I’m normally a see it from all sides kind of person so finding my feelings on this advice very hard.

I think this phrase is meant well, and intended to reassure spouses and others that they are allowed to use professional care services and should not feel that their job is to look after loved ones, come what may.
Perhaps Granniesunite’s friend’s aim was to remind/reassure her that this option is there, rather than advising her that this is what she should do?
Sometimes we do need ‘permission’ to allow others to take on some of the work we think we should do don’t we?
(I am not suggesting this is the case for Granniesunite, who sounds to have things well organised and to be doing wonderfully.)

A close friend lost her husband to dementia over a two year period. She very much feels that it was right for him to stay at home with the support of carers. She put her own life on hold in a sense and is now slowly, gradually, picking up the pieces. She has no regrets..

My friend had those words said to her. She cared for her dh to the end. They had a hospital bed set up downstairs and carers came in but she was there to the end. It’s what a wife would hope to do. In my opinion those words have very little substance.If they mean just give yourself a break them that is what should be said. You will know at the end you have done your very best for him.

Carry on doing what you feel comfortable with and what works for you.
This situation reminds me of what I did when I had my first baby and it seemed like everyone was telling me how I should do things. I used to smile and politely thank them for their good advice then carry on doing it exactly my own way.
People mean to be helpful but we don’t always need their advice. You are a strong resourceful lady - sending you a virtual hug in the hope that it will brighten your day 🤗.

I'm another, Granniesunite who thinks your friend was asking you to give yourself "permission" to do things differently. I think she was perhaps trotting out this message of finding another way through in case you ever needed to.

I am happy that you are doing OK at the moment and do hope this continues for you and your dear husband.

grumppa

However common the quote attributed to Marie Curie may be, it strikes me as pretty meaningless. As a husband, I was many things over the years (as my wife was to me), and indeed became her carer until the very good local palliative care team decided that the correct thing for DW was a nursing home, and finally the hospice unit in the local hospital. But ceasing to be her carer did not make me more of a husband; nearly fifty-two years of marriage meant that we had cared for each other.

Precisely this. A situation I too went through, and my sentiments exactly.

It absolutely depends on the person doing the role of carer, how strong that person is, I don’t just mean how physically strong, but mentally!
It absolutely takes you to the edge. I’ve seen my mum on her knees in tears.
You have to do what you think is best not only for the person you are caring for, but for your own strength & sanity.
You may have carers & nurses in & out, but once they leave, you are on your own. I know as much as I love my husband, if god forbid, he had a stroke, dementia, or whatever, I just don’t think I would have the physical or mental strength to care for him. My only hope is I never have to face that.

You keep on doing what you are doing. I'm so sorry friends and family upset you with unwanted hurful advice. Your husband is very quiet and calm. Your GP and nurses are happy with the care you are giving him. He is at home in a place that he knows with the wife he loves. He is so lucky tohave you as his wife. You are doing great. There are some very poignant and lovely responses to this thread. I do hope you will feel better now. All the very best to you.

My mother looked after her mother and mil. Paternal grandma had long years severe dementia. Throwing knives, verbal abuse. My semi disabled father loved his mother and treated her like a child. Laughed sometimes, when she told him that there is this strange woman coming to her room and giving her food, why not your wife gives me food. That's my wife, mum.