Lil's Bar

Anagram Nellie thinks that's what she employing gramps to do. Seems to me, he's shirking. By gum she'll have something to say when she returns from the cash and carry. gramps...so, bells and whistles. If you should keel over and finish up under Pete's table [with a dog that looks suspiciously like...no, it can't be you-know-who!] then all you have to do is blow your whistle and some poor soul will rescue you...just pray that it ain't Nellie
green...and there was Lil claiming to have standards. Thought that she had her eye on a Michelin star or two.

How the devil dare you call Lil's pub guests "tripe". Oh dear me Greenie, she'll be agrieved ,I bet!

I sense trouble ahead! This bar looks an absolute shambles. Crisps crunched into the sawdust. Customers wandering around with a drink in each hand [well it is on the house] and gramps grovelling under the far table because the dog snatched the beard off his face. It's all so noisy...can't hear what greens yelling from the kitchen - something like, who's is the tripe and onions?

Green, you haven't emptied all the jars of pickled onions into the pig-swill bucket and mixed them up with the tea-towels? Elf'n'Safety won't be pleased - that's it! I'll be Elf'n'Safety Monitor, but quite a lax fair one....we don't want Lil's bar shut down before it's even been properly open!

You haven't let Donald in have you? Hell run off with the food.

Anagram It takes a classy dude [like what you are] to keep standards from going down the proverbial! Anyone seen or heard from our Nellie? She was going on some sort of errand. I note that Pete's been suppin' her celebration drinks. At one time she had half a dozen lined up on the bar. Hic! Oh, maybe I have had a few too many. Should I bed down under the settle alongside that dog...or what? The dog appears to be wearing gramp's false beard.

jeni I knew it...that Donald is wearing gramps false beard. Nellie will be pleased!

No, that's gramps, soop. He came over all peculiar and had to have a lie down (some bouncer he is!). That's the dog's tail draped over his face - the beard is a chewed-up mess, probably in the pig-bucket by now, you know what greens like with her improvised bar-snacks!

Know what - I've had a perficly spiffin party. Mr soop is honkin' on the car horn outside. I've yet to get up from under this table, meander my doddery way to the door and wish you lot a very pleasant good evening. 'Tip toe through the tulips...lah de dah...oops...

Nightie night, m'darlins!

Mind how you go, soop! (Oh dear, too late....)

Thanks Littlenellie, It's been a great gathering and am sure there will be more dropping in later, but I have Pilates soon and am not sure if I can balance on one leg (as required) if I stay much longer. Soop has already bumped into me as she clambered out from under the table!
See you tomorrow?

Not a 'thank you or kiss me ass' for keeping the bar open...just alot of shaking heads and tutting over the stock check..... ONE empty barrel of Bitter...must have leaked....

Pete you might want to go home and change your shirt....it seems to have quite a lot of leakage down the front!!

nellie will be after you if she sees it!

Just popped in for some chips - lovely. Good to see nellie back! Bit too lively here for me, off to sit in the sun.

ella glad it was only the shirt

Glad you liked the chips, Ariadne....had a bit of a problem cleaning the fryer out, but once I'd had a go with the gritty cloths from the pig-swill bucket - I think they were perhaps dish-cloths - the fryer cleaned up not too badly at all. Of course, the added gritty bits will have added to chips' savoury flavour. Might try that again.

I tried not to let it go to waste Pete, but its gorn te me bladder -- MAKE WAY you lot . ooooer, hold on, nearly there. ouch, bloody pooch - now see what ye'v done. Got a bucket Pete,'n mop! Damn dogs! Made a mess on the new sawdust!! No Pete, not THAT cloth. that's the wiper-up -on one!

I think Lil's got more almost new sawdust in the coalhole. I'll 'ave a gander. Ooooer, 'taint arf dark dahn 'ere! I'm not goin'dahn there on me tod - NO way!!

Just found this place, took me ages to read through all your antics! I just hope that Lil keeps a decent port on her bar shelves, and some ice cold, fizzy lemonade to go with it. Don`t fancy Green`s chips right now (sorry Green), but is there a nice pork pie going begging?

gramps I've told you not to mix your drinks.....

So sorry Nellie, meant to welcome you back!! xx

number, you don't want to know what's in Lil's pork pies.....
If I knew, I'd have to close her down!

The first of the meals are ready,who ordered the chicken and bacon wraps with steak chips do you want salad with that,I wish you would make the orders clear I am not a mindreader,who wants the steak pie and mash,do you want gravy ?? The treble beefburgers are still sitting on the counter don't blame me if they are freezing cold,somebody ordered 3 all day breakfasts they are next on the list so stop moaning.Where is that woman who is collecting plates I'm running short,bet Gordon Ramsey doesn't have this problem,I'll be back after I've had my tea break. Pass me that pint over here !!

It's ok gramps - use this one. It doesn't show the muck the same. My old mum always used to buy things that 'wouldn't show the muck', bless her. She was a shining example.....taught me all I know about kitchen hygiene, she did. Always losing her fag-end, though...... number, there were some tasty pork pies at the back of the fridge the other day....here they are - I'll just wipe off some of this green stuff...gramps - where's that cloth? Have you finished with it yet?

Sorry green, can't allow usage of that cloth (Elf'n'Safety, y'know!). It wouldn't matter so much if it had just been used to wipe the floor, but gramps had rather a nasty accident and that cloth was used to mop up the excess....