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FRIEND OF MINE RECENTLY BEEN TURNED INTO A CARER

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CariadAgain Mon 23-Feb-26 16:49:38

He tells me he's already checked out homes and found what they cost - ie the lowest he heard of was £900 a week in this area - and by the sound of it they are far from being able to afford that.

Nope - he isn't exactly keen (British understatement) on being turned into a carer. I don't have to ask that - as I can see how tired he is looking and I've known him long enough to know his skin "erupts" when he's stressed - yep....for sure it is.

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AGAA4 Mon 23-Feb-26 16:45:50

I feel very sorry for your friend being in this position. If he needs to work then he can't care for his parents.
Unless he really wants to do the caring and it doesn't sound as if he does then his parents will have to take whatever care is available or go into a home.

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CariadAgain Mon 23-Feb-26 16:41:27

There is a sister. He's modern enough that he doesn't automatically assume it's her just because she's a woman.

The sister lives rather further away though and is still working age too (in a job currently).

So - does that mean he could claim carers allowance (which he is already doing) and she could claim carers allowance too? She's sort of back-up relief as I understand it - but I wouldnt go so far as to say she is a carer full-time (which is what he has been turned into - every day/every night pretty much). She's still pretty much having her life - whilst his life is totally on hold until this situation is resolved one way or another.

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Sleepyhead52 Mon 23-Feb-26 16:35:28

I wonder if he is their only 'child' or if he has siblings who could share the responsibilities. It sounds as if they are resisting having help and he, understandably, doesn't want them ti go into care. Social Services will, of course, allow/encourage any family or friends to carry on for as long as they can. The only thing that occurs is that they could each claim carer's allowance for the other, doubling the income, if they aren't doing that already. Sorry not to have more to offer.

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CariadAgain Mon 23-Feb-26 16:10:44

That's pretty much the gist of it - ie he's been turned into one a few months back, rather than choosing to become one. He is not a happy bunny.

He's just been round again for "tea and sympathy" about it.

Any start-up carer thoughts for him? He's already studied carehomes and been horrified by the cost of them.

It's both his parents that need a carer. Mother is the one with the worst health. Latest issue was Social Services were pushing at him to do it - cue for me telling him the message I'd been told about "They do do that pushing etc" that I'd had delivered to me many years back just-in-case by someone who used to work for them.

So he managed to start Social Services up talking about a carer coming in to feed his mother breakfast/get her ready for the day to start with and came up against mothers timetable and the carers timetable having a mismatch at the start. He then pointed out his father also needed a carer and requested if they could include at least feeding his father breakfast whilst they were there dealing with his mother - they refused. Both parents sound rather stubborn at that.

Right now - he feels rather like he's run up against a dead-end wall "blocking the road". Carers are needed - he's still working age group (in his 50's) and needs to get back to work - as he applied for/got carers allowance...but it's not enough to live on (even though his own house is clear of mortgage).

Any suitable carers forums/thoughts for him - as he needs to get his own life and his normal income back again and is getting really rundown (courtesy of the fact he's temporarily living in their home with them and mother disturbs his sleep regularly a couple of times with this and he's feeling shattered).

He can't keep doing this financially. He can't keep doing this physically. Right at the moment though and Social Services do seem to be expecting that he will - even though he's fighting back and trying to get their help for them and get his life back.

1. Any thoughts?
2. Any carers forums or something where he can swop notes with others in this position? He is not a happy bunny at being in this position at all - but, on the other hand, does want his parents cared for by someone.

I've already learnt some time back that the Welsh are much more family-oriented than I'm used to people being until I moved here - and hence can see he wants them being looked after properly - but it's taking a toll on him personally. He needs to go back to work and to resume adding to a work pension.

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