Does anyone else think that there is far too much petty bickering on GN

That's the sort if thing which is actually prosecutable !!! A bit OTT mamie
You have just confessed you don't understand how words from a stranger can hurt, so perhaps you should leave this thread for those who do understand and can empathise.

Oh..wait that is rather nasty Jodi.

Oh yes, sorry.

This pretty much defines what I understand by cyberbullying, Jodi.
www.stopcyberbullying.org/what_is_cyberbullying_exactly.html

If people are suffering stalking and harrassment then that must be reported and stopped.
Maybe we just understand different things in the word bullying?

I think that sometimes, when a subject has beed discussed for quite a while it's easy to read somehting someone has written and take it out of context because of not reading all the previous posts on that subject [difficult to do if it is many pages long].

I'm signing off now before I get cross. I think we're reaching a point where sympathy and understanding is going to be in short supply from people who cannot understand how people can be bullied 'by someone you don't know' and are therefore unable to to empathise with those who do understand it.

Agreed petallus and I hate the phrase 'people who think they are being bullied' for obvious reasons.

Exactly my point, mamie: gransnetters who feel they have a genuine grievance should report the post(s) they find offensive. If the post in question is judged impartially not to be a personal attack, then you just have to accept that and move on.

I understand that people can feel intimidated, Petallus, but I really don't see how you can be bullied by someone you don't know who has no power over you or your life.
If I felt remotely bullied then I would leave. When we had the unpleasantness on the ex-pat forum over our health cover, I was upset, but not bullied. I stayed on it because of the people who helped us sort it out. I have been bullied in my time at school and at work, but not by people who don't know me, somewhere in cyberspace.
I think the moderators have said that anyone who feels bullied should report it directly to them.

to mean uninterested....

Don't entirely agree mishap that we should just take this sort of behaviour. It's not a just case of the 'rough with the smooth' we're talking about. It's when it gets beyond that point. It's not even when there is a more 'robust' exchange of views. That we can all cope it. I think most of us can tell when things turn nasty.
But not apparently all.

I haven't quite worked out yet whether its a form of cyber aspergers or not.

when said that even when someone tries to intervene they can become a target too. That's a risk you take, but there have been a couple of threads where other, more moderate GNetters, have worked together to defuse an topic which had got out of control but sadly not before another GNetter had been driven from the thread.

Do the people who think they are being bullied or insulted on gransnet use the device we already have for dealing with such things – the report button? GNHQ will not takes sides but they will apply their perfectly fair and impartial rules to all reported posts. If HQ decides the reported post is not breaking forum rules, I think you just have to accept that.

For the pedants on board, I was going to use a different word in place of impartial – disinterested – but it is used so often to me uninterested that I thought it safer to use an alternative. This makes me sad. Sob.

There have been a number of occasions when posters have tried to raise the issue of bullying/personally insulting remarks.

Usually when they do so they are told they are imagining it, being too sensitive, it's only interesting robust debate or even that they should leave the thread/gransnet if they don't like it.

I think this denial by those unaffected by the bullying/intimidation is what goes on in the real world as well and compounds the bullying. It certainly happened to a friend of mine who was hounded out of her job a few years ago.

I also suspect that people who are behaving in a bullying manner often do not recognise that they are doing so.

Perhaps we should have an emoticon which means 'bullying, personally insulting behaviour'.

I'm sure it would only be used occasionally.

Absolutely agree, Mishap.

I think it is a case of taking the rough with the smooth really.

Because individuals on a forum are not speaking face to face there is a temptation to be a bit more outspoken and blunt than we might be when if we were sitting down to a cup of tea together.

But the upside of that is that it can lead to some very interesting and honest debate. I enjoy these, but not the "bickering" that can happen if someone takes a remark personally.

I think we will all have had times when we have felt put out with a response or have typed a real gem which has gone unnoticed! But it is all part of life's rich pattern and on balance I have learned a lot and "met" interesting people. I have also received a lot of support in troubled times; and have pursued a pm correspondence with someone very much in the same boat as I am and this has been/is fun and supportive.

