End of a Long Term Friendship.

It is tricky when lives go on different paths.. but in my experience sometimes they do cross again as long as a small link has been kept. Maybe dorset your friend is taking longer to adjust to retirement?
OH & I had two really good friends when we were younger who were best man /bridesmaid at our wedding . Over time, whilst remaining friends, we stopped holidaying together, seeing each other weekly etc ..I had my DDs a few years before they had kids so we were always at different stages.. we saw them a couple of times a year.. but now they are grandparents we are becoming close again! maybe in time you and your friend will rekindle the closer relationship..shared history is always a powerful pull.

Dorsetpennet, your friend certainly does seem to have made a decision to grow old whereas you sound vibrant and active. I also wonder if she is depressed? Like nightowl and Alison I am still in the process of letting go of an old friend of 35 years. I am finding it painful and sad. I realised that she had no interest in my life and wanted me to listen to all her problems. I don't think she has noticed I have gone. I am struggling not to feel that our friendship was worth nothing to her. It is making me feel vulnerable in all my friendships. I miss her, I miss having a 'best' friend to do things with.

Wise words gracesmum

I also agree with greatnan when she says some people age (mentally) much more quickly than others. I think it becomes more apparent as we get older. I met one of my best friends when our children started school and, looking back, she was 'older' than me even then (or more mature!!). She is quite decided in her opinions and tuts a lot!

But, we have been through a lot together and still have enough in common to maintain a good relationship.

As Ella said dorsetpennt - don't force it - go with the flow!

I was in a similar situation , and to be quite honest , hard as it may be it is best sometimes best to just let go

I agree with grace.

Can't argue with all that has been said here, but I wonder if your friendd is possibly going through a sort of "post-retirement" depression?
She may be feeling a bit lost and not sure where she "fits in" any more. I have felt that and seen it in others.
Without GC she may feel she can't share your enthusiasms and may find it harder to contribute to conversations where she doesn;t have that in common. Some people try, others fail.
All the same you can't keep fanning the flames if a fire is dying, so you will know what is best for you.

Thank you all so much. After I posted this thread I was feeling rather sad, a friendship of 28 years is a tough one to let go. However, I do have a lot of interests and other friends - I shall carry on as I am and wait and see if it just drifts into a natural conclusion or not.

As others have said, life is ebb and flow and everything changes with time. I am sure that the good times you shared with your friend will be happy memories for both of you, but maybe your relationship will change and not be quite as close - that is OK.

Very good comment from greatnan re some people ageing quicker than others,just yesterday I had to go and help my neighbour who in fact is two years my junior she was upset that she is finding it hard to mix with the neighbours as they all have lives outside our community and she thinks no one likes her and no one invites her in for a in reality all the neighbours go to lunch clubs and other clubs locally but she will not mix or join in,I have always made sure she is eating well by taking her any extras I have made but she will not mix at all,so very sad she has no immediate relatives that I know off.
I think that with you working at the supermarket and your easy way to mix with people keeps you young and your friend is your friend in a totally different way now you are both older in years.

Letting go of an old friend when you realise you seem to be doing all the work sounds very familiar to me Alison. I did this a few years ago and I still mourn the loss of that particular friendship. We met at work and clicked immediately. We went on holiday together, laughed a lot, saw each other through many ups and downs including her divorce. Then she remarried, had another baby and moved away. I tried to keep in touch but in the end I began to feel I was bothering her- she said all the right things but her actions said the opposite. I made a conscious decision to stop trying and never heard from her again. I guess she outgrew me

We all change and I think it's natural for some friends to come and go, and for others to be always with you.
Good friends are a blessing, but some drain the life out of you.
Just go with the flow, it's normal.

Sad but time to move on I think. There is a poem about people coming into your life for a reason and a season.

We have also moved a lot and it changes us and, in my opinion, makes us more open minded people. I now live closer to the friend I have known the longest but she seems much older than me and we share some things but do others separately and that seems to work.

You sound to me like you will continue to make lots more friends of all ages and types and that is such a good thing.

If you are sure she doesn't have a particular problem and need your help just get on with your life and have no regrets. I think I understand as I am just letting go of an old friend because I seem to be doing all the work.

Life is full of hellos and goodbyes, togetherness and separation. This can be sad but it's also part of what makes life interesting.

It is sad, dorset, but some people become old much sooner than others. It sounds as if your friend is allowing herself to slide into old age and there is probably not much you can do about it. Your life sound so full and useful, she may even be a touch envious.