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Does anyone else think that there is far too much petty bickering on GN

(502 Posts)
CHEELU Sat 15-Dec-12 20:22:37

If you read the threads there is quite a bit of banter between members, I am sooo dissapointed at this because at our age we really should know better. It makes me feel un comfortable and I have actually been at the other end of such goings on. Really not sure what response I am going to get with this thread but can not help but be honest.

glassortwo Mon 17-Dec-12 12:20:39

Make a list jeni thats the only way I can do it in stages, enjoy xx

jeni Mon 17-Dec-12 13:05:11

I've made 3 lists and lost them.sad I've packed all my evening dresses and jewellery though so I'm ok!

janey Mon 17-Dec-12 13:52:31

I've just been on the thread for Sister Beckett and it looks they are reving up for a verbal punch up about her being selfish and who thinks prayers are relevant or not.
Oh for goodness sake lets all be NICE to each other and live and let live. I know we dont always agree with each other but at least be NICE about it.
NICE really isnt a dirty word!!

janey Mon 17-Dec-12 13:53:50

PS. I also forget which threads I have been on. How good to know there are others out there.XTo youX

jeni Mon 17-Dec-12 13:57:26

It's four letters though!

JessM Mon 17-Dec-12 14:07:43

jeni I hope you have a great time.
I have been thinking about this issue while on daily constitutional. I had two thoughts. At a risk of stirring further acrimonious debate I will share them with you.
1. We all of us, I suspect, on GN have sore places where something has hurt us in the past. Some of them may be healed over - you'd have to poke quite hard to get a reaction. Other sore places may still be raw and tender. We do not know each other well, sometimes we inadvertently poke someone's sore spot. Many of us find from time to time that our own sore spots get hurt a little. I find it is always interesting to ask myself "why does this upset me". Sometimes we don't even know those sore spots are there until they are bumped into.
2. If I was sitting in an HR office in a workplace and a member of staff came to me and complained of bullying I would first ask - is it a boss, or someone who has power over you (e.g. they can hamper you doing your work, make you look bad in front of the boss etc). Most workplace bullying falls into this category.This does not apply on a forum I think as we are all equal.
Another possibility is that it would be one or more colleagues being perceived as being deliberately unpleasant. One person - they might be being unpleasant, and they may or may not be doing it deliberately. But one colleague, without power, being surly, critical or put-downy would not, to my mind, amount to bullying. There is a problem, of course, - a person on the receiving end and a person who is unable to be pleasant and professional, for whatever reason. But it is not bullying - it is a problem between two adult equals. At the end of the day we can make decisions about whether we are going to let an individual like that get us down. Whether or not we choose to confront them. Whether or not we look for another job where there are nicer people. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". I'd say the same applies regarding hurt feelings because of something posted by someone you don't really know.
Then there are the examples where a group of colleagues deliberately exclude someone from their social group, or make working life difficult for one individual. This is about social exclusion, rejection and sometimes an unwillingness to let someone different join the group. Jointly they may have the power to make the person's working life difficult, by lack of co-operation. I do not think this is very likely in GN. Someone who is falling out with someone on one thread can just walk away and find a congenial group somewhere else. To qualify as bullying on a forum someone would have to be pursued by a group of people from one thread to another until they felt that they were not welcome by the majority of members.
But I do think there are a few personality clashes on GN and people whose style or value system is seriously at odds with other people - so they tend to disagree and to do so repeatedly. These mainly manifest themselves on political or religious discussion threads. But membership of these threads is not compulsory. In fact nothing is and we are not at work and trying to earn a living. Neither are we powerless school kids that have to be in a classroom with others not of their choosing.
My conclusion is that I have never seen bullying in GN. A bit of fairly minor unpleasantness and some hurt feelings from time to time. A bit of irritation here and there and maybe a lack of sensitivity or an unfortunate way of expressing things.

jO5 Mon 17-Dec-12 14:10:15

You sure you're not over-thinking this jess?

