Lil's Bar

Bet you've been on "the weed" again, Gramps...does strange things to the 'ead! x

You little tinker gramps I will have to get Lil to put you over her knee ,and slap your legs,poor Lil has been distraught.

Soop dear soul,
you've got it right
These tricky meds
give me a fright!
The "weed" it is,
Of that no doubt.
It sometimes feels I'm inside out!
Just now I'm feelin' rather low,
Me poor ol' brain is goin' slow.
Apologies to Nell 'n Lil,
Have sent some flahers to warm the chill!
If they no longer want to know,
I'll pack me bag, 'n orf I'll go!

What a lovely poem, gramps! I'm sure it'll warm all the ladies' cockles

Hi everyone, only joined today,look forward to chatting to you all soon.

Watch yourself with those 'ladies'!
You'll end up in trouble!

From Lil and me our cockles are warmed gramps ...I can tell that came from the heart of your bottom..
Welcome john take a seat what can we get you to drink
We have ample bosom a speciality of the house,very pleasing on the eye and full bodied..much like Lil herself
Bishops hat lively and uplifting with a life of its own..
And nuns knickers pale and creamy and silky smooth,and slips down a treat.
I'm sure one of the regulars will over to keep you company...enjoy..

Hi John,
Nice of you to join us , only Pete and me seem to stay on here.
Can I buy you a drink?
Pete and me use iou's for payment,with "vanishing ink" for signing it!
The girls , sorry - Ladies, are very friendly and do like to be treated with respect (at times!)
Take it easy with the "Ample Bosom". very soft and warming, but with a hefty kick.if taken lightly!

john Big welcome. Boy, have you much to learn about laydees...

Hi Soop, many thanks for the welcome. I have many years experience of how to treat ladies, its quite simple really. AGREE with everything they say,show interest in what they are saying, do what they say, buy what they say when they drop hints. agree on their choice of holiday destinations (even if you hate it) SEE i said it was simple.

john you sound almost too good to be true. Watch out...Lil lurves men who do as they are told...

I think you may find that the laydees in Lil's establishment are a little harder to please, john! They are certainly not simple....

Welcome aboard!

Ana Do we wish to leave john alone in the bar? Should we sit either side of him and look after his interests?

Hi Gramps whisky and dry would be nice thanks. I will take your advice advice about the ladies. ample bosom sounds nice, but will make sure I dont receive the hefty kick, I HOPE.

soop I think john may need chaperoning for his first visit - especially if he's going to mix his drinks . We wouldn't want him falling victim to a surfeit of Lil's Ample Bosom before he's even had a chance to risk sample the Nun's Knickers....

Littlenellie many thanks for the info, could I have an ample bosom, followed by large nuns knickers please. my round next. CHEERS.

Too late, soop - he's already been nobbled!

Anno Does he realise that he's to put an IOU in the honesty box? Funny thing is, all the IOU's are made out to Lil and there's no mention of cash...just matters known as "favours"...

Think you mean Anagram, soop. Maybe I'll change my name and give you all a guessing game.

Anno I blame the 100% Russian vodka!

soop! You do know Lil makes that herself in the back room, don't you? She mainly uses it for clearing the drains and soaking her teeth in....

Lil says its not vodka it is poteen,a d she makes it from all the old vegetable peelings,she has a still in the corner of the old coal cupboard,and tops it up with cillit bang,it comes in handy for soaking socks and underwear that have a few unmentionable stains,and adds extra flavour,she dosent mind the favours she is saving them up for the word that must be mentioned this early party,and will use them for charades.with regard to the silly season Lil has decided to buy a huge old turkey to keep in the yard and a goose,she has started to fatten them up,and will give them daily tots of poteen to keep them happy,she has called the goose Gerald ,for no particular reason,than she likes the name,the turkey is called paxo,for obvious reasons.

Yes, of course, she haggled for him with that bloke off Newsnight, didn't she? Got him down as far as she could, and then when he was on all fours just made off with the turkey.
I don't know how soop got her hands on that 'vodka', but I think someone had better keep an eye on her in future - can't have her draining the bar's resources like that!

Littlenellie Wish you were joining us tomorrow - 'though I know for sure that we'd all get the heevo as soon as you started to make us laugh. As for the poteen it makes the eyeballs turn bloodshot pink and the hair stand on end...not a good look for any laydee sat sitting at the bar! Look after yourself and tell Lil to treat john with respect [for the first half hour] after which, she'll no doubt teach him a few tricks...

anagram we visited a well known ' just bootiful' farm that is a short way from where Nellie lives after all she is in Norfolk,
soop wish I could join you tomorrow,but Lil needs someone to help muck out the livestock and top up the poteen ,I am sad that it is so far away ,,,but maybe one day,and I never get thrown out of places,just asked not to return hoping you all have a wonderful time am ,it is also my day for changing Lils corn plasters and paying attention to the hard skin that accumulates on her heels through wearing sling backs....