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Can I get this off my chest

(55 Posts)
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Germanshepherdsmum Sun 12-Nov-23 10:12:26

Would phone calls from Silverline help?

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Oreo Sun 12-Nov-23 10:09:23

You’re doing your best, but she still feels lonely and depressed.
Try and find out why she won’t go to any clubs, is she a bit deaf, can’t get there easily or worries about people not taking to her if she joins.Also try and get another GP visit about the memory loss.Talk to your Mum honestly about this and get her to open up to you.She’s the same age as my Mum, who doesn’t have those problems but if she did then open and honest dialogue is the way to go.
Would she be happier in a retirement flat for instance, with people her own age all around?

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crazyH Sun 12-Nov-23 09:56:27

Nannie4 - This is the right place to get things off your chest. I am a few years younger than your Mum, but I know I tend to forget things. My neighbour who is younger than me , also tends to forget names etc…. it’s a sign of getting old, I guess. Once you go to a Doctor, you will come out with a worrying diagnosis. I hope she gets out of this rut - it’s so easy to just stay at home. Today, my daughter is taking me to a show. Very sweet of her, but honestly, I’d rather stay at home, but I haven’t told her that. Here are some flowers for you and your mum.

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Soroptimum Sun 12-Nov-23 09:48:17

I really feel for you, but don’t know what to suggest to ease your situation. Didn’t want to just scroll by. I’m sure that there will be some gns who will be more helpful. Hopefully, writing your post has been useful to you. Sending 💐

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Nannie4 Sun 12-Nov-23 09:37:20

Hi
I think I’m really just putting this on here as I need to talk to people who understand.
My mum is 81 , physically fit and well though her memory is getting worse ( I’m beginning to suspect dementia). Dad passed away 5 years ago from dementia.
I’m her only contact and she has made me her whole world . I hate to say it but I’m really struggling . She used to come to my house 4 days a week but I’ve changed my job so now she comes 3 days a week Since I changed jobs she is spiralling into depression and says it’s really hit her . She is on antidepressants already .
I have tried to get her to join various clubs in the village but she says they full of old people and it’s not for her !! She did agree to going to an arts and crafts club but said she forgot ( even though I text her to remind her ) my friend does mums nails and told me she is worried as she she she seems so depressed . She talked her into going to the same club the next week but again she said she felt ill and couldn’t go . Basically I feel mum is just sitting in the house alone all day doing nothing and seeing no one . This would be ok if I felt she was sitting there happily but she isn’t .
As a daughter how do I cope with the feelings of guilt and responsibility. I feel like I have to “fix” everything for her and make her happy . I work full time and have 6 grandchildren ( two of whom live with me most weekends whilst my son is on deployment with the armed forces )
As for dementia I went with her to the dr for something unrelated and he said why don’t we book in to look at the memory loss . She hasn’t and I feel a diagnosis is too scary for her and realistically once dad got his diagnosis he became very depressed and frankly I wish he hadn’t known . We got absolutely no help whatsoever for him as mum was fit enough to look after him .
Sorry this was long . I don’t even think I’m looking for advice , just a listening ear x

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