FRIEND OF MINE RECENTLY BEEN TURNED INTO A CARER

Primrose53

My widowed brother in law visited us yesterday. He was a carer for my sister in law for several years. He was sympathising with me as I now care for my husband. We were saying how unfair it is that once you get State Pension you cannot get Carers Allowance. You get absolutely nothing!

We both worked and paid our dues so were entitled to State Pension but then having to care for your partner full time with no financial support at all is unfair. We paid for our pensions!

He said he was up and down stairs maybe 20 times a day, had to get her to all GP and hospital appointments, deal with showering, toileting, dressing, cooking, cleaning etc just as I do.

A Dr said to me just last week “don’t struggle on alone. Let us see what we can do.” I asked what exactly he meant and he just shrugged. I have already had a lengthy carers assessment which came to nothing and the only thing I got from that was a lanyard with “I am a Carer” emblazoned on it. No way I am ever wearing that!

What no attendance allowance primrose?

Your friend sounds exhausted, and sadly many of us found ourselves becoming carers rather than choosing it. He needs to remember that he is allowed to have limits and that Social Services cannot simply expect him to sacrifice his health, finances and future. Hopefully he can connect with other carers who understand, because sharing experiences and advice can make a huge difference. Wishing him strength and hoping he gets the support he and his parents need.

An item on the radio alerted me to the fact that this is Carers Week.

Does the government know?

OP is from February and no longer posting Karthik so may not see your post.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

icanhandthemback

Sorry, I meant to correct that, Win. You are right, the son gets the Carer's Allowance at the moment and they could apply for Attendance Allowance to pay for additional help.

But carers allowance is dependent on the person needing care already being in receipt of attendance allowance.

ExDancer

And yes, I got it. I'd just got 'carers' and 'attendance' mixed up, no big deal.

Then could you explain why you said this: * they could also spend it on riotous living, no-one checks. To my mind its a stupid allowance.*

AA/PIP/child DLA are not ‘stupid’ allowances. They are a contribution towards the cost of living with a disability. Of course there are checks - the main one being the initial assessment. Disability benefits are some of the hardest to secure, requiring robust evidence to back up everything you say on the application. And for most claimants there are relatively short award periods, after which the claimant is reviewed. Only in cases where the condition is severe and unlikely to change for the better, are there no requirements to attend a reassessment. Even then periodic checks are undertaken with HCP’s involved with the claimant, to check that nothing has changed.

And getting carers and attendance mixed up is a big deal, given that many people come to these threads looking for advice on benefits. If you’re going to post, you owe it to people to make sure your advice/information is accurate.

ExDancer

Carers Allowance is badly named. Its given to the 'ill' person not the person who is doing the actual 'caring'.
So both his parents should request it and it'll be paid into their bank accounts, not his. The idea is that it's paid to the person needing the care to enable them to afford to pay someone to look after them. They can spend it on , say, a gardener, someone to put grab rails in the shower, a nurse, or someone to get them up and dressed in a morning, they could also spend it on riotous living, no-one checks. To my mind its a stupid allowance.
In my experience Social Services aren't much help, they are more enthusiastic about bullying the family to take all responsibility.
I found AgeUK the most helpful, especially with filling in complicated forms so please try to get him to go to them - and perhaps go with him so they are sure to get the full story?

Sorry but this is completely incorrect. Carers allowance is paid directly to the person doing the caring, not the person who is being cared for. The person cared for has to be in receipt of daily living element of PIP/child DLA or attendance allowance, and the carers allowance is paid to the carer either weekly or four weekly. It’s means tested according to the earnings threshold after tax, NI and other allowed expenses and subject to 35 hours per week minimum hours spent caring. This man will only be able to claim carers allowance for one of his parents - one person, one claim. Someone else would have to be the carer/claim CA for the second parent.

egjotrfe original post is February and the poster hasn’t been on for some time.