Bags Mon 17-Dec-12 14:14:18

jess sunshine

Grannylin Mon 17-Dec-12 14:15:41

It was a long walkwink

Mishap Mon 17-Dec-12 14:18:01

janey - not a "verbal punchup" on the Sister Beckett thread - just an exchange of different views. That's just fine. People can agree to differ - but it is interesting to hear the views of others as it helps to understand how our fellows are looking at the world - has to be good I think.

Nanado Mon 17-Dec-12 14:18:36

JO wink grin hmm

That takes the fbiscuit!

Smoluski Mon 17-Dec-12 14:19:32

I think things sometimes look more unpleasant when written down as you can go back and read them,brings to mind a row with my brother via text,still not speaking after a fortnight,he blows a lot of steam,it goes in one ear and out the other side,black and white made it look worse....someone not sure who said "the pen is mightier than the sword" ,used wrongly or inadvertently is certainly a deadly weaponxxxxxlove nellie

Barrow Mon 17-Dec-12 14:30:57

Whilst I agree with a lot of what Jess said, it doesn't take into account that some people are not as "strong" as others.

Some of us can shake off an unpleasant comment but some can't. I would not want GN to become bland and boring but if we all put just a little more thought into what we post it may avoid some of the misunderstandings (which is what I think most of the problems stem from - misunderstanding rather than out and out spitefulness).

Mamie Mon 17-Dec-12 14:50:52

Well said, Jess. Thank you.

Movedalot Mon 17-Dec-12 15:16:23

Jess there is much in what you say but actually it does not need a group to exclude someone to become bullying, it can be just one person in the workplace. This is defined as bullying.

It is simple to say walk away, but that does not stop the hurt for the individual and it does not stop the hurter from doing it again. If people were to walk away in a work situation that would not stop it happening again. That is why we have laws about bullying.

It is not helpful to say it is worse on other forums, we are talking about this one. No one would say that someone who had a leg broken should be happy because another person had 2 legs broken.

I think that almost all GNs are nice kind people but not all. I have been on the receiving end of someone misquoting me to make me sound like a nasty person and when challenged she stopped posting and I know this has happened to at least one other person. Denying that it is happening does is not, imo, helpful.

I think we should all try to be honest about it. It doesn't happen a lot but it does happen.

Butty Mon 17-Dec-12 15:22:50

Jess Wrapped this thread up nicely, smile and a thank you from me, too.

(Groan all you like at the seasonal pun! grin )

jeni Mon 17-Dec-12 15:39:32

-----------------------

Lets all draw a line now!

janthea Mon 17-Dec-12 15:45:13

Can't everyone agree that's Christmas, goodwill and all that. Let's put this to be bed and forget it. After all, the world may end on Friday (Mayan prophecy) and wouldn't we look silly if we were still arguing!! smile

annodomini Mon 17-Dec-12 15:45:29

Thank you Jess, a cool appraisal with which I entirely agree. smile

Ana Mon 17-Dec-12 15:48:07

We are never all going to agree on this subject, but yes, it's time to move on! grin

Anne58 Mon 17-Dec-12 15:54:36

Right, I have had ENOUGH. Shut up, play nicely or don't play at all, differences in opinions on topics should NOT result in personal attacks, remember that the Personal Message Facility is just that, i.e. PERSONAL

Now, seeing as we can't have bloody bisciuts even though the OTHER LOT have them, then may I suggest a virtual glass of sherry and a mince pie all round.

Thank you, I have finished stropping now, just off to write a letter to the Daily Telegraph. (I would attempt to be more inclusive and sent it to every damn newspaper in the country, but I really can't be arsed.

Mishap Mon 17-Dec-12 15:55:17

Now all that needs to happen is for everyone to agree to draw the line!!!

jO5 Mon 17-Dec-12 15:56:11

I haven't made the sodding mince pies yet. hmm

jO5 Mon 17-Dec-12 15:56:28

that was to phoenix

Barrow Mon 17-Dec-12 15:58:19

ooh phoenix what are you writing to them about? Not reporting all us GNs are you? I can see the headline now "Grannies duel at dawn" (well not dawn for me I don't get up that early grin