Invisibility

Yes but in the carpark lift yesterday someone(I've met them once)recognised us(DH 6'2" me 5'9"-3") and they had to explain-very embarassing-she was small and grey- we should all wear name badges . Very useful

Butty - don't you agree that an intrinisic belief in yourself is what gives you confidence?

Didn't watch DA - but indeed previous MPs for both sides of the city could answer to this. It remains to be seen whether our current one remembers me next time. I know they meet a lot of people but faces are pretty memorable to most people. And I do write to him often! Just had a long detailed letter back explaining why he thinks police and crime commissioners are the best thing since the proverbial mother's pride. (whacky brand name - does it still exist?)
butty that is exactly what the woman in the link was talking about.

Do we want to be visible?
I suppose it depends. I would not particularly want to be stared at if I had had too much plastic surgery and people were thinking: too much plastic surgery.
I do remember looking at Mary Archer once when she was giving a talk and thinking : wow, great plastic surgery! (but even if I was in the market I cannot imagine saying to MA - what's the name of your surgeon!!!!!)
But there are possibilities that stop short of pink hair (one day, when it goes properly white!)
Stand as if you are proud to be here. wear bright colours. smile and engage with people etc
And yes there are a lot of miserable so and sos in customer service in the urban SE. Drive an hour north into W Midlands and it is very different.

anno I agree, up here in the north-east I don't experience any discourtesy, let alone anything like as bad as gracesmum has.
People say hello on the street even if you don't know them and I have found the same in Staffordshire where DD1 lives.

I have a friend who can't remember faces; can't remember what the condition is called.

I don't have a problem in my local town. But then we do have the highest proportion of wrinklies in England!
I think this invisibility is a city thing with all those self important really important people rushing around in their self centred really important world.

It would certainly be hard for people to forget me here, as I am the only 'Dame Anglaise' in the area and this has been true in most of the remote villages I have inhabited in France.

greatnan - I see what you mean. However, I believe one can have confidence in various areas of one's life, but not necessarily in all. I feel it goes beyond that (or deeper than that) - to a knowing of oneself which accepts lack of confidence (and perhaps all that goes with that), but still being able to walk tall and be oneself regardless. I find it's about feeling whole. More to do with knowing who you are and feeling comfortable with that, not what other's may perceive one to be and the accepted attributes that may go with that.

I've often been seen to be confident, but that is, of course, not always the case. Yet it's about feeling and honouring whatever place one is at the time.

(Maybe I might have used I instead of one - as that's about owning the emotional state).

I read this thread and then I said to DH: "I'm trying to remember if I've ever felt invisible."

His response: "Who said that?"


And then:
"You're not an invisible sort of person."

Well, there you go - he got it in one B.

Well, there you go - he got it in one B.

That's just it, though. Bags, and Greatnan, you will probably never be 'invisible' because of the very force of your personalities. Some of the rest of us just fade into the background, and I can't see myself buying an outlandish hat just to stand out from the crowd!

This is my latest hat (apart from Buffs). Mine's all navy. I tried on this one first in the shop, then about three dozen others, but I knew this was the one all along. Dead comfortable

Self-confidence is a mixed blessing. I have always applied for jobs that were apparently above my competence level, and then had to work like mad to make sure I succeeded, when the unsuccessful applicants were waiting for me to fail. (Teaching in the Wirral was very incestuous). I used to look at people who were doing similar jobs and think 'I could do it as well as they do'. I have also been told many times that I must be really lacking in confidence underneath but just putting on a good show. If that makes people like me more, I don't mind, but it isn't true.
Being confident does not mean that you fail to recognise the areas where you are less capable. I can't sing, act, paint, reverse neatly, my cooking is hit and miss, I have no sense of fashion and I clearly have gone very wrong somewhere in bringing up one daughter. Other than the last 'failure', I simply tell myself that the things in which I have no talent are not important to me.
I don't know how much is down to nature and how much to nurture. I was , I am told by my sister, a very happy little girl, always ready to 'put on a show', loving the limelight, and my mother and older siblings certainly told me often that I was the best thing since the last best thing!

I have been appalled by the way some members here have been treated by their own mothers - no wonder they sometimes lack confidence.

Funny stuff, confidence. I'm actually a very quiet person (except when I'm dealing with Cubs ).

I love that hat Baggy I want it in green.

I absolutely love it, too! I could actually see myself in that hat!

I know that shop too, Bags - a lovely place! I have never seen a hat shop like that around here.

My aunt, barely five foot in her prime, and a lot less as she grew older, and in old age with a sweet old lady expression was never overlooked. She had been Senior Nursing Tutor at a big London Hospital and had a reputation for being a bit of a martinet. Anyone who tried to overlook her got the same hard stare and clipped remark that had brough to heel many a student nurse who overstepped the mark and it worked. I aspire to have the same presence as I get older.

I have that condition where you do not recognise faces if the person is out of place or context, I have even walked past DH. I have had to admit to people that I did not remember them but when told their name I could recall knowing them.

That is a great hat, bags - very 'you'.

That must be a problem to live with harri and it just goes to show that we should not always take it personally if someone fails to recognise us.
It also means you can't play "Casualty" when watching TV When watching TV you have to recognise an actor and remember what else you have seen them in. At one time the answer always seemed to be "Casualty" (if it was American the answer often seemed to be ER). I have a niece who would always win this game, getting to the answer in record speed.
Nice hat bags but not sure I believe the quiet bit.
This is a fantastic hat isn't it.
http://www.fabhatrix.com/shop/glengarry/
But hats are not for everyone. Helps if you have a small head is my theory.
Terry Pratchett is a bit of a hat wearing icon isn't he. Bet he has got quite a collection.

Harrigran your comment about not knowing people out of context reminded me of a similar incident. Years ago my father had come over to Scotland to visit his aged mother and afterwards went on to visit my brother who lived in England. My mother, missing my dad, who had been away for several weeks, decided to surprise him by arranging to join him at my brother's house. Brother collected mother at airport and took her back to his house. Mother walked in on dad, who, engrossed in his crossword, looked at her with a blank expression on his face. A good few minutes later recognition dawned. He admitted that he had been thinking 'I know that woman's face'. He had been married to said woman for over forty years at the time!

It is an age thing but not our age ... I am visible to people my own age, to children and to other dog walkers. I am invisible to young checkout girls at Tesco, young bar staff and anyone on a mobile.

The other day I opened the door to let myself in to the local Boots and a young man on a mobile tried to push through. It made me so cross I stood my ground, one hand still on the door blocking his way and informed him 'it may come as a surprise to you but I am not holding the door open for YOU'. He stepped aside looking astonished and apologised profusely, then held the door so I could go in.

Perhaps next time he'll think before he barges.

Good for you, jodi! I was just thinking that the way not to be invisible is to speak up if something annoys/bothers/pleases you. It's all very well to complain, for instance, that checkout girls don't see you, but just think what a mind numbingly boring job it is and you might have some sympathy, and then 'engage' their attention, either by speaking to them or by doing something that they will notice, such as not paying until they've looked you in the eye.