First and foremost, he should remember this: he is not obligated to sacrifice his own health, his job, and his future retirement simply because social services imply that “the family has to manage on its own.” A caregiver can refuse to take on this role if it has become too much to handle.
From what you describe, the problem has already gone beyond what one person can handle in the long term. If, because of caregiving, he isn’t sleeping, isn’t working, and can’t support himself financially, this is not a sustainable situation.
I would advise insisting on a full assessment of both parents’ needs, not just the mother’s. If the father also needs help, it’s surprising that they’re trying to treat this separately. It’s also worth asking about respite care, day centers, and the possibility of increasing the home care package.
As for support it would be very helpful for him to talk to other people in the same situation. Often, it is on caregiver forums that you can get practical advice on social services, funding, and how to advocate for your rights.
Most importantly: if he is already physically, emotionally, and financially exhausted after a few months, it does not mean he is weak. It means that the system is currently relying on one person more than it should.

Of course that’s a very good point Whiff but for very incapacitated individuals with no mobility, a keysafe is the only way of staying at home, unless live in care is provided.

ronib when I first moved here there was a key safe on my bungalow wall. I was having a new from door and windows fitted. The fitter asked me if I used the key safe said no and never would. He said he refuses to fit them even the ones that are supposed to be tamper proof and he showed me why . He put a thin bladed screw driver between the safe and wall flicked his wrist and it came off the wall and opened.

Those who do need to have one put in a place that isn't easy to see and once fitted go round the edges with waterproof superglue several layers. And hope that will stop it being tampered with .

I suggest having a key safe installed by Social Services. The code is then made available to the gp, carers etc. It takes some pressure off as a family member doesn’t have to be present each time a blood test or physio visit happens. Although it is a good idea to write the day and time down to remind your relative/friend that this is scheduled.

Thanks Primrose.
I think you would deserve an attendance allowance but aren’t getting one.

Querty

Primrose Yes it should and I question a lot of payments successive governments make.
I already do spend a lot of time with her and my DH’s and my retirement has been hugely compromised. However she isn’t costing us money.
If we got an allowance it really wouldn’t make much difference. apart from the bank balance looking healthier !
It’s not the money it’s the responsibility in our case and we took it on expecting it to be difficult. It was a choice we made.
I don’t think you and many others had a choice.

You’re right Querty. I also looked after my Mum for 14 years after my Dad died. I gave up my job to help her and did it willingly because I loved her and because I knew she would have done the same for me if I was ill.

I hope your Mum carries on as she is now and never needs more care than she does now and ends her days peacefully at home with you.

Primrose Yes it should and I question a lot of payments successive governments make.
I already do spend a lot of time with her and my DH’s and my retirement has been hugely compromised. However she isn’t costing us money.
If we got an allowance it really wouldn’t make much difference. apart from the bank balance looking healthier !
It’s not the money it’s the responsibility in our case and we took it on expecting it to be difficult. It was a choice we made.
I don’t think you and many others had a choice.

Querty. And they can afford to give away £20 million for the Ebola outbreak which is nothing to do with us! Not a penny ever for unpaid Carers.

Sounds like your Mum is still enjoying her great age, as did my Mum but as you say, the time will come when she needs more help. When you are having to run in and out, maybe do personal care, possibly feed her and sit with her for long periods, including at night then your care and support should be recognised and appreciated by the authorities.

I’m a little conflicted about this.
My DM (97) has moved in with us. She is in very good shape for her years. She has 3 rooms (we used to have a large double garage) and her own bathroom with a walk in bath.
She is neither rich nor poor and she contributes to pay for her heating, lighting and all those other things that cost like house insurance etc.
We provide her main meal and take her all over the place for appointments and social activities but she doesn’t need personal care yet although that may come in the future.
As Primrose has said there is no carers allowance for us because we are too old and have a pension.
She does get the attendance allowance.
We have made a huge commitment to look after her but we aren’t out of pocket although we aren’t making anything either🤣.
She can afford to live, so can we. I’d love to get attendance allowance but there are very undoubtedly many carers, like the OP, who need it more than us and the ££’s need to be there for them. It continues to amaze me that our Governments can continue to pay so much out.

