Being a new widow

thank you elegran for getting the information for me about to e-mail them

Sorry, I should have made that link active, blackbird

Here is what it says about the booklet on the Northumberland web site:-

" Northumberland Golden Guide for older people www.isoshousing.co.uk/Isos%20Housing%20Limited/GoldenGuide5theditionsecured%20(2).pdf (Opens in a new window). The free booklet was produced in partnership with Age UK Northumberland, Northumberland County Council, Northumberland Care Trust and Milecastle Housing. It has tips, advice and information on money, health and care, leisure and transport, together with useful local contacts. For your free copy of the guide, please contact John Temple, Resident Involvement Officer, on 0300 300 1505 or [email protected] "

So you should be able to either read it on your computer by clicking on the blue link, phone for it, or email for it. It may also be in your public library.

blackbird Don't settle for loneliness, make a diference now before the winter sets in and it is harder to get out and about. You are not just a widow, you are an individual with a life and personality of your own.

I have found a list of things on in your area
www.isoshousing.co.uk/.../GoldenGuide5theditionsecured%20(2).pdf

Choose two things and go and join. Do them for a few weeks, even if they do not seem perfect at first. Give them a chance. After a while you may well find that one of them (or the people you meet there) is more interesting than you thought, and you can concentrate on that. Of course you may find both of them are worth doing once you have made the effort to go to them!

What you must NOT do is to sit on your own every day thinking of how sad you are. While you will get sympathy and support from many people on Gransnet, they cannot remake your life for you, neither can your family. You are the only one who can do that, a little at a time. Every victory will make you stronger and more able to tackle the next step, but you will not start to win until you make that first move.

I was kindly given websites of groups in Alnwick Nothumberland where I live but after repeated e-mails I have had no answer it seems this area has no widows groups so its back to a lonely quiet house

N is mostly still on a shelf in the bedroom, near his photograph, where I can say goodnight to him.

But memories of him are stil in every room in the house. I talk to him all the time.

I still 'chat' to Pete. I talk to the empty chair next to me! I thought I was the only one! I'm glad to hear I'm not!

Elegran
I still have some ashes left at home and can't bring myself to scatter those last reminders; it seems a bit surreal having him on the proverbial mantlepiece. It'sa comfort thing, so as long as it does the trick, he's staying! Each time I go into the dining room where I sometimes work on the big old table, I chat to 'him' and ask advice and when no answer comes I say ' ok you silly old......., don't answer me then!' So, for the time being, he's staying on the floor next to the old pine church pew. As you say Elegran it's lovely to be able to go to the scattering places which were familiar to both of us - the burn, the beach, the rose bush etc....

I have done three mini-scatterings so far, with about nine to go, revisiting places nearby where we have walked together. As it is not far away I can choose a good day, and go off on the spur of the moment.

Don't tell the parky, but I surreptitiously sprinkled some at the base of some beautiful yellow roses in Princes St Gardens, which reminded me of my wedding bouquet. I reckon the roses will be grateful.

With most men it's the only time you can really get them organised was my experience (I'm also a widow) and even then the day we were scattering my DHs ashes at sea from our yacht as demanded, the weather was foul!

nightowl Not at all! You may have a point - he was always very laid back and I always said he'd be late for his own funeral - he wasn't - I made sure of that!

Thanks when I just had a horrible thought that my post had been really insensitive! I didn't mean it to be, Gally x

You've got a point there Nightowl

Maybe your husband wasn't quite ready to be scattered Gally, knowing that the new baby was on its way. This way he has been very much there for the event. I do hope you will have time to scatter the ashes as you planned

Gally

Gally I know it's not quite the same, but mostly I joke about my dad, and then occasionally tears just overwhelm me. I have lots of little notes he wrote when he was going downhill, and finding one that says "Thanks for everything, love you Chris", is so bitter sweet.

Glad you've got a new baby to cuddle

Good morning Gally . We have a similar situation in my family, trying to find that special day for scattering my nephew's ashes and plant a tree in his favourite spot by a lake. The time will present itself, we know. Meanwhile, a few tears thinking of the months that have gone by.

I hope you're getting some comfort from those lovely baby cuddles

Congratulations Gally. I hope you manage to drag yourself away to come home in time for the meet-up.

Oh gally

Great news about the new baby - boy or girl? Feel for you {{{{hugs}}}}

from me too, gally

gally {{{hug}}}

Biker
Georgie and I never got to Fairlight with the ashes last friday - she had a baby instead, so J is still in my suitcase!! Will wait until she is feeling stronger - hope I don't have to lug him back home again . We make a joke of it as it helps the grieving, but we have had some tears too since I arrived and I am missing him dreadfully especially now there's a new baby and the other gc's ask about him - how he would love to be playing with them. Barney,5, asked me yesterday, a propos of nothing as I was driving him to swimming lessons, 'is Grandad still in the ground?'. I was stumped as of course he isn't. He thinks all people go into the ground after they have died.

Elegran Wise words, as usual.

blackbird For now, don't try to concentrate too long on doing any one thing. It is like convalescing from being very ill, you have to be kind to yourself. Have several things on the go and flit from one to another as you feel like it. You will gradually be able to get more done.

If they are written down in front of you, good and bad, you can see what is urgent and what you feel like doing right now. If you give some time to the urgent things and some to the ones that you are in the mood for, you will get through the important tasks more easily than if you had them all hanging over you menacingly.

Gally I havn't forgot about my trip to Fleetwood to the R.N.L.I I hope to go some time in August.