Being a new widow

A very early good morning, dear Gally I hope you are still asleep, though!

I was given an exerpt from "The Smoke Jumper" - Nicholas Evans following my husbands passing, here is just a part of it for you Gally and all Gransnetters recently bereaved

" What we were, we are
What we had, we have
A conjoined past imperishably present

So when you walk in the woods we once walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow
Or pause where we did upon the hill to gaze across the land
And spotting something reach by habit for my hand
And finding none feel sorrow start to steal upon you

Be still.... Close you eyes......Breathe
Listen for my footfall in your heart
I am not gone but merely walk within you.

Thinking of you xxx

You may feel exhausted and need to sleep, this is a coping mechanism of grief. As others have already said eat sensiblyand don't allow others to take control of your life or make decisions for you.
Talk about your husband and don't be afraid of laughing and crying about the good and bad times.
You will eventually emerge from the dark tunnel - life will go on, perhaps in a different way, but your husband will always remain with you.

So agree grannyactivist ...things suddenly catch me still ...but one's days eventually begin to move on and you begin to create a new life...though loved ones always remain with you...it's just that the shadows get dimmer

Always wise words GA my thoughts are with everyone also.

Hello new widows. It's very early days for all of you and the first year is difficult because you have to endure birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc. for the first time without your partners. I'm glad you're all being supported by family and friends and will have them to help you as you learn to make adjustments.

Just to encourage you; my daughter who was widowed in May 2010 seems now to have settled into a 'new normal' pattern and is determinedly looking to the future. There are sad moments still, but life has moved on and she is beginning to move on too. That day will come for you too........ eventually.

Hi gally swimmer13 and flowerfriend hope you have the lovely sunshine that we have in the East Midlands and that it lifts your spirits.

Gally a late good morning.

Oddly enough Green I too was just thinking how lovely it is in Dundee and wondering if Gally in Fife was also enjoying the sunshine! Hope so - thinking about you Gally.

It's a bonny morning here in Fife, Gally. I hope you can feel a little benefit of the sun on your face just now.

Just a quick message to both Gally and swimmer13 - thinking of you and hope you are coping. xxx

gally - Just been thinking of you today. x

Welcome to you both, swimmer13 and flowerfriend. I was touched by both your posts.

I live in France too, flowerfriend

swimmer13 Are you new to Gransnet as I am too. Your words match up to my feelings. I have found that my late husbands way of doing things in the house and garden makes more sense to me now. Sometimes I would argue that there was a better way of doing such and such. No there isnt. He read french and spanish but should have read maths and was a most practical man. However I have become friendly with people he didnt have a lot of time for. So in some ways his influence is great but I suppose that my developing single life is very much my own.

i have just become a widow and totally concure with all the messages
re time/good moments and sad moments. i for one cannot get rid of p's things yet and get pleasure from still seeing them there although i am not denying his death. after the celebration of his life ( he did not want a funeral ) family have gone but are still keeping in touch. i realise how lucky i am to have their support even if only by phone and email as some live at a distance. p was a huge presence in our lives and will continue to have a great influence in the family's future

Just to say "Hi" Gally. Just do as much or as little as you want. There is no rush. Much love x x

Gally, do take things very gently. Although there are undoubtedly some things that do need to be dealt with fairly quickly, lots can wait until you feel ready. Although easy to say, try not to let anybody rush you into decisions. Also, although they may be well-meaning, try not to allow others to make decisions for you.

It is still so very early on for you and, as you have already found, things will catch you unawares. It is OK to embrace your feelings in whatever way feels best for you. Again, repeating other advice, do, do, do make sure that you look after yourself and eat and rest as much as you can. Grief is exhausting and it is OK to allow yourself to feel exhausted. It is also OK not to put up any kind of 'front'.

As has been said, one step at a time

Good morning, Gally another day on the way! One step at a time. xx

Been entertaining visitors for a few days, just popped back. Wishing you well, Gally, as everyone is. Lots of sensible advice already given so here are some

With so many people thinking of you, you are not alone. Your girls, family, friends and all of us here sending good vibes. Goodnight and sleep well.

Just popped on to say goodnight gally

Hope your day has been allright, gally, and that you sleep well tonight. Lovely to have the new grandchildren to look forward to!

Sending my thoughst to you Gally I keep popping in and out of gransnet and try to catch up..take care.

Hello Gally, haven't been on here for a while but have thought of you and your family often since your sad loss. The fact that you are thinking about coping in the future and asking advice is amazing, and you should be very proud of yourself. Remember Mr G would also be so proud of you. I remember when my father died six weeks before I got married my Mother (understandably) didn't cope very well with life on her own, but when we announced that her first DGC was expected she started to cope better as she had something to look forward to and to think about. I hope that your news will help you, a little, through the times ahead. Will you stay out there for a while while both births happen or come home in between?
As someone else on here said, try to eat sensibly, even though you probably don't want to, as you must not get run down. I know that sounds quite petty and probably the last thing you are thinking about at the moment, but as an ex nurse I know how important it is. Also for the sake of your children you need to stay well.
Lecture over!! Please take care and remember, it may not be much, but we are all genuinely here for you. xxx

Gally. I can only echo what has been said already. Little steps and in your own time, when you are ready. Love and hugs xx