Removing husband from care home ?

What an awful position to be in ….I have no advice, but hope you can all work something out.

Does he have a social worker you could talk your concerns through with, and discuss what living arrangements you would prefer for him?

If you are his next of kin, which I assume you are, I am sure that you could bring him home if you had a care package in place. It wouldn't be easy but it sounds like the home isn't doing what you have asked. Good luck.

My MiL has vascular dementia and we finally had to pop her into residential care and it broke my husband’s heart.

He visits 3 to 4 times a week and has done for 18 months and every time she asks him to take her home.

My advice is to speak with social services, to see what your current “rights” are removing him. A different home might be the answer, rather than taking him home which I think would prove very hard for you to manage both physically and emotionally.

You could also speak directly the home Manager about your concerns.

Please don’t rush into anything, you might find you’re creating more problems than you solve.

Good luck

I don’t think leaving your husband in bed rather than use the hoist is acceptable especially as you have requested this.

Does your husband have a care manager? Have you been in touch with social services elderly care team? It’s been a few years since I was involved in this area but he shoukd have a care plan which is decided ant regular meetings which you can attend, and the hoisting shoukd firm part of that.

Yes you can look into taking him home, you are his next of kin but would suggest you contact social services if he doesn’t have a care manager to get their advice re care at home etc. no one shoukd be left lying in bed all day.

Good luck and think hard about what it will mean having him home, you might want to look at other homes if you are self funding to see if there is better care elsewhere.

I take so long writing that I have crossed posts with others.

It might help if you contacted Alzheimer’s association who have people to talk to and lots of oractival information about managing, I dint have the number but it’s easily found.

silverlining48

It might help if you contacted Alzheimer’s association who have people to talk to and lots of oractival information about managing, I dint have the number but it’s easily found.

Yes, good idea.

My advice is to speak with social services, to see what your current “rights” are removing him. A different home might be the answer, rather than taking him home which I think would prove very hard for you to manage both physically and emotionally.

It seems quite worrying that a next of kin would have to seek advice about moving their spouse from an inadequate care facility without Social Services being involved.
Surely this cannot be right?
He is not 'in care'.

I agree that a different home with better standards of care might be the best way forward, rather than try to manage him at home..

You couldn’t do this without liaising with the care home manager and social services. The upshot may be a deprivation of liberty order, preventing him from being moved as you don’t have power of attorney and he probably lacks capacity to make a rational decision on the matter. Tread carefully.

This sounds dreadful.

It makes him sound as if he's been taken into care with a care order, like a child.

So if you choose a care/nursing home for a spouse, next-of-kin, and realise they are not being adequately cared for, their needs are not being met and their dignity is being compromised, you cannot move them without the say-so of Social Services?

Talk to one of our trained dementia advisers by calling 0333 150 3456

www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/application-process-deputy#content-start

I think that relatives, or the person needing care, sign over their rights when the person is admitted. (I could be wrong, though)

I don't mean to be harsh, but I think working with the home, (and making them do as they should) may be the best way to deal with this.

Your husband could well be as unsettled at home as he is now.

Again it’s been a while but in my time I always recommended people to contact SS for an assessment of needs, even if they wanted to arrange this themselves because if someone is placed independently in a home without that assessment SS were within their rights to not get involved if money ran out or there were any other problems.

Thanks for the Alzheimer’s number Callistemon. I can’t do links….

Not having power of attorney is a big drawback - I don’t know why, after so much publicity, so many still don’t have one. The OP could apply for deputyship but it’s not a quick process and there are costs involved. This situation is I think best and most quickly resolved by a careful approach to the care home manager and social services (who would have to be involved in setting up carers at home). However presumably if she really could manage to care for her husband at home with the assistance of carers he wouldn’t now be in a care home anyway. She needs to be realistic about what she can manage without detriment to her own health - and whether her home can accommodate all the equipment her husband will need.

One of the key questions is whether you can afford to pay the full costs of caring for him at home, and are willing and able to take on the task of organising carers for him yourself? I definitely wouldn’t start a process to remove him unless you can do so. If he is eligible for LA financial support, many people are in care homes because there is unfortunately no alternative available, Local Authorities cannot source home care packages due to carer shortages, and neither can care agencies, particularly in rural areas. I agree with the advice to talk to your husband’s social worker in the first instance.

I absolutely agree MissA - and respect your knowledge of these things.

Thank you, but the financial side isn't my strong point.
It's so complicated!

I just feel that removing someone could end up backfiring.

Oh what a dilemma my mum with Alzheimer’s was in a care home and I wasn’t totally happy with them I went every day and put as much pressure as I could for them to change things and I worry so much now that I didn’t do enough I wish I d moved her but she already had two moves one from a temporary home and one that wouldn’t take her back after a hospital stay (I m not sorry about that I didn’t think she was being looked after well there) I don’t know if I should have found somewhere else and it bothers me even now 12 years on
I just wish you every good luck to make the right decision x

My mum stayed in her own home, and I feel rotten that it was an,unhappy time for her.

She was lonely, and bored
It was her choice though, but still...

Can’t win can we Miss A

For my part, my now late husband had Parkinsons, with vascular dementia and then cancer of the oesophogus ....it became impossible to care for him at home (although we were lucky living in France our Dr arranged for nurses to visit every day and she would call in when she was in our commune and have a look at him ...the care was excellent, but I had to return to the UK to sort out a deceased relatives affairs ....like your husband he would constantly ask me to take him home, All the neighbours and friends who spoke English would visit him whilst I was away ...he would ask them the same question .......and also, when where we we going to move back to the UK .he wanted a 3 bed bungalow in London suburbs !!!! I said we could never afford that...BUT the home's psychologist said to me, ;the best way to keep him content in being cared for here, is to make him think that when he was better (which he was never going to be)....you will both move ...suggested I take in estate agents details of bungalows in the UK ...so I did ....then whilst he still had his faculties, I also took in a drawing pad and pens ...he would spend hours planning our new garden, drawing up designs and which trees and plants would go where ..........he was then fairly content and happy .....but sometimes he didnt know who I was ...saying 'I dont want you here, send the woman who lives in my house'....so I simply said ;I'll see if she is busy' and leave it at that ! the care home, which was also a 'herbegement medicalisee pour personnes 'age) (old folks home with medical facilities) cost me Euro 4,000 a month which was hard to find ...but all medical treatment was covered by our compulsory medical insurance. So, if your husband has a particular idea (like going home, or moving elsewhere) could be a good suggestion to keep him believing he WILL be home as soon as he is 'better' ...a white lie but may give him some comfort

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any knowledge or advice, just I hope you're taking care of yourself too.

Op

You know you cannot take him home. It is not realistic with his medical needs