My widowed brother in law visited us yesterday. He was a carer for my sister in law for several years. He was sympathising with me as I now care for my husband. We were saying how unfair it is that once you get State Pension you cannot get Carers Allowance. You get absolutely nothing!

We both worked and paid our dues so were entitled to State Pension but then having to care for your partner full time with no financial support at all is unfair. We paid for our pensions!

He said he was up and down stairs maybe 20 times a day, had to get her to all GP and hospital appointments, deal with showering, toileting, dressing, cooking, cleaning etc just as I do.

A Dr said to me just last week “don’t struggle on alone. Let us see what we can do.” I asked what exactly he meant and he just shrugged. I have already had a lengthy carers assessment which came to nothing and the only thing I got from that was a lanyard with “I am a Carer” emblazoned on it. No way I am ever wearing that!

I was carer to my wife for 5 yrs, - I did what I needed to do, gladly and she would have done it for me . Neither of my parents needed care they had a quick "departure".
My wife's parents had a long care period at home, 2 ladies were paid to share the daytime care helped by daily LA carers, family shared the nights.
It worked very well and cost a lot less than a care home

Please note once you reach state pension age carers allowance is taken off you. My brother is carer for my sister in law and her dad who lives with them. He was only allowed to get cares allowance for his wife. She doesn't reach state pension for 3 years but does get enhanced PIP for living and mobility. She has MS. My brother got his state pension last year.

Her dad applied for attendance allowance via CA and was turned down he is 93 has COPD and heart condition.
My brother has to wash and dress him.
Does all housework and cooking .

I looked after my husband and only got carers allowance and my husband had DLA in 2003 when he was terminal given 4 months to 2 years to live only reason we got them because our McMillian nurse filled in the forms. My husband died aged 47 in 2004 less than 4 months after being terminal.

Dad was refused attention allowance he died aged 80 2007. Don't know what my mother in law had but I didn't get carers allowance for her she died aged 91 in 2015.

Mom lived with me last 18 months of her life she had cancer and dementia. I was given carers allowance for 6 months because I was told she would get better. When I pointed out she has grade 3 breast cancer and dementia and there was no getting better the phone was put down on me . My mom died 4 months before her body did when the violence took over . Mom got attendance allowance once she lived with me . She died aged 90 in 2017.

Benefits are not easy to get and you have to fight. I was born disabled it took me 35 years fighting . I get PIP and only because the Brain charity got me a solicitor pro bono and took from I applied for PIP March 2022 when I was given zero on everything to August 2023 to get to PIP tribunal . The judge awarded me enhanced PIP for living and mobility indefinitely. The decision came on crown court paper so the robots at PIP can't ever take it off me .

I choose to look after them all myself. But it cost me health wise.

It is even harder to get disabled and cares benefits now . If you need to go into a home and own your own property you will have to sell it. I know where I used to live in 2005 a friend put her mom in a home it cost £1,000 a week then. So £900 is cheap. Where I live now homes are £1,500-£3,000 a week.

I know is is off what the OP started but this is my experience .

Note to OP writing things in capitals online is shouting . I assume you did it to get noticed.

And yes, I got it. I'd just got 'carers' and 'attendance' mixed up, no big deal.

My reply was to exdancer

Sorry this is incorrect…I am a carer and I claim carer’s allowance. My mum who I care for claims attendance allowance.

CariadAgain

I've actually known the entire family for 25 years plus .
Could be as long as 30 .

The son is a very nice guy and he did his best for his mother.
The sister,in question is a very nasty person.
She is incredibly rude to me .
For years if I spoke to her she would just blank me .
Now I've stopped trying.
She didn't volunteer to wash her mother neither did she offer to pay for someone to come in .
Her brother isn't invited to her family events .

It's essential to have a suitable bathroom installed . It makes life easier.