Missing Schoolgirl Megan Stammers.

I won't give details Greatnan but physical readiness can be made to happen despite a boy's reluctance or resistance.

Janeainsworth completely agree with your post, whilst a 15 year old running away with her teacher is quite a serious matter, it does seem she was quite complicit in their relationship. However, it is no way on a par with the truly awful details I have been reading about in the Times this week concerning the young girls in Rochdale and their Asian abusers. I know this has been discussed before on Gransnet but the fact that it appears to have been going on for so long and the police suppressed information given to them in the name of racial cohesion is truly appalling and in my opinion far more of a case for getting hot under the collar about. I believe Anne Diamond said something along the lines of "so what" in response to the story about the runaways and I'm inclined to agree with her.

It is a big problem for children of both genders who have been sexually abused that they can become sexually aroused in spite of their unwillingness to participate. I have worked with a number of young girls where this has been the case and this fact alone can cause them a great deal of distress for many years after the event.

With regard to Megan, I accept that many 15 year olds are sexually aware, flirtatious and may even pursue older men. It has always been the case. However I continue to maintain that she was taken advantage of, groomed and abused by a man who was old enough to know better and was in a position of trust. He exploited his position in the worst possible way. I don't think there is any point in comparing this scenario with the terrible abuse cases in Rochdale and now Rotherham (my home town). It is still wrong and I feel for her parents.

So what - the poor parents must be beside themselves! The girl is supposed by law to be in their care and in full time education.
Sounds like the young man's parents are also distraught from listening to the news.

The thing is we don't know about this 'couple's' relationship at all. We are making a lot of assumptions. There are obviously some things wrong with the way the school has handled this but there is one aspect that seems to have been overlooked and that is what will happen on her return? If she is really in love with this guy and he dumps her or refuses or is unable to continue this relationship, what will happen to her? How will she cope with her feelings? And the attitudes towards her of her friends and family and the media and the general public? It's a mess but she will carry it with her for the rest of her life - as might he.

I would add that I do feel very sorry for both sets of parents involved.

Good news they have found her in Bordeux safe and well thank goodness for that.

I don't think she was ever in any danger. I can't imagine how they thought they'd be able to just disappear, though.

I hadn't thought she was in any danger Ana but I heard a view expressed on the radio that I hadn't considered - that we had no idea about his state of mind and there could be a possibility that they would begin to see themselves as 'star crossed lovers' with who knows what consequences. After all, he had a good idea what his fate would be when they were found and he could have become desperate. Thank goodness they are safe.

There's a European Arrest Warrant out for him, so he will be back in England to face trial and she will be back with her parents. That's going to be a painful reunion, I should think.

I'm not making excuses for him because what he did was inexcusable [and men's brains become disengaged when other emotions take over] but[not having seen much of the news recently] the girl doen't look 15 at all. I would say she is in love and he is in lust. His life is pretty much over, I'd say [unless his wife forgives him]; he would have known this would happen but couldn't help himself.

crimson Most 15-year-old girls – and some younger ones – are pushing 25. I think we have a mistaken picture of girlish teenagers that doesn't accord with reality. I certainly didn't appear childlike in my teens and nor did absentdaughter. However, it doesn't matter what she looked like in that her maths teacher would have known how old she was.

I think 15 year olds can be very sexually knowledgeable in a way that we probably were not at that age. But that does not mean they are emotionally mature. The two do not equate.
I don't think any 15 year old girls are emotionally mature enough to handle an affair with a (married) 30 year old man.
And evidently some 30 year old men not emotionally mature enough to handle having strong feelings for a young woman.
I think another risk in this scenario is that the "folie a deux" situation can lead to desperate actions, possibly to the point of suicide (they are going to separate us! I'll go to prison!) . So I was relieved to hear that she was safe. I fear for her privacy when she returns.

This young man appears to be quite naive, if he really thought that he could go and get a job in a bar in Bordeaux without someone spotting him. Was he unaware that the police in France were looking for him? Did he want to be caught because he realised there was no other way out?
Megan herself seems to have a very fractured family background which may have predisposed her to look for affection from an older (though apparently immature) man.

