Mum sleeping too long

My grandmother was in her 90s when she died and did sleep a lot towards the end. When she was awake she was alert as ever for about an hour. After that she began to drift again and doze in her chair. As another poster upthread has mentioned she had lost her mobility and could not longer do many of the things which gave her pleasure. My gran was well aware of her body gradually shutting down and even wished for "The Lord to take me in my sleep" one night. We all knew what was happening but it is still very sad to see a much loved person gradually fading. As other posters have said it is best to accept the inevitable and allow her to do as she wishes.

Hi maddyone. I remember your struggles with your mum.Hope your doing well. Your mum sounds very similar to mine in that she’s no interest in much apart from us, her family, it’s just difficult trying to be six people when there’s only one. My AC like everyone else’s are very busy with their own DC they visit when they can.
I’m hoping 🤞 she doesn’t need to go into care, but we’ll see. I understand your guilt, to be honest it’s the worst bit. I can’t take mum out now, as her bp is very unstable and she’s always dizzy, she refuses a wheelchair, but then gets very cross because she can’t go out.
At least now she’s asleep all day, that’ll become less of a problem.

Hi Katy, it is really very distressing to watch their decline isn’t it? My mum and I had a difficult relationship in earlier years, and she remained quite demanding until she went into her care home after she fell and broke her shoulder. Nonetheless I loved her dearly and felt guilty if I felt irritated at times. I think partly it’s because everything fell to me because my sister, who lived 250 miles away, and took no responsibility anyway, simply wasn’t interested, but I tried to look after mum as well as I could. It’s a heavy responsibility and you do worry about every change. My son used to pressurise me to some extent, only because he loved his Nana, to take her out, but after the fall, and the move into the care home, the toileting needs, and the lack of mobility, made this impossible, apart from around the care home garden or locality. I felt terrible about this but it was what it was. If your mum seems happy, or at least as happy as she can be under the circumstances, then my advice would be to try not to worry, although I know you will anyway.

maddyone. I’m sorry you had no help from your sister. How I’ve wished for a sibling, but I know their not always helpful. I think the guilt must be just par for the course.

Mum doesn’t seem to mind sleeping in, but she does get cross and demanding with just about everything else.
Trying to spread myself between my DH, family and friends is almost impossible, but of course she doesn’t understand, and wants me there everyday. I’m going every 3rd day at the moment. Like you say it is what it is.

Primrose53

What time does she go to bed at night?

My Mum was a great sleeper. In her 90s she would get up about 7 am. Lunch at 12 and back in bed for 1pm and maybe sleep until 4. She hated sleeping in chairs so always went to bed.

She would go to bed about 8pm. So she slept around 14 hours a day. A few years later she was sleeping even more.

There is such a thing as “sundowning” where people with dementia start falling asleep much earlier in winter when the sun goes down.

There is such a thing as “sundowning” where people with dementia start falling asleep much earlier in winter when the sun goes down
Sundowning in people with dementia is something different.
It seems to be a time of the day when people become more confused, often agitated, and can pace around the house and even become anxious or even aggressive.
It prevents someone from sleeping.

I agree with bluebell. My mother is over 103 she is now sleeping much more. She’s asleep and misses meals it’s natures way of winding down

My mum is currently like this but it's because she has heart failure / racing heart. Has that been checked out?

Hi chattykathy. Mum has a blocked valve, arterial fibrillation and has had two small heart attacks in the last eighteen months. Dr hasn’t said she has heart failure though, but I think it does contribute to her tiredness.
Is there any treatment for your mum?

Sadly this is how it went with my mother who was in 'good health' until 102nd year but never recovered full mobility after a hip fracture due to a minor car accident at age 97 yrs. She always got up and dressed early but increasingly snoozed in a recliner chair. Appetite fell away completely save for Tesco mini trifles! It was a constant problem to get her to drink sufficiently. Like the Queen, cause of death was 'frailty of old age' and that covers a multitude.

Vintage girl. That is amazing, to be in good health until 102 in spite of a hip fracture.
My mum fell and fractured her hip aged 87 that’s seems to be when things started to decline for her. The eating and drinking is a real problem, my mum just seems to forget, and never gets hunger pangs.

