Worried about Dad

You don't need to do anything. It sounds as if you have taken care of his basic needs, as a loving daughter should. Do you think you should step in his shoes and live his life to the end learning all the knowledge and lessons that have been given to him? I dont think so.

As he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his home why not bring something or someone to the home to share the care with you Have you family friends or neighbours who could spare half an hour
My Dad was left alone for a few years as mum had Alzheimer’s and had to go into care he had some carers coming in three times a day and went to a day centre a couple of times but when he became unable for that there was a befriending scheme I think it was through Age Uk they had volunteers who would come for an hour or two once a week have a cup of tea (they made it) a chat or a game of cards they also had a telephone friend system … someone rang once or twice a week for ‘a chat’
It was a few years back but worth checking with AgeUJ or other charities if they still have these schemes

Dad died one day before their 70 th wedding anniversary mum died 6 months later broke my heart

You are being such a very loving daughter to your Dad, and I’m sure you are still grieving for your Mum too. I don’t think you can do any more, other than gently encourage him to go out for short periods occasionally and maybe pop into a coffee & cake morning. 💐

He needs time, Going out is worrying for him and potentially embarrassing due to toilet and mobility/pain. It's a big effort, so if possible, take him out on a sunny day to somewhere he likes nearby so it's a short trip, (Father and Daughter time) and something he may enjoy and can look forward to doing again soon, once he knows its possible. Make it as easy as possible for him. Obviously you can't be your Mum but you do have that shared history and something in common to discuss.

Make it a special treat if you can. A trip down memory lane or a coffee and cake stop.

Regarding bereavement, our lost partners are still with us, have a chat with him and remind him that even now, if he asks his late wife a question, he will already know the answer as though she is still there. I do this, it really is comforting. Talk about the days when you were a child, and they took you out etc(roles reversed now). Kind wishes to you both.

After a lifetime with your mother he will be lost and wonder what life is for. I feel the same after almost sixty years and although I do try to see a future I don’t have the energy. You are obviously a loving and kind daughter and can do no more except perhaps encourage him to talk about your mother and remember the good things. Hard for both of you.

You could see if there is a Befriending Scheme in your area. I have been a volunteer in a scheme for 3 years and enjoy my visits to an elderly lady. I go once a week. Perhaps see if AgeUK can recommend something. Your Dad may be reluctant at first but then would likely look forward to the visits. This could give you a break.

You are trying your very best Happyhead, but as my old mum was fond of saying ‘he is ploughing his own furrow’ so just continue to help and support him as best you can.
All the best 🌺🌺🙏🏾

Thank you so much everyone. It’s comforting to know that I’m not missing anything vital, and that you all understand.
☺️X

You are doing all you can Happyhead.
Just keep doing what you are doing, I am sure your father appreciates your care. I wish you both well. 💐

This is difficult for you but the other responses have touched on the truth I think.

I have a friend who is very much the same- doesn't want to go out, won't see a GP, thinks her life is over etc- she isn't even 70!

Just carry on giving him your time-the small things are really the most important in this situation. I wish you both well.

My Dad gradually retreated into himself after my Mum died - sounds very similar to your situation. I tried my best to get him out and about and used everything I could find to make his life easier but he just wasn't interested.

When you've been with someone for 50 or 60 years and you're becoming frail yourself you must feel you've pretty much lost your whole life and reason for being. My Dad was 94 when he passed away and had 10 years without my Mum. Every year on my Mum's birthday and their wedding anniversary he would ask his cleaning lady to buy a card and it would be on the sideboard on the day. Used to break my heart - still does, I'm welling up now.

I think you're doing what matters most - giving him your time and your love. If he doesn't want any more then you just have to accept that his world has got smaller and very different without your Mum.

Just carry on doing what you're doing. I wish you well, I know how difficult it is to see a parent alone and sad.

you are doing all you can, as Elowen says ..he's probably grieving , no matter how much company he has,,,if that one special person isn't there...

Thank you Elowen, I’m sure that’s part of it. I just at a loss now as to what I can do to help.

Maybe he is still grieving. there is not much else you can do at this stage.