Boasting alert!

Congratulations * greatnan* you must feel very proud.

And from me Greatnan you must be very proud!

Lovely news Greatnan

How fantastic Greatnan - you are justifiably proud of her

Good for her!

That's so good, Greatnan! Well done to them all.

What a great achievement for your GD - it's wonderful to know she is so well thought of. She must take after her enterprising mum and nan.

Thank you all - her mum is certainly hard working - she got her OU degree in Health Studies when all six children were still at home and she was working full time. She was a bit worried when they moved to NZ that she would miss her professional career, but the whole point of going was to give them a better lifestyle, where she would be at home for the children and for her lovely husband when he was not working (he is a captain on the Interisland ferries and works one week on and one week off). Of course, with a two acre garden, livestock and voluntary work, she is as busy as ever.
My SIL is very helpful and when she was working and he was at home he would have a lovely meal waiting for her, and the house woud be immaculate.
He is also very tall, very handsome, very intelligent - no more than she deserves, of course!
She wanted to give the children a strong work ethic and it has certainly worked.
Seeing what a total mess I seem to have made of my relationship with her sister, her happiness is a great comfort to me.

Greatnan, you didn't make a mess of the relationship with your other daughter. Circumstances took over that you could have done nothing to avert. You did your absolute utmost. I don't suppose anything that anyone can say will make you feel better, but try to reassure yourself that you did all you could, and still kept trying. .

Greatnan, your last sentence saddens me. How can you possibly still blame yourself for making 'a mess' of your relationship with your other daughter? We do sometimes just have to accept that there are things that are beyond out control or responsibility - and just go forward, as you do most of the time.

Greatnan your daughter has chosen to reject all your offers of love and support for the moment - please don't beat yourself up by taking responsibility for her behaviour - you have explained where she is in her thinking after the trials you have all been through, and she now has a choice as to whether she can move on, too. You have talked about forgiveness and being ready for her when she comes back to you, and she will have learned that from you, herself. She may have that capacity to reach out and forget the past, too - she just hasn't got to the stage of exercising it yet. Take care xx

I have sent a card to my daughter in England, just saying how much I love her, that I am sorry that she did not feel loved all her life and that I regret the mistakes I made in my mothering. I do accept that there were a few years in her mid teens when I was going through a divorce and then when I took them both to live with me in Monaco when I 'took my eye off the ball' of motherhood. She has frequently told me that she felt that I did not care about her and although I have spent 30 years trying to make amends I fear that her subsequent difficulties with her weight and her addictions stem from those early years.
If she does not reply to my card, I will just have to accept that I have lost her, but her eldest daughter still comments on my Facebook page, so the door is not completely shut. I will be seeing her at her cousin's wedding in August - I will just give her a big hug and not mention her mother's letter at all.

Greatnan how nice that your NZ family are doing so well and have such a fulfilling life.

You've done your absolute best for your other daughter and you cannot control her behaviour.
Sometimes you just have to draw a line underneath and move on.

You deserve to relax and enjoy the rest of your life without beating yourself up.

Congratulations from me too for your granddaughter's success! Well done her. You've every right to boast and be proud.

Maybe, just maybe, all the vibes from all the grans on GN who know the story of your other daughter, will one day get through.

greatnan how proud of your New Zealand family you must feel, congratulations. Don't feel responsible for your other daughter's choices- she made them and you have done your very best to forge a relationship with her. We all make mistakes in life, perhaps you did make some, but I have no doubt you have done all you possibly could to make amends. Her rejection of you is her loss.

Congratulations Greatnan's GD when you find a good nurse, reward them and keep them

What wonderful news and what an achievement Greatnan.

Great news Greatnan!

Well done to her.

Fabulous news greatnan what an absolute fantastic achievement. Just keep the doors open for your daughter I found when DD was 18/19 and she cut herself off with 1st partner she dug her heels in further with every commumication that I made,she will in time come around and get in touch again until then just take care of yourself .

I have stopped lying awake all night thinking of what to say to her - I didn't mention her very far-fetched accusations in my card, as she was so obviously delusional again. She has made some pretty bad mistakes in her parenting - always under the influence of drugs - but I wouldn't dream of listing them. I feel that parenting is the only thing she can pride herself on and there is no way I would take that away from her.

What wonderful news Greatgran

Stop letting your daughter in England 'yank' your chain. All the time she is able to do this ...you are giving her a lot of satisfaction ...let it go. When she's had enough of the silence ...then she will, perhaps, re-assess what she has lost. Stay in touch with her children so that they know you are around if and when they wish to contact you ...meanwhile, wrap yourself in the warmth and achievements of you NZ family

I'd be boasting too, that's brilliant

Yes,I know that is good advice. I can't stay in contact with the three children who still live with her, as they have all blocked me on Facebook. I will be sending a birthday present to the remaining daugher's little girl next month. I will send a card to the others on their birthdays.