How judgmental are you?

Yes ella, these huge meet-ups are bound to change the dynamic of Gransnet.
In another more, shall we say, insidious way, PM-ing does that too.

However, there must be people who can genuinely help another person and realize that a post on the virtual village would be just that little bit too public.

I don't think it is to do with people bitching behind your back.
There again, some of it could be.
Everywhere in life you'll meet people who feel the need to round up the troops.

So, let's see what happens.

Indeed Mamie- as I have learnt to my peril

Me too, granjura.
Thanks for reminding me about Mumsnet, Anagram. Have just spent half an hour on there enjoying the "famous people you have met" thread. Very rude and very funny.

My pleasure, Mamie!

There are times when PM is a satisfactory means of getting information to someone who needs it or from someone who has some expertise. It's not always appropriate or necessary to do this on an open forum.

PMing condolences or to give info okay.

However, a while back AlisonMA remarked that when she has said she thinks someone is being unfair or unkind she gets a huge PM response agreeing from those who don't feel able to respond openly.

That's the kind of PMing I think is unhelpful to Gransnet. It does smack of going behind someone's back.

Actually, in these circumstances I find myself feeling annoyed with those who are willing to be critical secretly but not openly.

Also someone remarked a few posts ago to me 'we know that you yourself do not suffer from shyness'.

I don't think I like that either. How can anyone know whether it is hard for me to 'bare all' or not.

You are able to be critical openly though, Petallus Not everyone is able to do that. Their reasons are their own business, but everyone is different.

petallus I agree with you that PMing someone to offer condolences or some information that might be unsuitable to put on an open forum is perfectly acceptable but knowing that members are PMing eachother during discussions on a particular thread is a bit like being in a room and feeling excluded because people are whispering behind their hands. It might not be true but that's what it FEELS like.

Tittle-tattling behind someone's back is hardly new Elegran.

In an ideal world if people felt they couldn't make a criticism to someone's face they wouldn't make it at all.

elegran if people feel they do not like to disagree openly, should they be on a forum at all?

How do they get to know the person who is going to speak on their behalf?

On another thread a very reasonable question has been asked about G.N.'s changing their user name. I have not commented on the thread as it is not upto me to tell anyone whether or not I think their perfectly legitimate choice of whether or not to do so is the right or wrong thing to do.

Actually, I hadn't given it a second thought to do so, nor had I thought anyone else would have done so. Now I am beginning to wonder, if a G.N. has changed their user name, have they sent a P.M. to those they want to continue to know who they are?. If they had changed their user name for, say a friend or family had joined and they wanted to remain unknown, fine. Had they changed their user name to stop others who have been debating with them continuing to do so, what would that imply. Only those they have P.Md would be aware of who they are and the rest of us would be out of the loop on purpose. Just a thought.

I think you've hit the nail on the head, POGS

I was not recommending private criticism, just commenting that Petallus has been outspoken on some subjects (though I don't know how she feels about baring all), She could perhaps be seen as one of those who influence the more timid who do not want to be drawn into a conflict. They may refrain from any comment at all on a subject which has strong protagonists rather than put their heads above the ramparts.

To say that they should not be on the forum at all is to put it a bit strong.

I changed my name a few months ago, from my real name, Carol, as I had got fed up with feeling exposed when a poster we don't see any more had a go at a few of us who were denied contact with our grandchildren (happily resolved for me, now). It felt like the appropriate thing to do for me, and I explained on one of the quieter threads that it was me. A few Gransnetters have done this, too.

whenim.

Thanks.

I would not have thought the reason you gave could, should or would have happened on this site. I don't know the thread but it sounds like someone 'being judgemental' (sarcasm intended).

I depair at some things I read.

But isn't it awful that you felt you should have to change your name at all, when? Having to change your name to avoid forum bullies is not what this is about surely?

depair. I must put the Bicardi down, now.

Not quite sure I understand- how would anyone know it some members are pm'ing each other?

I do sometimes pm Greatnan, as she is a friend and we talk about lots of things. And a few people because we obviously had something in common- usually geographical. Very different to gossip. But how would anyone know anyway- so does it matter?

I agree that PMs can be done for thoughtful and helpful reasons and that is fine. However I agree if it is done to form a kind of clique it is not in the spirit of forum use. The whole point of online debates is that you can comment anonymously and so express your opinions openly, within the bounds of the law. I do not understand why people feel unable to say what they think on a forum. Just because a person's views might be the minority view should not prevent them expressing them. When I have felt comments have got overly personal I have said so but accept some of my opinions may not be populist or mainstream.

Like Jess, this is the first time in a week that I have looked at this thread and I have to say that it does sound petty when read through´cold´. I´m sure there are very many GNers like myself who rarely give their opinions and just add the occasional comment.I know that I am prone to ridiculous outbursts, sometimes judgmental and I would hate to see my words recorded in writing forever! Also I am pretty confident that PMing is not used for ´ganging up´. I am looking forward to a Gransnet meet-up, not because I want to be part of a clique but because I really fancy a nice trip to Edinburgh! Sometimes issues are far more innocent than people imagine. Chill

Well Elegran I'm quite surprised at your view of my Gransnet persona. Outspoken enough to influence the timid? Not sure what means exactly so not sure whether to be insulted or flattered.

Not sure how I feel about such personal comments actually.

Grannylin

I must admit I'm a bit surprised, too, petallus, I think there are far more outspoken members, and those who are extremely sure of themselves as well.