This father has named his favourite child!

it does hurt not to be anyone's favourite and to know it
I am the youngest of 3 daughters and after my middle sister died in her 40s some years ago I was informed by my mother that my eldest sister was special (being the first born) and the middle sister was the favourite of my father because they were alike and it was so sad she died as she was so special.
now I loved my sister I lost (we were close in age) and I had always assumed we were all loved equally so it was devastating to realise I was not anyone's favourite.
I have got over it in the intervening years but it is a confidence destroyer and no-one should be told at any age that they were no-one's favourite.

Happy Birthday (for yesterday) JO4 - mine was Tues - us unbalanced ones have to stick together

My Mum preferred boys though it was only realised by my sis and I as we grew older. But she had a blatant favouritism for my DN over my DDs and other GCs.

He was the wonder child. But don't think it did any favours in the long run. He keeps himself V much to himself now adult (I think to avoid smothering well meaning love) whereas my DS is v outgoing and loving.

On the radio some twenty years ago, it may have been Woman's Hour, there was a lot about some research saying middle children were unloved. My middle child heard this and ever since has always told everyone she's the unloved one. It didn't make any difference - we still love her just as much as the other two. Can't help it. Whenever we have a family gathering, I just feel so lucky and proud of our brood I could burst!

I'm sure it goes back to the days when the boys were brought up to be breadwinners and girls either went into service, got married or stayed at home to help the aged parents. In many cultures boys are valued more than girls which is why gender selection is proving to be a problem when there aren't enough girls to go round.

Do you think favouring boys was a generational thing? My parents definitely favoured the two boys in our family of five siblings. I always felt well down the pecking order - and still do when we five get together (rarely these days) even though my parents are both dead.It is ingrained in my psyche to know my place!

Of all the family birthday cards I have had today, it is the one from my son that has pride of place next to the clock on the mantlepiece. [shame]

(Mind you, it does say "To my Mummy" and has got two lovely knitted mice on it )

(He's thirtyone)

My elder daughter thinks that my younger daughter is my favourite because I do so much for her. This is only because the elder one lives abroad and I only see her maybe six times a year. The younger one lives 10 minutes from me so I see her more frequently. She says the same about the grandchildren. Deep down, I don't think she really believes it. At least I hope not. I love both my daughters equally and the same goes for the four grandchildren. I'm told I'm always telling elder daughter about younger daughter's children, but it's only because I spend time with them and have something to tell elder daughter.

I was the secondbest and it really affects how you grow up. To have this said publically must be devastating to the other child.

My 3 girls are very very different people, and I love them all equally, but differently.
My eldest is difficult to relate to at times, and my youngest has always felt like a soulmate. I am close to my middle daughter at the moment because she is the first to become a mother, so we are connecting in a new and special way. She was the 'difficult' one during her teens.
Surely relationships change and grow over time and circumstance. Closeness waxes and wanes. What does not change is the equal and unconditional love.

My Dad used to say to me,"d'you know, you're the best girl I've got!" and he used to say the same to my brother (obviously changing the gender). It made us so happy, even though he had only one son and one daughter!

My son mentioned when he announced his engagement in front of all my family how I never had favourites, which made me very proud. I had always sworn I would not have favourites after my grandparents and parents showed distinctly their favourites. My father would boast how my second eldest sister was his favourite and this sister held a lot of sway over both my parents.

It's really mean of parents to favour a child, and a good way for children not to get along. Each child is different, how hard is it to love them all for just being them.

Oh yes. That happens. And then you just have to hope that the others can be understanding. Not always easy.

We love our children equally. It is just that sometimes one child gets away with much more than the other..

The article I read about this story implied that he regretted what he'd said and actually realised that his sons were just at different stages, so what he was currently enjoying with the older child he would soon be enjoying with the younger. He was still a daft bat to say it, but I think too much was made of it. Funny that.

I love mine equally but see them as the very different people that they are. Both are caring, sociable, affectionate and wonderful dads. My parents didn't have favourites but my poor mother's life was certainly affected by her mother's unconcealed favouritism towards her two sons, even though it was her two daughters who cared for her in her later years; the 'boys' could do no wrong!

Fortunately, being the favourite did not stop me becoming self sufficient!
I love all my gc the same, but I don't always like all of them the same.

Me neither, Jingle. I adore them all differently and the same, couldn't choose between them and wouldn't want to. I don't know where 'Buzz' is coming from - looks like he has repair work to do with his partner and children.

I definitely couldn't choose between my two grandsons. Adore them both!

Greatnan I'm sure that contributed to your sister's lack of self confidence. My sister and I knew we were inferior just because we were female. It was very clear that my mother had favourites and not just when we were children. Fortunately I have been able to move on but my sister never could get over it all. The ones who were the faves didn't become as self sufficient as the others.

My mum always used to say that all parents had favourites - she was one of five. I was an only child and terrified that if I had more than one child I would not be able to love them the same. Well my mum was wrong. And judging by the way she loved my children, grandparents definitely don't have favourites!

My younger daughter was always jealous of her sister and asked me often if she was my favourite. I always replied 'I love you both as much as it is possible for one person to love another, so I can't have a favourite'. I think she always felt the least loved, though, and it affected her throughout life. Nothing I could do about it - she demanded attention all the time and her sister, who is remarkably well-balanced, was happy for me to spend time fussing over her while she got on with her reading.
MY own mother used to declare quite openly that I was the favourite of her four children and even as a young child I thought it was wrong. I think that might have contributed to my older sister's lack of self-confidence.

I was beginning to wonder Movedalot!

Same here Gally. That time comes when they organise things between themselves, then remember to include me in, or tell me to put my purse away because they are paying the restaurant bill. Gives me a lovely feeling to know they are close to each other.

It depends on the circumstances. One is my favourite to help me chose clothes, one for IT help, one for organisation, one for understanding when I am upset, one for helping out in the kitchen when they are here, one for helping with the DIY, one for his cooking and no, I don't have 7 sons!