What the heck do I do?:

oh Mishap what a shame to have a damper put on something that should be so enjoyable. Of course you are not being dreadful to wish you hadn't told him - you deserve to do something for yourself and it would be a complete waste of money and energy to have only half the experience. I think you should stick to your guns - you have offered to include him in the activities which it sounds as though he would enjoy if he wasn't so set on having things his own way. Is there any way you can spend a day or two with him at the end of the course? That way you could assuage your feelings of guilt (not that I think you need to have any) and give him something to look forward to. Good luck

Mishap...your generous offer of a taxi to take your father to the events that he would wish to attend, together with an invitation to share a meal at the local pub, is, I believe, the correct approach. Does he have a cell phone? If so, contact him on a daily basis and keep the offers to share open. I wish you a happy resolution.

mishap, this will sound hard, but it isn't meant to, believe me: he is exerting emotional blackmail. You are perfectly entitled to have a week of your own choosing doing something you enjoy. Arranging taxis for him to come to the concerts and master classes is more than anyone could reasonably expect. He is unreasonable to expect any more and must realise anything more would detract from your enjoyment. Just stick to your plan and don't feel guilty.

Definitely stay 'on campus'. If you don't you will miss out on so much. Surely there will be classes in the evening which would prevent you from staying with your father, or prep for the next day!

I think you really deserve to enjoy this course and if you could just identify perhaps 2 occasions when you could see him that would be enough.Book a taxi decide on a lunch and present it as a fait accompli, he can say yes or no but at least you will have tried.Are you going to Dartington.?

I agree with Bags - this is emotional blackmail. I know its hard but stick to your guns and enjoy your week.

My Mother is also a master of the art of emotional blackmail and it is only now at the age of 63 that I am beginning to be able to ignore it (with lots of help from my older brother who was never on the receiving end and who bluntly tells her she is being selfish!).

Perhaps you could offer to stay with him later in the year (it may help to stop you feeling guilty!).

Enjoy your week

You could perhaps put it as "If I come and stay with you separately/before/after I can give you all my attention and not be tired from all the activity and travelling" but stick to your guns. You have suggested plenty of ways to share the pleasure with him, he is being selfish to want you all to himself for those few days, and to deprive you of your full enjoyment of the course.

Yes - it is Dartington.

As I am going down with a friend, on whom I am reliant for transport, I will have to go back when she does. I could I suppose go back on a train on another day - but then I will just feel guilty about leaving OH for longer - I feel bad enough about that as it is - he has difficult nights and will I know find it hard to be alone to sleep.

The irony is that when I do go and stay with Dad he is truly terrible company - he simply does not do conversation and sits and gazes at the wall until I am tearing my hair out. It is a bit easier for my sister who lives nearer, as she can just pop in for 10 minutes and then escape - when you stay there it is a huge problem - he does not want to go anywhere or do anything, but neither does he talk. Last time my brother went down he took him on a trip to a seaside resort and they saw the sights and bought some nice fresh fish and then went to a seafront cafe for a cup of tea - quote from Dad "It's a bloody long way to come for a cup of tea." - I expect you are getting the picture!

My sister nearby would, I know, help with transport, but she has quite enough on her plate and I do not want to burden her further.

What is it with women and guilt?

This week away was supposed to be a chance to have some fun and do something for myself (with the full support of my children who really want me to do this as they know that as OH gets worse the opportunities will decrease) and I now I just feel bad about it - hey ho!

Mishap.

Mishap I too agree with Bags He is being selfish as the old often are.
You have generously offered to include him and if he chooses not to join you then that is his choice. I don't think you should alter your plans, you deserve the treat.
Do not feel guilty, enjoy yourself.

Sounds as if he is not only using emotional blackmail but is also a bit of a control freak - he doesn't want to do something so nobody else should either! Having been on the receiving end of this myself I do sympathise and can only repeat that you should stick to your guns and have a week for yourself. It sounds as if you are having a hard time at home with your husband's illness so you deserve to have a week doing something just for you.

I feel quite angry on your behalf - he is being totally selfish and I hope you don't give in to this blackmail. If anyone deserves a break, it is you. If your OH can manage without you for a week, why should you let this selfish old man spoil it.

You could also try saying just that to your Dad - that you are having a hard time of it and are going on this weeks course as something for yourself. That you would love to share some of it with him, but if the effort will be too much for him you quite understand and will write/phone him afterwards to tell him all about it. It sounds as though he would probably not be all that grateful to you for arranging for him to join you at a concert anyway "A long way to go to sit on a hard seat for two hours........."

Go with a clear conscience and have a whale of a time.

You sound very much like you need time to yourself to recharge your batteries. You have tried to include him and if he doesn't take up your offer that is his choice. Don't feel guilty, he probably won't even think about you not staying at his house when the week is over anyway.

We are united it seems in our support here. You deserve that week. He is being mean.

mishap you really do deserve this week and bags is spot on with her comments,I feel the thing is that in your dad's eyes you are still that young girl and have the energy to do all the things he expects of you,I hope you enjoy your time away and do not feel guilty in any way just keep the options that you have given him open.

Thank you to you all for your kind support - I think that basically I feel bad about leaving OH and the whole thing with Dad has just tipped me over the brink.

I'm sure your OH is very pleased you're having some time to yourself, Mishap, and will certainly appreciate you coming back refreshed and happy! Don't let worry spoil your week.

Oh dear, mishap, please just go along to your course and enjoy yourself - I agree with everyone else - I am sure this is emotional blackmail by your father. There are several good suggestions upthread - go along with whatever you feel comfortable with. Good luck.

Mishap I agree with everything GNs have said. You deserve this time, so don't let father spoil it. Please go ahead and just for once do what YOU want and need to do! xx

Nothing more to say Mishap except - enjoy!

Exactly, kitty!

mishap this time is for you go and enjoy it, listen to all the comments on hear. You deserve the break dont tear yourself apart over it.

Here even