She was blessed with good health and mentally very bright. Always enjoyed good meals so yes appetite seemed to fall away. Second anniversary just passed, greatly missed, 'beloved by all who knew her'.

Vintagegirl. Precious memories for you all ❤️

Katyj

Hi chattykathy. Mum has a blocked valve, arterial fibrillation and has had two small heart attacks in the last eighteen months. Dr hasn’t said she has heart failure though, but I think it does contribute to her tiredness.
Is there any treatment for your mum?

She's been given a beta blocker that I don't think helps. Best wishes for your mum

I have heart failure and slept for hours each day, until I was prescribed medication to alleviate some of the symptoms. I am only 68.
There are a number of medications available, the problem is finding one that suits.

Could she be awake most of the night instead though? Then would of course be asleep till three if not got to sleep till dawn or more?maybe shes got her body clock turned upside down.

Could carers call at 3 or 3.30 then you could call at 6pm??

Yes could it be a medication problem? If some are making her sick or drowsy then that could impact on her or are any making her insomniac at night so she then sleeps later on when theyve worn off?

She seems happy and contented, you said, why try to change it let nature take its course she is a very elderly lady many of us would dream of an end where you just sleep away
It’s you that wants answers where there may be none I wish my mum and dad could have not have the traumatic painful end they both had I would have loved for them to slip away in sleep
Don’t try to end what may not be broke

Mend not end sorry

She is coming to the end of her life gently and by degrees - that is fine. If you are worried about any distress from dehydration then Ensure and other similar drinks are good - liquid plus nourishment.

It sounds as though she is not unhappy, so that is a blessing.

She is winding down, all you can do is make sure she is content and comfortable, nature will take its course.

We all feel guilty that we cannot do more, as carers we do our best to do the right thing, my own experience is that the patient or relative has little awareness for a period before the end, the cruelest part is that can sometimes be a year or more.

I’d think it was more a symptom of very old age.
IMO anyone of that age should be allowed to eat whatever they want and sleep however long they want to.

I particularly dislike seeing very elderly people being badgered and pestered to eat when they so very clearly don’t want to. I witnessed it more than once in my mother’s care home, where I know it was done with the best of intentions, but it was distressing to see. (Those people all had fairly advanced dementia.)

nannan. Yes I do think she’s awake for quite a while during the night, but of course I have no real way of knowing as she gets quite confused.
The carers call at 3.30 make her a cup of tea in bed, then when she’s able she gets up around 4.30 and has breakfast. The carers come again about 6.30 pm so I’m aiming to go about 6pm, like you suggested. It’s a change to my routine but I’ll have to go with it for now at least.
She’s not bothered about getting up late, but she is very anxious generally. When I spoke to her yesterday, she wasn’t feeling well, and wanted to know why, we have this conversation at least once a day.
I try and explain as best I can, but it only seems to make her angry.
Thank you ladies for listening , it is a very difficult job as a lot of you know from your own mums and family. I’m just going to try and stay positive around her, and try and distract her as much as possible. Thank you

This is a very comforting post and comments to read as I have a very similar situation, my 92 year old father lives with us and sleeps more than he is awake, it's very stressful as he does occasionally get up and you can get it's the most difficult day of our week lol when we have our 2 year old grandson to look after and our young dog is being tiresome not to mention my 70 year old husband who struggles to understand how Dad can sleep all day for days then miraculously get up, walk to the pub for a pint and a sandwich and act like he gets up every day, however it does take all his energy (we do offer a lift) and he is then in bed again for days where he sleeps all day and all night. He's never been a big eater so i just do my best to give him food when he wants it but i don't stress over it anymore, he does have dementia but it doesn't seem to affect too much, he still washes and dressed himself - very difficult to plan anything but we manage - most of the time. Drs are aware, lots of tests done but i guess just old age and as everyone says winding down.

Isnt t it wonderful and just how it’s meant to be, just gently bit by bit, signing out, so much more to be grateful for than a major illness or a bad fall ending their life.