Care for decrepit elderly.

My dad has just left hospital and gone to an NHS funded residential home bed organised by their "intermediate care team." I think you will find that there are systems in place for helping her find somewhere suitable - you need to cinsult the ward sister and ask her who you should be contacting - the people who do this have different names in different health areas, but they are obliged to have systems in place for hospital discharges: there may be a dedicated team, or the OT dept might do it, or the local SSD - you need to ask what the system is in your area.

I am wondering how old your mum is NfkDumpling. My gran had a new knee when she was 88. It took a lot of persuading her to do it as she always came back with how much a waste of nhs money it was and that she would probably only live another year or two anyway. Eventually she had it done and its still working very well today and she is 97 this year.

She now seems to think that that the NHS got their money's worth

Incidentally she had a care team come in 3 times a day until she was back on her feet.

What an inspiring story Gillybob .

Good on her . x

Could she,use one of those stools that strap on and allow you to scoot around?

Mum is 88 too Gillybob She thinks she's too old and it'll kill her. I'll tell her about your gran. Can you remember how long it was before she went home? Mum is very lacking in confidence it'd take her a while to trust that the knee wasn't going to give way.

Jeni I love the idea of of her scooting around on a wheelie stool with her game leg stuck out in front. Lethal!

No! You put the bad leg in a kneeling position on the stool. Ie with it bent.the weight is then taken on the lower end of the femur rather than the knee joint!

Oh, those ones. Mishap didn't you have one of those? It wouldn't do for mum as she can't bend the bad leg, and the good one isn't to pliant either.

I'll have a word with the ward sister tomorrow and see what support they give in Norfolk. I hope it isn't the OT as she wanted to send mum home. I don't think it'll enhance the chances of a quick house sale if there's an old lady in bed in the living room - which is what she suggested.

Agreed!

Yes - I had one - I'm actually sending it back tomorrow as it is getting expensive and I have no idea how long this will go on. I am getting more adept at getting about on the crutches.

I hope you manage to sort something out about your mum.

Thank you Nonu she is absolutely wonderful for her age, she lives alone, cooks her own meals and her little bungalow is kept immaculate. She sees her great great grandchildren ( my grandchildren) every week and they call her Teeny Tiny Grandma!

My gran said exactly the same NfkDumpling I remember her saying that she didn't think she would survive the surgery and she did ( obviously) and it honestly gave her a new lease of life. Her surgeon was excellent and told her that he wouldn't even consider performing the surgery if he didn't think she could benefit from it. I seem to remember she was in hospital for around a week and then they supplied a team who visited her every day at home as she lives alone.

She now walks with one of those walkers with wheels but that is fairly recent and after all she is almost 97 !

Part of my problem is that I really don't want her to go back home. She gets very depressed, terribly so in winter, being on her own (she'd not spent a single night alone before my father died five years ago) and afraid. A few weeks ago she said she didn't want to spend another winter in the bungalow even if it meant giving up the dog so then I knew things really were bad! Her life has revolved around Jet since before dad died - he was definitely second in the pecking order - she turned down sheltered housing because the garden wasn't big enough for a Staffie. I fear if they send her home she'll abort the flat in favour of dog ownership and will slip back into solitary confinement and misery. Not good for her and not good for the dog. (Jet is staying with a friend of mine at present and is sooo happy!)

And it's back to the guilt thing again. She's my mother. I feel I should bring her to live with us - and the dog. So I feel I'm failing her. In actual fact I only managed to stay last week for three nights before I was using the put-u-up bed and my bad back as an excuse to go home. DH hates Staffies with a vengeance and we don't want another dog anyway. I don't feel I owe her - she only babysat and helped enough for appearances to be maintained. But - she's my mother.

Oh NfkDumpling You are falling into the "guilt trap" that I am so often in with my family. Yes she is your mother and you want to do what is best for her but you also need to think what is best for you and your DH in the long term. You say that your mum will have a place in about 8 weeks which is no time at all really. Could she go into a private home for that time( if money allows it of course) ? and then she won't need to be on her own at all.

