually came with less than a week’s notice I was almost in shock, was I doing the right thing?

Driving away from the home and garden he loved I was in pieces inside and after unpacking and leaving him there I was heartbroken.
However I knew that for us both it was the right thing as I couldn’t do it any more.

Less than 2 months later he was diagnosed with cancer and died after a month in hospital.

That was three years ago and on reflection was absolutely the right thing for us and I am sure it will be for you.
I visited 4 times a week and that was a pleasure and not hard as caring was.

Good luck and thing positively and with your head instead of your heart.

What a difficult time emotionally for you welshchrissy. Please don't feel guilty, you have cared for your husband so well.
Lots of good advice already given.

Take care of yourself xx

Big hugs welshchrissy, it is very hard to relinquish your caring duties, you are doing the very best for both of you, but it's a huge life change. My aunt also cared for my uncle for twenty years until she could no longer lift him, and he also went into a nursing home.

I hope your husband is comfortable and happy there, and it's not too far for you to visit.

My experience is nothing in comparison but I do understand the feeling of failure. What I did find was that in ceasing to be a carer I had the chance to be a wife again, and in retrospect that was very important. You will still be the one who monitors the care your DH receives so you are essential in a different way. I hope things go well for you both.

It’s a difficult situation welshchrissy my heart goes out to you.

I agree with the comments of redhead on this. My friend is in that situation with her husband.

Look after yourself too ?

You have devoted twenty years looking after your husband it’s second nature to you. He has accepted he has to go into care because he knows there is no choice. He also knows that you have cared for him now it’s time for much needed help.

You will see that he will soon settle into his new surroundings and know that he will be looked after. You on the other hand will find you have more time to do what you want to do. Visit your husband whenever you want when it suits you. It will take time to adapt but you will so don’t feel guilty you have been a loyal wife.

I didn't want to pass on by, and although I have no experience of this, I realise it's very hard for you emotionally and just wanted to send you my very warm wishes

Sending kindest thoughts to you

Logically you know it’s for the best, emotionally it’s very hard. You may find some support from Age UK, they might also direct you to local services or groups.
I’m hoping you have friends or family you can talk to at this difficult time.
Take care of yourself.

I didn't want to read and run, as I have no experience of this.
What a sad situation for you.
You seem a very loving wife and have devoted your life to caring for your husband, it's time now to let others help.
Your health is also important and I am sure you must be permanently exhausted.

Wishing all the best in such a difficult situation.