Complex care needs for my husband

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Hithere : I don’t know what resources in the uk could help me

I feel this is a terribly hard time for you and nursing home placement isn’t taken lightly.
If he goes into a nursing home from hospital my advice is for you to spend what time you can helping to feed him. This should alleviate your worries that staff aren’t doing enough. They almost certainly will be doing the very best they can. I’m sure they will be happy to have you taking the pressure off them.
You will probably see another view of things hopefully in a good way.

It's such a tough time and there are so many emotions colliding with each other.

Remember, there are options available but it is important to make the right choice, not for him, not for you, but for both of you.

Take some time to try and remove yourself from the situation (easier said than done!) and weigh up pro's and con's of each option and try and look at them objectively and then you can decide whether caring for him yourself, home care, live-in care or a care home is the best option for you.

Sometimes, the hardest decision is the best decision but only you can decide that.

Please don’t think of having him home, you will kill yourself trying to look after him. As others have said spend time with him at meal times. It’s a nightmare time for you and I wish you luck.

Hello everyone
Thanks again for your messages
You have convinced me that it is not right to have my husband back home and I am at peace now with this conclusion
However , I would like to update you on what’s happened today
A social worker has phoned me to say that John’s needs can be met at home and they are proposing to send him home with a package of care
So , now , what do I do ?

Notjustaprettyface with the best will in the world you are not going to be able to provide your husband with the level of care he requires. Even with a care package in place it’s likely that there will be a gap of many hours between carer visits.

You’ve said your husband has mobility issues and pressure sores. You couldn’t possibly change his position or deal with episodes of incontinence. Realistically your poor husband could be incontinent within an hour of the carers leaving but they’re still not going to return till their allotted time which could be 8 hours later. His pressure sores will worsen and are likely to become infected.

For your husband’s wellbeing and also yours please have a straight talk with his social worker and make it clear you aren’t able to look after him at home. He will receive the 24hr care he needs in residential care and you can visit every day and encourage him with food and drink.

The alternative is to risk your own health as well as your dear husband’s 💐

Thank you so much granny nanny wanny

Grannynannywanny has given excellent advice. Don't let social services bully you. And play up any health problems you have and play the frail older woman. Even if you aren't.

They can't just send him home just like that. Phone you GP surgery tomorrow and get the backing of your GP also the backing of the nurses and doctors who are caring for him .

Refuse point blank to have him home. They can't force you . It's awful you having to fight this way to get the best care for your husband. But you can't risk your health not matter how much you love your husband. 💐

Has he had a salt (speech and language therapy) assessment to look at his swallow?

They always try and push people home

Having recently supported a friend through a very similar situation please don’t agree to accept your husbands care at home notjust. Our friend tried, her husband had to be admitted to a fairly inappropriate home as an emergency, she was very unwell and remains so. Social Workers now accept the decision to press for care at home was wrong, the family continue to seek a move to a more appropriate home and to support their mum while she struggles with serious health issues. I’d hate you to be in that position.

It is so painful to recognise that you cannot care for someone you love but nobody can provide expert 24 hour care however much they want to. I agree that you must resist the bullying of the social workers who are not concerned with your well being, only with getting someone off their books. The system is awful.