I love my gran to bits and she has always be the one I would go to with problems rather than my mum but I still couldn't have her live with me and my husband. It wouldn't be practical for a start as she can't do stairs.

Does your mum belong to any church or society? Is there something she could join? Does she get many visitors? My gran belongs to a ladies club and is active in her local church. We are a very small family but we all try and visit at least once a week and she does get visitors who pop in to see her regularly.

You can't beat yourself up over this. There must be a solution.

Thinking of you.

Nfk Nearly 3 years ago my mother, then 89, had big op (unexpectedly) and I brought her to my house to recuperate. I have DH who was very understanding but I nearly cracked. Not so much with the physical stuff but mum was very anxious, wouldn't be left on her own, wouldn't take the medication she should etc etc. I had 3 months of that and if it hadn'[t been for DH having to have hernia op and me stating frankly that I couldn't cope with both of them (was still working then) I don't think she would ever have gone back to her sheltered accommodation. Three years on and she is amazingly well physically although I still have to visit every day and she phones me every evening. What all this is leading up to is - if you take your mum home for a little while, she may not want to leave and that is very, very difficult for you and everyone else concerned. I should have let my mum go to convalescent hospital where she would have taken the medication etc and been professionally cared for. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time! You say your mum is lonely and anxious so please be very, very careful, take whatever help is on offer and perhaps some of the suggestions regarding ways of getting her more socially involved will be useful later on. I really feel for you as that guilt is a real b*****d.

Thank you all. I'm now off to the hospital and feeling determined!

Good for you, NfkDumplng. Try and stay strong.

Stay determined. If you wobble let me know and I'll send you graphic descriptions of my time and it will strenghten your determination

All went well - I think. Surgeons have decided she doesn't need a new knee yet - just exercises to strengthen her muscles! I don't think she has any. She's always followed the maxim that if it hurts, don't do it. If your knee hurts, you sit still then it doesn't. If it hurts when you get up you buy one of those nice chairs that do it for you.

If it gets better that's fine, if it doesn't in a few weeks they'll consider a new knee (unless she can think of a way out of it). The nice staff nurse said she couldn't possibly live on her own and no further mention has been made of the OT. They hope to have her out of hospital and into rehab in about a week. A couple of weeks in rehab and then the SW will advise us on respite care. Phew! Obviously my alarmed haggard expression did the trick!

Papers for the flat have been signed and returned. Her house is nearly on the market. All is as well as it can be. Just need to find a home for the dog. If anyone hears of a child free house willing to foster (Cinnamon Trust supported) a friendly Staffie in Norfolk, let me know!

Whew - thank goodness. Best of luck with Staffie foster carers. I presume you mean for a shortish time???? I know someone who would do it but nowhere near Norfolk. Are you not realistically looking for someone to become new owners? Anyway, still glad things gone as well as they have.

It would be long term foster through the Cinnamon Trust. www.cinnamon.org.uk.

Glad things seem to moving in the right direction, Nik. Get some sleep tonight!

I had not heard of the Cinnamon Trust and it is a brilliant idea. I know a couple who have had dogs all their lives and have decided not to have another because of their age. At the moment they dog-sit for two Jack Russells but I know they would love to have another of their own. I hope you find someone near you for the Staffie soon.

grrrranny The Cinnamon Trust has quite a few centres around the Country where you can contact them they also look for people who can walk a dog for a person who is unable to do so themselves,short term and long term fostering is such a good way to keep yourself involved.

Glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction.

The staff nurse is not able to pronounce on her needs - she needs a Community Care Assessment by the social worker who will look at everything and help you and her to make the right decisions for her. You need to ask for this from SSD and also a Carer's Assessment.

I could not count the number of times a member of the ward staff had made a pronouncement without ever seeing or investigating the home circumstances - when I did it was sometimes hard to imagine we were talking about the same person!

I do hope that things get sorted soon and that your poor mum is out of pain.