Mum 86 still driving

janipans I'm with you on the older drivers not being the cause of most accidents. Whenever there is an incident involving an older person, the media seems to go on and on
yet when it's a young driver all that's reported is the immediate news and that's it.

Madgran I just went online looked at reviews of driving instructors and contacted 3 local ones. The one I chose came to my house, checked I had car insurance and I had to read car plate parked along the road before we set off. When we got back and he gave me report (verbal) I was pleased but exhausted!

I think, by posting here, you know what you should do. I think l would be even more concerned about the lack of physical strength than the memory problems. Apart from anything else, this will affect her reactions. Sadly, she is an accident and statistic waiting to happen and it is a question of when not if it does. She is a danger to herself and everyone else when she is behind the wheel. Please report her to the DVLA, anonymously if possible

As an 87 yr old who has given up driving I think you do have a duty to inform DVLA of Mums problems.
It's not just Mum is it (, if she has an accident it's other road users who will be at risk.
My husband had no choice in the matter at age 82, been a lorry driver all his working life, was stubborn insisting while he had confidence he would keep driving.
One day we had a nasty accident when he insisted he could overtake a lorry..the huge lorry wheel was crumbling my passenger door as I'm screaming at him to STOP..his license was removed from him by the police.
As I was also a driver we were able to continue getting out and about independently.
I was 5 years younger, and vowed the minute I lost my confidence I would stop..and I did.
After lock down not using the car a few weeks, a short trip to local shop..I realised straight away it was time to give up. I was 83
Yes I miss it, I don't get out as much but I'm safer this way.. and more importantly so are other road users.
It is a big change of life style but so be it there are other modes of travel.

I used to handle/settle motor injury insurance claims.
In my experience, most of the injuries caused in motor accidents were not caused by older drivers - they tend to have scrapes in car parks and minor accidents (there is always the exception of course!!) They also tend to drive older, slower cars and not go far out of their own locality which they know well, so unless there is a medical reason - physical or mental, many older people should be able to continue to drive as safely as the next person imo.
I do think however, that doctors should "grow some" and if they think a person should not drive they should say so, not make airy fairy statements, that leave the matter open. It just makes it more difficult for children and relatives to have "that conversation" later!

I will be 80 next year and I'm hoping to have another year or two driving. At the moment I don't seem to have any physical problems to stop me, and I have regular eye tests. It will probably be a difficult decision to make, but I'm sure my children will have a say.

I chickened out of saying it myself to my Mum and asked the GP to tell her, which he did. She gave up reluctantly but I was still working and there was nobody to drive her during the day. She became very depressed and stopped eating so I looked into ways to combat this.
I don't regret it, as she had pranged a few parked cars down the main road. But I didnt realise how dependent she had become on the car. She never got into using buses and wouldn't dream of calling a taxi so it felt like the end to her. Also she used the car extensively for voluntary work and giving lifts.
So I think you have to grasp the nettle as the doctor was evasive, but yes it involves making sure she can still have purpose and activity.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I have said before (and suffered a social media pile on!) but I don't think ANYONE over the age of eighty should be driving. I would be very happy if we had a mandatory upper limit because then it would take the pressure off concerned family, and it would also force older people to think ahead about their living arrangements and not assume they can continue live in the back end of nowhere.

I am aware that there are probably a few people over that age who are safe drivers; I am also aware that the number is far smaller than the number of eighty year olds who think they are safe drivers, but aren't.

I shall happily give up my licence in ten years time - or earlier, if my family tell me.

My dear Dad, who was the safest driver I knew, never had an accident gave up driving when his COPD/Emphysema became too uncomfortable for him to sit in the car and drive safely, he was 72.
Please don’t listen to anyone else, use your own advice and stop your mum from driving. It would be unbearable for you and her should she have an accident and injure or kill someone or herself.

kittylester

You can report to the DVLA anonymously.

Contact them, give full details, you need to give any references first the GP who has advised her not to drive. The GP will have to respond to the DVLA.

If the GP's records have a "maybe not sure" then it is up to the DVLA how to proceed, off your shoulders.

but anyone else official who has done an assessment or treated her:

but ask DVLA not to reveal to her who it is reporting her.

They will understand its really sad but you will not be the first to have to contact them in this way^.

It's difficult. My father became a danger on the road and my stepmother had to hide his keys. She was right to do so. When people lose mental capability and become a danger to others then it's time to step in.

I had a neighbour who had her licence revoked after being reported to the DVLA. She was devastated at the time but after about a month she found she loved getting mini cabs everywhere and it was less expensive than running a car.

That's another point of note - ie the way the Highway Code changes at intervals. I'd kept my one from the 1980s (ie when I first learnt to drive) and had to buy a replacement one when I tried to re-learn (ie in the 2020's).

A lot of people don't abide by it anyway - as one of the things I read was that people who drive into the drive of their house to park should reverse in and not drive in forwards on. That made a lot of sense to me - as a man near me was reversing back out of his drive the other day and I was the "pedestrian on pedestrian only pavement" and I don't know whether he had seen me in advance and counted me out for being a woman or no - but I had to shout and clap hands loudly and repeatedly at him not to drive into me and he made out I was in the wrong ("Oh whoops - woman not making way for a man...oh dear..naughty me for being a person, rather than a woman")!

