Unfair

How I hate all this. I think it is wrong that the people who are upset by certain members are the ones to leave and not the perpetrators of the upset. On another forum I am on they have a yellow card system, three strikes and you are off. This is becoming a very uncomfortable place to be. I have some amazing virtual friends from being on here, and other sites but am not prepared to accept the behaviour of some of the members of this forum and so will keep on posting about it until either they or I am booted off. I will not mention names, in principal, as I feel that is not necessary.
When I was trained to give critical feedback to students we were always told to give a positive sandwich. In other words tell them something good, then discuss the less good and finish with something good. It is a philosophy I have tried to follow and find it prevents hurt and upset, but thinking about it, however much we all suggest ways of wording comments I don't think those who think it ok to put others down would take any notice. I am not sure what the way forward is. There are always people who think it ok to offend and be unpleasant in this world and I suppose all we can do is treat them as naughty children, and not give them feedback. In other words, ignore them.....

Movedalot Anyone can report a post to GNHQ. If they consider that the post offends against GN guidelines, they will delete it, regardless of the length of membership of the poster. They will also delete a post that they have noticed is offending against GN guidelines.

Patronising is probably not against GNHQ guidelines as there are many examples of such posts still extant. Personal abuse, however is. Obviously, different people have different ideas about what constitutes abuse. You, of all, people, would not regard simple soul as abusive, for example.

My post that provoked all this quasi hysterical response has now been deleted.

I had no part in the deletion of Sel's post and there is nothing to stop her posting her clarifying words if she wishes to do so.

This is all becoming very boring.

Perhaps I didn't put it too well phoenix. What I mean is, Geraldine et al are women like the rest of us and are bound to feel more of a rapport with some posters than with others. Perhaps that's why ab some posters get away with murder.

And I do think Gransnet as a whole is aimed at the middle classes.

I would say, I like absent's posts and would miss her if she didn't post.

This is getting like the school i worked in ,the naughty kids got off with things they did or said ,the nice kids where punished

Quote Nanapug "This is becoming a very uncomfortable place to be".

WTF are you still doing here then? Why?!!

Is it patronising to tell someone what they have already said in their own post as if you are telling them something they didn't know?

If everyone left when it became uncomfortable, or when they were treated more roughly than they liked, then there would soon be no-one left but the gladiators and the lions. If they stay and keep posting the overall tone of the place will stay representative of the vast majority of members.

Well said Elegran. Stay and stand up for yourselves, you will be surprised at how much support you get if you do.

Because "JO7", on the whole I enjoy it, and how dare you speak to me like that. Who do you think you are? GNHQ if you wish to delete me that will be fine. I am appalled. I can not believe that someone thinks it is ok to behave in that manner. You have just proved the point that so many lovely, kind, caring people on here have been trying to make.

Sorry, but it was just an obvious question!

To you "JO7" maybe....

Sorry if I've spoiled your Sunday. Really.

You have certainly not spoilt my Sunday "JO7". I would not allow such a thing to ruin my day. Thank you for your apology.

JO I did not like what you said to nanapug there. That is not your usual cheeky-but-fun self, it was just a nasty dig. How the blazes can the forum stay inclusive when someone says that to someone else? and replying "Sorry, but it was just an obvious question! " does NOT absolve you from saying it.

If it worked like that, then torturing and killing another person would be OK if you followed it up by saying "Sorry, but it seemed a good idea at the time?"

Slow down, READ what you have written before you post it.

Dipped in once or twice..thought 'bugger it'.....see you in a few days

I'll join you in not being here, I think, when

Ditto Whenim. Although it might be longer than a few days.

"cheeky-but-fun self,"

How bloody patronising is that!

Hmm. I belong to two organisations that would ask the same question that jo asked, though possibly with slightly different words – the essential meaning would remain the same: if you're not enjoying this/are finding things uncomfortable, why are you still here? One is the Scout Association and one is Rotary. Both very respectable in their own ways. I don,t think there's anything wrong with the question at all. It seems a sensible thing to ask oneself, or to be asked, in the circumstances.

Besides, a few threads that one doesn't like should not spoil the rest of gransnet. Certainly doesn't for me.

Better than some of the things you could be called, JO, and I think I may have seen some criticism of you in the past, here and there. Believe it or not, I was being tactful! I should not have bothered, as you prefer staight talking.

I have read a lot of your posts, and usually you speak out but are not nasty with it, but you asked why she is still here, as though you think she should have gone away.

That seemed to me like the kind of dig that has sent you away at times. You have always returned eventually, under another name, but still recognisable, others might not come back. Do as you would be done by.

So right bags about the few threads.

elegran, I think jing's question, expressed in a typically jings direct way, was a natural response to what had gone before. To me it expressed surprise more than anything. When she realised it had been interpreted otherwise, she apologised. End of.

Oh dear! I forgot. I'm not supposed to try and explain how I interpret jing's remarks in case someone thinks we are the same person. [holdsbackguffawsatthethought]