End of a Long Term Friendship.

Not a long term friendship for me maybe about 3 yrs, and not a close one but nether the less a friendship is a friendship however long ....a few months ago I seem to be going through a "grey stage" (think someone else descibed it as "the Black Dog" ) I recieved email from this friend, but at the time only gave a very short and I suppose dissinterested email back, I did recieve another detailed email saying that I should have explained and she would have been there for me...(but at the time you don't feel like burdening anyone, you just want to go and curl up etc) anyway since then I have sent her a long email and 2 shorter ones,, and I have heard nothing in return, so I will now give up and asume she doesn't want any further contact...I do when logging on and see I have an email/s always hope that maybe she will reply, but I think the time has elapsed now, also i do (although havnt done lately) bump into this person..so we will see, but I think in your heart if you ahve tried and had no responce then!! time to move on..

Greatnan Thank you for that; you have brought a tear to my eye!

I would love to join in the meetings of gransnetters and hope to meet you before you disappear to New Zealand

bikergran it's odd isn't it when people say one thing and then do another?

I have written about friendships and how they last or not.

My view is that people come into our lives for a purpose. The come and fulfil that purpose before going out of our lives. It is sad but it means you have moved on from the place you were at.

I have had friends that this has happened with but I have two friends who have been very close, like sisters, for nearly 40 years. We have gone through situations together, welcomed our children into the world and shared their weddings. We live apart from each other; I live in France, one lives in UK the other Australia but we stay close by e-mail, phone, Skype, text. We are closer than my brother and I!

If the friendship is to end it will no matter what you do or say. Keep the door open but move on.

I think friendships can be cyclical, depending on what stage in life you, your family and each of your situations are. They come into and drift off and then back again and I have probably done the same. However, I have found, since John died, that one particularly good friend in whom I put a lot of faith and hope, backed off after the funeral having helped me and the family a lot until then. I have found this very upsetting not to say bewildering, but can only put it down to her being widowed in her late 30's (she is now happily re-married) and not wanting to repeat through me what she went through then. Others who were not close have been amazing and I have discovered some really wonderful 'new' friends.

Gally, some people seem to find it embarrassing to be around bereaved friends. They just don't know what to say.
Has anyone else experienced what I did after my divorce? Several women seemed to regard me as a threat, and they could have been right, as some of their husbands propositioned me - without the slightest encouragement from me. One friend told me that her husband did not want her to carry on seeing me in case I 'gave her ideas'! He seemed to think divorce was contagious!

It's true Greatnan. I found having a little cancer in my breast had a similar effect on some people!

alie and nightowl makes sense to me as well both my mum,and E are/were
Only children both have/had difficulties with sharing friendships and cut and thrust of relationships

I thought I had a very good friend, we had been friends for a long time, until the day I needed her and she for whatever reason gently but firmly closed the door on our friendship......

Glass - you know the old saying....A friend in need is a pain in the neck!

greatnan yes obviously!!!!

i have been fortunate in having the friendship of three wonderful gals for forty years and one i have known for sixty years. they have come and gone over the years, but have always been there for me. we have , and continue to do so , have experienced every emotion that life throws at you. i cant imagine my life without them in it x

when my husband took his life, i found people i thought would always be there for me ,ie my sister couldnt cope with my sadness

Not sure that his is actually a poem, but:

People come into your life for a reason,
a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is,
you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at
an inconvenient time, this person will say or do
something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and
now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a
solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person
and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life.

ariadne thank you, but you have made me cry.

Matson, suicide makes people uncomfortable, even more than natural deaths or accidents. What a dreadful experience for you.

matson I too understand that,my daughter was in a situation of abject terror and trapped and ended her own life,because of the actions of another.... People do find it difficult to deal with..as we ourselves do...and I always am very cautious about how much I reveal when asked because of thatxxxxx so good to hear that you have 3 lovely loyal friends it helps doesn't it.

To those "onlies" (only children) who think it may have been a disadvantage, may I kindly (very kindly, believe me) say that I don't think being an only child need affect your ability to make friends, unless some other part of your personality (innate shyness, perhaps) makes a difference too. I say this because my father was an only child, but a more out-going, easy-friend-making, jolly extrovert you could not meet! My ex mother-in-law was also an only child but one of the kindest and most loveable, freindly people I have ever known. She and I were friends instantly when we first met, and we still are friends in spite of the fact that I left her son eighteen years ago.

I hope everyone is finding friends on gransnet. I certainly am and I love that

Bags I completely agree. I didn't mean to suggest that as an only child I always have problems with friendships - I had a lovely childhood with a large extended family, lots of cousins and always made friends easily. Where I think I used to get myself in trouble - and still do occasionally - is that I sometimes became a bit intense about everything and wasn't sure how much or how little people wanted of me. I would also worry very much about arguing with friends because I was afraid of losing them - which I think relates to the issue of not having that sibling experience of squabbling but still having to maintain a relationship.

I agree about finding friends on gransnet - I love it too

I agree that personality comes into it as well. I know other 'onlies' who don't give a stuff about upsetting their friends! Or maybe that's a sign of only children's self-centredness Oh dear it's a minefield.

Yes bags you are right ,E and mum did/do have other issues but the cut and thrust of learning to share seemed to be missing for them both and relationships for both of them where/are more difficult....fortunately I am able to encourage and guide E into the art of friendship as she is not naturally gregarious...she is gaining more confidence and becoming more insightful of relationships

interesting thread!! I have friend who met at 16 41 years ago!!

I have 2 other close girl friends also who I am much more at ease with.

There are issues with my oldest friend and this past week we have come close to falling out - but it is a long while to give up on! -

She is godmother to my estranged daughter, she has not children of her own, and my daugher has written to her after 3 years to ask her to write back. This is extremely upsetting for me, long story , but do feel desperatley hurt our daughter can do this, she did cut her off same time as us (her husband did it to be accurate) and now I wonder is she trying to build bridges or just hurt us more!!??

Very difficult issue. I agree some friendships can drag you down and others just make you feel glad to be alive!! We are all different things to different people I guess .

Could it be your daughter's way of taking a first step to getting back in touch with you, via your friend?

Ariadne - I like your post very, very much. Thank you.

B - I agree . Finding friends on gransnet is a real pleasure.

slightly different thing my husband died seven months ago. My sister promised to keep in touch now does not want to know me I have two daughters who constantly fight with me in the middle have to tread on eggshells in case I lose both which seems very likely at the moment it is so distressing(sad)

Blackbird - I know exactly what you mean. One of my daughters constantly tried to make me criticise her sister and seemed to believe 'he who is not with me is against me.' She would ask which of them I loved most, and I would reply that I love both of them as much as it is humanly possible for one person to love another.