I agree Movedalot, but it is, I think, almost impossible to know that people are feeling intimidated without being able to see their reactions. I think humour is difficult, Ella. I love verbal sparring, puns, satire, irony, but I don't particularly enjoy jokes and am hopeless at remembering / telling them. The things some people find funny, I find completely unfunny and sometimes offensive and I am sure the reverse is true.
I think if we kept possibly contentious subjects in AIBU then that might help.
I think if people feel bullied or intimidated it is important to remember that nobody on here has any power over you or your life.
On Mumsnet they often change identity after a particularly robust exchange.

Yes, anno and Mamie, especially about distinguishing difference of opinion from personal attack. No-one has the moral higher ground. Being unused to debate shouldn't result in insults, but neither should those who have learned to debate be condemned, and there has been equal measure of both.

Mamie I agree with you but there is a difference between genuine robustness and nastiness. No one minds a difference of opinion, that is good but intimidation is not good and I think we have all seen some of that.

I've been on here since the beginning, and I love it. Most members are supportive and friendly.
However, it is a cross section of people, and we can't expect to get on with everyone.

I think it would be nice if there was a little more humour sometimes, as some members are very literal

When discussions get heated, I tend to read them and move on for a while.
They can be interesting, but not worth raising my blood pressure for!

Live and let live

I do think it is necessary to develop a bit of "forum robustness" otherwise I think there is a danger of feeling constantly upset by certain views / opinions. I will continue to post as eloquently as I can on the subjects I feel strongly about and that I know about from experience rather than hearsay. I know I have sometimes upset people with things I have said and sometimes with things I didn't say, that they misread or misunderstood.
Similarly I have felt annoyed or upset sometimes, but I just leave the thread alone for a bit. I have only ever been really upset on another forum when we were in a difficult position and some people went out of their way to be downright nasty and unhelpful; fortunately others were very helpful to us. I never post criticism of friends or family, because I think it is possible if not likely that they or someone they know will read it.
I think it is interesting to look at Mumsnet sometimes and see how it works over there. Now that is robust!
I agree that politics, religion and newspapers are contentious subjects, but they do make for a good debate and you do have to separate a difference of opinion from a personal attack.

It is worth observing that even those G'netters who most rigorously defend their opinions are also among the most supportive of grans in distress. We all have more than one side to our personalities.

Nellie I must defend John Humphrys who, I agree, can be provocative but he is never offensive. It is his job to challenge people, usually MPs, and he does it rather well.

Unfortunately there are a few people on GN who, imo, are offensive and trying to prove they are in some way superior. I have seen instances where there could be no doubt that someone has twisted what I have said and misquoted me. When this is pointed out and they are asked why they have done it they never respond. I know I am not alone in this.

This subject seems to come up quite regularly and it has been called 'robust debate' and suggested that those who don't like it should come off the thread. It has also been suggested that those who don't like it are in some way too soft. I disagree with this view and agree with Jodi but when I suggested we could all try to be nicer my view was put down.

I now look at the headline and often don't even open it because life is too short to get involved.

I have never been on another forum, no time, so have nothing to compare GN with but don't think that bad behaviour on other forums is an excuse for the sometimes nastiness on this one.

I think the last time this subject came up the OP either left or changed their name, so sad.

I do think that when someone is in pain this is a good place to go for support so perhaps we can try to be a bit more supportive on all threads.

I agree that on the whole GN is a very supportive friendly group (I have been on forums where even threats of a beating have been posted). However, I think most of us have something which is very dear to us and sometimes people will post on that subject without appearing to give any thought to how this might affect the reader.

In my case, I have a deep Christian faith - I know there are many GNs who have no faith at all and I respect that but sometimes something is posted which I feel attacks my faith. Past experience has taught me that there is no way I could convince the non believers so I withdraw from that thread and don't post on it again.

Perfectly put ceesnan - advice I try to follow!

Oh heck! I've misled everyone! You have to press the "Watch this thread" button at the top right of a thread first for it to appear in the Watching list.

Coffee hasn't kicked in yet

The "Watching" button is useful too. If you are particularly interested in a thread, press that and then when you have a break but want to go back to that thread, hey presto, there it is!

Well said Ceesnan