Care for decrepit elderly.

Good to hear how much better your mum is - you can rest a little easier tonight.

Nfk

You can only do your best.

She was much more lucid today. Done some crochet work which is a good sign too. She's decided for herself that she doesn't want to go back to her bungalow as she'd only have to leave again when the new flat is bought. Ditto the dog. Although she would like to see her again she doesn't want her back as she feels the dog is better off in a new home. I do hope we can find a home for her locally. I went to see the friend who is looking after her today, and two dogs came bounding out to greet me. Jet is a different dog. So much happier, she deserves a bit of fun.

Just a thought. When my FinLaw was in hospital and missing his bijon frisée s all three of them. We arranged to bring them to the hospital and wrapped him up warm and wheeled him out in a chair to see them.
Wards are not prisons, you can take people out of them!

Having said that! One ward sister in my early days could easily have doubled as the warden of a Victorian prison! The lie in your tidy beds at attention until after god's (the consultant) ward round!

Nfk

My father was diagnosed with osteoporosis 2 and a half years ago, same as myself, mother and many family members including males.

He was taken to hospital and from that moment we have never looked back. The hospital made a referral to the Social Services and a home assessment was made before he was allowed home. The service was brilliant and his home was made safe for his return. He has a care package that means he is assisted with washing, dressing and his bed changed as and when required. His meals are prepared for him and his independance has been kept intact. He has his shopping done and I do his tablets, washing and ironing, cleaning etc, well I say me it's my poor old hubby actually does most of it.If I had not been in a position to do so I think his pension, with guaranteed pension and attendance allowance would cover for the extra help.

What I am saying is find out all you can from Social Services, it is surprising what your dear mother may be entitled to. They look into finances, yes, but not to snoop but to see if she is entitled too more financial help. We claim no carers allowance as we wanted the maximum amount of money available to go to his care in full and it is well covered.

I wish you well and your dear mother.

Thanks. They started giving small doses of morphine yesterday which made her happy, but today the happiness factor has worn off and it's now muddling her brain slightly. Apparently the first aim is to get her pain under control, and take it from there. Then they may possibly think about a new knee - or not.

At least beligerent means she hasn't given up - not very helpful though when you are on receiving end of the beligerence. Can nothing more be done about her pain? Perhaps jeni could help with suggestions and Mishap certainly seems to know her onions. So hard about her missing the dog as well. Sorry I have nothing sensible to add except empathy.

Oh dear. I can't offer any advice but can send sympathy and

Not a happy mother today! She's feeling homesick, missing her dog and is still in pain. Result is a very belligerent old lady. Not an easy patient. At this rate I couldn't blame the hospital if they sent her home!

In my mind the more people who say she can't live alone the stronger I feel. I don't think she wants to go back to the bungalow either now - and she can be quite wilful!

Glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction.

The staff nurse is not able to pronounce on her needs - she needs a Community Care Assessment by the social worker who will look at everything and help you and her to make the right decisions for her. You need to ask for this from SSD and also a Carer's Assessment.

I could not count the number of times a member of the ward staff had made a pronouncement without ever seeing or investigating the home circumstances - when I did it was sometimes hard to imagine we were talking about the same person!

I do hope that things get sorted soon and that your poor mum is out of pain.

grrrranny The Cinnamon Trust has quite a few centres around the Country where you can contact them they also look for people who can walk a dog for a person who is unable to do so themselves,short term and long term fostering is such a good way to keep yourself involved.

I had not heard of the Cinnamon Trust and it is a brilliant idea. I know a couple who have had dogs all their lives and have decided not to have another because of their age. At the moment they dog-sit for two Jack Russells but I know they would love to have another of their own. I hope you find someone near you for the Staffie soon.

Glad things seem to moving in the right direction, Nik. Get some sleep tonight!

It would be long term foster through the Cinnamon Trust. www.cinnamon.org.uk.

Whew - thank goodness. Best of luck with Staffie foster carers. I presume you mean for a shortish time???? I know someone who would do it but nowhere near Norfolk. Are you not realistically looking for someone to become new owners? Anyway, still glad things gone as well as they have.

