Is this the place to raise the subject of adoption?

As I said on another thread my daughter found me when she was in her mid thirties having been looking for some time with the encouragement of her adopted mother (she didnt look in the right places and found me on Friends Reunited I had been registered with the appropriate agency for soime time but thats my girl). She adored her adopted parents now sadly both dead and we agreed that they would always be Mummy and Daddy and I am Mumma Sue. Recently she has started introducing me as her Mum. Names seem to be significant for her.

My first job, from age 16, was at a County Court, where the final signing of the adoption papers was done in the Registrar's chambers. We used to love that particular day, with the adopting parents turning up with the baby in all its finery. The parents looked so happy, and the whole thing seemed so lovely and positive. None of us, I'm ashamed to say, gave much thought to the relinquishing mother, because back then in the early 60s we knew the poor lass would have had very little choice.

Now that those girls are at the grandmother age, many of them feel free, at last, to discuss their grief at giving up their new born babies. I suppose a lot of focus is on them right now, because times have changed and forcing a girl to give up her baby is unthinkable these days. I can see both sides of the coin, and still see those happy adopting parents, who were often going to give their new babies a much better life than the young lass could have.

When you think about it logically, everyone stood to benefit from adoption: the young lass got her freedom, the baby got the chance of a very good life, and the parents got the babies they never thought they could have.

But logic doesn't always prevail when it comes to human feelings and the love of a mother for her baby. You would need the wisdom of Solomon to sort this one out.

I think it's a huge privilege to be able to adopt and my own family is just fine (although there are issues and lively discussions) but it's the perception of others who have no experience that sometimes hurts. Is there a more hurtful and dismissive comment than referring to the REAL mother? Or assuming that once the birth mum has been successfuly contacted, then the adoptive parents become less relevant? Whatever I may say in discussion I would NEVER question or criticise the motives of the birth mums and have tried to convey to my daughters my sense of respect and gratitude to those brave girls.

Yes indeed em you are special

How lucky your adopted children and your GC are to have you, em.