The fees are exorbitant and I am surprised so many of you ´ accept’ it
We don't have any option but to accept it. The alternative is looking after the relative at home; are you prepared to do that? Many of the parents of my generation had a relative in the back bedroom, usually cared for by the wife or daughter. When my father was in the nursing home, pre-2000' he had to pay higher fees which apparently subsidised those who were unable to pay. The house went and most of his savings, which is why I am sceptical at all the talk of inheritance tax.
Most families' main asset is their house, and once sold the money vanishes into care home fees. Care homes are not the easy money spinners they once were, and are regulated and inspected regularly.
The point was, my father flatly refused to move to where I lived, and worked full time so I could not help him live independently, but by remaining where he was at least I knew he was safe, warm and well cared for in the nursing home.
Prettyface, you seem to have a most unrealistic view of the cost of patient care, and you must come to terms with it and the viewpoint of the nursing staff, for your husband's sake.