All went well - I think. Surgeons have decided she doesn't need a new knee yet - just exercises to strengthen her muscles! I don't think she has any. She's always followed the maxim that if it hurts, don't do it. If your knee hurts, you sit still then it doesn't. If it hurts when you get up you buy one of those nice chairs that do it for you.

If it gets better that's fine, if it doesn't in a few weeks they'll consider a new knee (unless she can think of a way out of it). The nice staff nurse said she couldn't possibly live on her own and no further mention has been made of the OT. They hope to have her out of hospital and into rehab in about a week. A couple of weeks in rehab and then the SW will advise us on respite care. Phew! Obviously my alarmed haggard expression did the trick!

Papers for the flat have been signed and returned. Her house is nearly on the market. All is as well as it can be. Just need to find a home for the dog. If anyone hears of a child free house willing to foster (Cinnamon Trust supported) a friendly Staffie in Norfolk, let me know!

Stay determined. If you wobble let me know and I'll send you graphic descriptions of my time and it will strenghten your determination

Good for you, NfkDumplng. Try and stay strong.

Thank you all. I'm now off to the hospital and feeling determined!

Nfk Nearly 3 years ago my mother, then 89, had big op (unexpectedly) and I brought her to my house to recuperate. I have DH who was very understanding but I nearly cracked. Not so much with the physical stuff but mum was very anxious, wouldn't be left on her own, wouldn't take the medication she should etc etc. I had 3 months of that and if it hadn'[t been for DH having to have hernia op and me stating frankly that I couldn't cope with both of them (was still working then) I don't think she would ever have gone back to her sheltered accommodation. Three years on and she is amazingly well physically although I still have to visit every day and she phones me every evening. What all this is leading up to is - if you take your mum home for a little while, she may not want to leave and that is very, very difficult for you and everyone else concerned. I should have let my mum go to convalescent hospital where she would have taken the medication etc and been professionally cared for. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time! You say your mum is lonely and anxious so please be very, very careful, take whatever help is on offer and perhaps some of the suggestions regarding ways of getting her more socially involved will be useful later on. I really feel for you as that guilt is a real b*****d.

Oh NfkDumpling You are falling into the "guilt trap" that I am so often in with my family. Yes she is your mother and you want to do what is best for her but you also need to think what is best for you and your DH in the long term. You say that your mum will have a place in about 8 weeks which is no time at all really. Could she go into a private home for that time( if money allows it of course) ? and then she won't need to be on her own at all.

I love my gran to bits and she has always be the one I would go to with problems rather than my mum but I still couldn't have her live with me and my husband. It wouldn't be practical for a start as she can't do stairs.

Does your mum belong to any church or society? Is there something she could join? Does she get many visitors? My gran belongs to a ladies club and is active in her local church. We are a very small family but we all try and visit at least once a week and she does get visitors who pop in to see her regularly.

You can't beat yourself up over this. There must be a solution.

Thinking of you.

And it's back to the guilt thing again. She's my mother. I feel I should bring her to live with us - and the dog. So I feel I'm failing her. In actual fact I only managed to stay last week for three nights before I was using the put-u-up bed and my bad back as an excuse to go home. DH hates Staffies with a vengeance and we don't want another dog anyway. I don't feel I owe her - she only babysat and helped enough for appearances to be maintained. But - she's my mother.

Part of my problem is that I really don't want her to go back home. She gets very depressed, terribly so in winter, being on her own (she'd not spent a single night alone before my father died five years ago) and afraid. A few weeks ago she said she didn't want to spend another winter in the bungalow even if it meant giving up the dog so then I knew things really were bad! Her life has revolved around Jet since before dad died - he was definitely second in the pecking order - she turned down sheltered housing because the garden wasn't big enough for a Staffie. I fear if they send her home she'll abort the flat in favour of dog ownership and will slip back into solitary confinement and misery. Not good for her and not good for the dog. (Jet is staying with a friend of mine at present and is sooo happy!)