Cue for me subsequently walking along the road concerned and counting the wrongdoers - and it was about a third of people that were parked the wrong way round (ie they'd driven forward into their drives).

A recent change to the Highway Code as well is "pedestrians have right of way when a car is driving from a side road into a main road - but a pedestrian is crossing that road".

I took myself off for a driving assessment with Rospa. It was free at that time but I think they charge now, details are on Google.
There were a few things she pointed out to me such as I tend to get too close to the car in front when queuing, but she gave me some useful tips and persuaded me to buy an up to date highway code (and read it).
Its not a test, they can't bann you from driving, its just an assessment.
I'll have another in another couple of years.

4allweknow

I undertook a driving assessment 5 months ago. With the constant barage of criticism of older drivers in the media I wanted to know if I was a risk to not just myself but others too.
Contacted 3 driving schools and asked if they would do such a thing.Two said yes. My assessment was one and a half hours. Drove into
other counties on motorways, dual carriageways, into and about towns I hadn't visited for decades. Was asked the meaning of some road signs, taken to an industrial site and had to parallel and reverse park. I passed with one advisory ie approach roundabouts a bit slower rather than driving right up to and two very well dones -my overtaking and forward viewing. Worth every penny.

Can you tell me who you used or were they just local driving schools? Thanks

Of course I can reverse. Get a grip. I just don’t reverse park. We actually live at the bottom of a steep windy drive and I reverse up there every day. I also reverse down my daughter’s drive which is a half km long and very narrow. But I don’t like reverse parking.

Yep...I agree with you Monica - ie that reverse parking and parallel parking are part of being able to drive. One can still regard it as "being able to drive" if driving an automatic car, rather than a manual one BUT that parking is all part of being able to drive.

Here in Wales it was a case of I had passed my driving test years back - but then never driven (long story!) - and so I took driving lessons all over again and I knew there was no way I'd have remotely managed if I couldnt reverse (ie because there's so many narrow windy lanes round here and reversing is often necessary).

Unfortunately - even though I swopped from a manual car (as I'd passed my driving test with that way back when) to an automatic car = I still found it impossible to re-learn to drive in the event (very very galling when the public transport is as appalling as it is in this area). I doubt I'd have done any better even if I hadnt had problems because of it being Lockdown when I started re-learning (hence I became very familiar with all the little windy lanes - as the instructor was scared we'd be seen just driving as per normal - as neither of us wore masks etc).

and has difficulty lifting her feet
How fast could she hit the brake if a child run out, answer, not fast enough 😥
Make that call today.

I am not sure that being unable to reverse park or parallel park can be called driving OK. These skills are not justused in parking but can be needed when driving in difficult situations and when other people drive badly..

It took me 5 attampts to pass my driving test, I failed on a different manouvre every time, but once I passed I have quite determindly driven every size of car in all kinds of conditions and still do. I have never let motorways or city driving intimidate me.

I have had bad eyesite since the age of 11, so have had regular eye tests all my life and I know my eyesight is upto standard.

I had 2 cognitive tests a couple of years ago and aced them, and no one has commented on any signs of cognitive fall back, and boy, would DD let me know if there was.

I would describe myself as a fair to middling driver, but no more.

I drive ok but I never reverse park- haven’t since I passed my test in the 1970s. I don’t parallel park, either. I look for a slot. It hasn’t been a problem for me but it is probably easier here than it would be over there. I also have always driven an automatic which are 90% of the cars here these days. Couldn’t drive a manual.

Yep...with you on that one M0nica - as to the eyesight and cognitive tests. That wouldnt be "age discrimination" I reckon to do them as a compulsory thing at reasonable intervals from a certain age onwards. Nope - just a legal requirement that, say, every 2 years from say 70 onwards would be a good protection for all. People should be having the eye test part anyway - as the NHS will cover the cost of an every 2 year one for every pensioner I believe for free (the "I believe" being that I'm not that au fait with the timing - as I have always had a free one on a yearly basis personally anyway due to own personal circumstances).

ViceVersa

We had to persuade my late FiL to stop driving in his late 80s, although I do think he was coming to the conclusion himself that the time had come to stop. It's not an easy conversation to have, but often a very necessary one.
I will never forget covering a court case in which a man in his 80s had pulled out of a side road onto a very busy main road and struck a motorbike, killing the rider. The sheriff hearing the case ordered the man to take an eye test, although the man insisted he was fine to drive - and it turned out that his eyesight was so bad that he could be legally registered as blind.

This is why I think eye tests and cognitive tests should be compulsory.

What caused the death in this accident was not the driver's age, but his eyesight

Son drives a pickup and he is cautious. He had slowed up to turn into our drive. Indicated well in advance as he always does He was stationary when he was driven into by a lady in her mid eighties. Fortunately he had witness who agreed that he indicated well in advance. Fortunately the driver was ok but she was trapped in her car for quite a long time

We had to stop my father when he was in his mid-eighties. He had taken to driving down the middle of the road. It was incredibly difficult, because he had been driving (safely) since the 1930s, before the driving test existed. He did learn to use public transport and taxis, but it was a whole new way of life for him.

I have never driven, so it’s easy for me.