How judgmental are you?

If people are PMing eachother then there's not much point in having an open forum.

Ha! I have been incredibly busy. I get back and you are scrapping on a thread about being judgemental. Or not.
I am laughing out loud. Brilliant.

Oh yes there is merlot. If you feel that you can help someone in a very personal way then PMing is the best way to do it. If on the other hand you are doing it to 'gang up' on people as has been suggested that is not good.

kitty you have done nothing to cause upset, it was a very good thread, sometimes these topics just take on a life of their own and go down roads you hadn't necessarily intended.

PMs are used for so many different reasons, and should not be assumed to be a way of ganging up or criticising others. In the last few days I have sent and received supportive PMs to and from Gransnetters I have never met, but our posts may have struck a chord and we wanted to give sympathy or offer some details that woud be of no interest to others. I have no interest in PMs exchanged by other Gransnetters. I don't worry that people might talk about me in a PM. I understand that some Gransnetters might feel differently, though it doesn't mean this is what is happening. I get the impression people are generally getting on with their lives and don't give too much thought about who is PM-ing who.

Jess

It is certainly not pleasing to me to hear that some Gransnetters are privately PMing a poster to agree with their point of view, through fear of doing so openly.

That kind of behaviour is as damaging to the Gransnet forum as deliberately stirring it.

Forgive me if I misunderstood what you were saying AlisonMA

p.s. I am put in mind of the expression 'man up'.

I feel really stupid asking this but what is PMing?

It may not be fear, petallus but shyness or reserve. We know that you yourself do not suffer from shyness, nor do others who post a lot and "bare all" but many people just do not want to speak their innermost thoughts on the forum, however happy they are to chat more generally, and robust free-for-all argument is great for those who enjoy it, not for all.

However, on occasion, the more reserved want to express support for someone whose troubles strike a chord, or share some private information with someone who is undergoing the same stress. I don't feel that PMs should be banned.

I received some really supportive PMs when I was widowed recently, and I value them. I have enjoyed meeting a few gransnetters and look forward to meeting them again (and others) but I do not feel that because I would recognise their faces we belong to a secret cabal who can exclude veryone else.

I agree that PMing should not be used to gang up on anyone or to insult someone directly and privately but that is also true in real life - ranting at someone or talking about them behind their back is just bad manners.

I'm now going to think you're all pm ing about me behind my back and get paranoid! Every one I've seen today says they're paranoid! Now you're all getting paranoid!
So, I'm going to get paranoid about paranoia!
I'm entitled to if I want to so there!

It's Private Messaging, baNANA - you'll see that on the purple band the poster's name is on there are options to Add comment/Report/Private Message. You can send a private message like an email and they show up in your Inbox at the top of the page (if you click on it!).

bananna. PM is private messaging or in boxing..... [Smile] xxxx

Oh thanks Angaram

jeni, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you!

Thanks Littlenellie

I read somewhere that the way to prevent people talking about one , as you leave the room is to say don"t talk about me Big Big

In real life I am as robust as anyone at putting my opinions across, and I'm happy to take on others points of view, however, I do feel that as you can't see me or hear the inflections in my voice, you could easily take something the wrong way.
I would hate that.

So, I tend not to join in with the more contentious threads.

I don't feel that netters are ganging up, but I am concerned that when a lot of you have met each other, the general tone of the forum will alter.

If it does, it may be a good thing, who knows?

Phew, I've not posted this much before

I share your concerns about the mass meetings-up, Ella. No matter how much people protest that it won't change the way they post on here, it's bound to. And those of us who choose not to meet up, or can't for some reason, are also bound to feel a little excluded. There's no getting around it.

Anagram.

I can't beleive I hadn't taken any notice before. I wondered how it was done. Is it just the case you see a message in your personal in-box, or is there something else I have missed somewhere on the G.N. site to let you know you have a P.M.

POGS I get an email from Gnet telling me I have a pm.

You have to look in your inbox - but you will get a message to your email account to tell you one has been sent. I think it's a pity there's no way of knowing you have a message without actually looking.

I haven't met anyone and have no intention of doing so, but I can honestly say it doesn't worry me in the slightest if people choose to meet. It's only a forum. It always amuses when people think others are too outspoken on Gransnet. I find it the gentlest and most polite of the forums I use; some of the ex-pat ones are incredibly robust (to put it mildly). Obviously trolls are a different matter and I try to spot them and ignore them, though I get taken in sometimes.

Well, we should all remember that whatever we post isn't just read by gransnetters but by anyone on the web; sometimes it's a bit like being in the Big Brother house and it's easy forget that the whole world may be watching. However not an issue really in that everyone seems to be on Facebook or twittering anyway [except me]. As for meeting up, over the past few years I've found that I've got to know some people on the internet more than I probably know family and neighbours. And it reaches a point where you do feel you would like to meet them. Funny old thing, the internet, but I don't know where I'd be without it now; certainly can't imagine life without it.

I've only ever looked at Mumsnet once, but the language and accusations on there.... I suppose one could say that at least it's all out in the open and no one is in any doubt as to who their friends are, or are not!

Meeting up is a good thing for those who wish to do it, surely? Perhaps it might change the dynamics a little, but that doesn't have to be a negative thing. All for the better in my book.
I'm not one for large gatherings, so it's not something I would choose to do, and I don't feel excluded, because I know it's my choice.