The latter posts on this thread have mentioned the fact that 15yr old girls are more like 25 yr olds these days.
Is that not partially our fault because as a society we accept 'sexy' bikinis and the like made for the age 4 - 5 age ranges.
Society also accepts the 'moving on' from one partner to another when the initial attraction wears off, siblings close in age all have different fathers, and the nightclubs are full of under-age girls drunk, drugged whatever.
Lads brag that they have 'screwed' a different girl every night this week - heard my ex son-in-law say that - lucky escape for my DD.
Society is to blame for an awful lot of what is happening and only society can put it right - difficult now though, that it has gone so far.
I live in a popular seaside area and every summer we are crowded with visitors - the sight of little girls 4,5,6,7ish year olds and upwards dressed like catwalk models, balancing on totally unsuitable heels etc etc etc beggars belief.

It is, however, a matter of fact that girls are reaching puberty earlier than our generation did. A ten-year-old is no longer a little girl, but a pubescent pre-teen, as I can now observe in my own GD. However, it's also observable that emotional development does not necessarily follow physical development and it's this that can pose dilemmas for parents and teachers.

I'm thinking of his poor Mum- she must be in turmoil. Relief that they have been found safe and well, apprehensive about what lies in store for him and anger at his stupidity. He's still her son and I'm sure she loves him.

I also feel huge sympathy for his wife - betrayed and put in the public eye through no fault of her own. The poor girl must be devastated.

These two are real victims of this situation, caused by the selfish and thoughtless behaviour of the would-be Romeo and Juliet.

A local girl many years ago attached herself to a man much older than her - he turned out to have mental health problems and persuaded her into a suicide pact - it was a terrible tragedy.

It is hard to understand why Megan and the teacher did not wait until she was 16 before flitting - at least they would have been on the right side of the law in one respect. This teacher has to be a bit unbalanced to go off with her - he cannot possibly not have realised the consequences.

But as they say, some men just follow where their d**k is pointing!

www.teachingexpertise.com/articles/sexual-relations-pupils-over-16-5634

This is interesting - it seems that the teacher would not have been immune from prosecution if he had waited until Megan was 16.

This just goes to show that there will always be men who are slaves to their sexuality, being stupid enough to ruin their lives for it. He deserves his punishment, whichever country metes it out.

This child/woman has obviously been given carte blanche by her parents to behave like an adult - I cite hair dying and heavy make up etc. They should look to their own parenting skills before casting stones.

My twin daughters were very interested in fashion and had their hair highlighted and would experiment with makeup at the same age, specki, as did their friends. Sometimes, the makeup was a bit over the top. That didn't make them sexually precocious, or me a neglectful mother. I did the same when I was that age, like my peers. Even if Megan did behave precociously, guidance from teachers and parents apparently was not enough to prevent her teacher exploiting her. His job was to contribute to her safe development as a child, primarily via education.

Yes when I agree, the issue here is about his exploitation of a minor in his charge. But I still feel that the parents of adolescent girls who permit them to look and behave like mature women, should be more watchful and aware of predatory males who may misread the signals that they are giving out. In this case, he knew her age and had a duty of care and he still abused it. The fact that she looked and behaved like a sexually mature woman must have played a part in blinding him to his fate.

I think we should agree to disagree specki. There are many feminists, and I am one of them, who believe that a girl or woman should be free to appear as she wishes, without having some man drooling over her or exploiting her. Certainly Megan's parents have a responsibility to guide her, but the way she looks is not a good reason to blame them, and many teenage girls look and behave older than their years but don't get exploited. Misreading signals is no defence for exploiting children. The thing is that some men who are inclined to act on their interest in under-age girls (some call them 'jailbait') will elevate the child to the status of mature, consenting adult, to permit themselves to do what they know they should not do with a child.

Parents whose daughters like to dress in fashionable clothes and wear makeup should not have to worry that they are failing to protect their daughters because they look older than they are. They should be able to assume trust in the teachers who educate them. I agree with you that he had a duty of care. It's likely that he is immature and doesn't grasp the age-old issue of adolescent girls exercising their emerging sexual powers and having crushes on teachers.

I hope Megan and her family use the support on offer to them. If this teacher had been a responsible man, he would have explained he was not available to start a relationship with her, resolved his marriage problems or finished that relationship, and kept his distance from Megan until he had a different job and she had reached the age of consent.

It shouldn't have happened but why assume he was being lustful and exploitative? He might have loving feelings towards Megan.

I've just been discussing this with a friend who has just retired from teaching. She expressed the view that if Jeremy Forrest had not been a teacher this would never have made the news and that young girls go off with older men all the time.
So the issue is not really that of Megan's innocence or otherwise, but the abuse of trust by a professional.