Our Mums on Gransnet?

My Mum

I have a problem with my daughter as she thinks she is better than anyone else and yet she has a chip on her shoulder, I dont have much time for her because she gets lots of un deserved attention from her Dad and I have never got on with her at all.

MIL

She has taken my son away from me, he used to be very close to his sister, now he hardly ever sees her, who is going to help us pay the bills now he is marrying her.

My mother

Why has my DD1 gone and got married to that awful man who comes from an equal awful family? but then she never did anything I approved of anyway.Her two children are spoilt rotten, something I never did with my five.The house she lives in is in a horrible part of the city, there are so much nicer places she could have chosen to live, but then it is near his family so what do you expect.She tells me it is near where she works but that is no excuse.I would much prefer she lived where she was brought up.She says I am being selfish as I want her near so I can dominate her life.Then she has the cheek to complain that I dont visit her often and her children hardly know me.I like having her coming to visit but really after one hour I have had enough, especially when she brings her awful husband as well.Her dad and I cant stand him.

MIL

Why did my DS have to get married and not want to live with me anymore?.I am just a poor widow and relied on his wages to keep me because my pension is not enough.Now he has gone and got himself married to a girl who wants her own house and spends his money like water, money he should be giving to me.After all, I was the one who brought him up.If they lived with me I would not mind so much, as she works as well and that would be two wages coming in.But no she wants to take him away and throw away his money on buying her a house.His dad and I lived in one room when we got married so that should be good enough for them as well.She refuse to listen to my advice on looking after children.I have had two of my own and worked as a mother's help to posh people.Because she is a nurse she thinks she knows it all.I mean she will not give her children dummies, every baby needs a dummy to stop them feeling deprived.When I mind them for her I give them a dummy and she goes mad.All this modern faff about not giving them proper food as well.Both of mine were eating mince and mash potatoes at three months old it never did them any harm they just ate what I ate, no money around for fancy baby milk and strained foods.One day she will learn.
/

My mother used to write to the papers a lot and would probably felt right at home on Gransnet. She would probably have taken up permanent residence in Pedant's Corner! I like to think I'm more liberal minded than her - but I could be wrong.

My Mother:

Her, don't think about her much. She had 3 boys but of course they won't carry the family name. My favourite had 3 girls so they don't either. DS didn't marry any of them so he is no help but I do see him often, when he needs money for something. Oh you want me to talk about her, well what can I say? She married a nice enough man, can't remember his name, and they seem to be alright.

My FiL (because MiL died a few months after we married)

"She is doing a good job of bringing up those boys". I don't understand their lives and it worries me that they bought the house jointly as she isn't working to pay off her share. She is a very good cook and feeds me well and I am always welcome at their house. If I don't go to them they come to me and they took me on holiday with them. She is a good manager and looks after the house. She speaks nicely too!

Mother: AIBU to think that my DD and her children should visit me lots - I know I spend the whole time belittling her Dad and dragging the GC into this, but she should be used to it after being brought up by us, so why does she stay away?

MIL: AIBU to think that my DIL should bring the children to visit, but that my OH and I should be allowed to sleep for large parts of the day without them making a noise? When we ask for the GC to be quiet my DIL insists on taking them into the garden - but that's no good - I don't want the neighbours disturbed. Why can't her children be seen and not heard like our were?

My mother: I will build you some wardrobe doors for your three children's bedrooms. I am making you a coffee table. I started classes for making stained glass last week. Now I am making myself some folding doors for my lounge and have inserted four matching panels of irises made in stained glass, what do you think of them? I am bringing your washing in, it will get damp out there if you leave it much longer. I will come over and help you dig up those weeds, it should only take a few days. I will come and help you paint your house. Can you come over and help me dig a ditch, I want to put in some underground sprinklers in my garden. I will make a coat for K.. We can go and get the material now, I will make other GDs one each too.

My mother in law: Hark at her Jack. She is fussy. Are you awake yet, (screeching loudly every time she knocked on my door when visiting). GC have grown so much since we last saw them, (only MIL could see children's growth every two weeks. You don't appreciate my son and he is such a hard worker.

Bagd Yes, some of my script was actually word for word too.

granny23 brilliant thread.

This is what both my Mum and MIL would have said 40+ years ago.

My Mother
AIBU to push DD1 into finding someone settling down and getting married, why would she want to go into further education when she can get married and be a SAHM.

My MIL
AIBU to expect my DS1 to have found someone who actually knows how to keep a house and cook.

My mother:

Oh dear what have I ever done to deserve this? She is only 18 and having a baby , the shame of it . What on earth will I tell them at work? Oh god her dad will go bloody mad. I didn't even know she knew about THAT stuff. I deliberately stopped her from seeing that dirty sex education film at school as well, I just can't understand it. She will have to marry him and bloody well quick as well.

More recently:

Where the hell is she? she was supposed to be here at 2 and its almost quarter past. I bet she was in that ambulance that passed half an hour ago. I will ring her workplace just to double check. Oh I hope she managed to get me that small brown loaf and the two bananas before she was involved in that motorway pile up

It is an interesting thread. Not only is it fascinating to read of others' relationships but I think we can gain insight into gransnetters' personalities from the way different individuals feel they are perceived by others.

It was good to reflect on the views my mum and MIL might have had as both have been dead for several years. I think I have more empathy with their feelings as I have grown older than I might have done when they were alive.

They both actually said those things

Mother: Guess what she's planning now? Remember this is Bags we're talking about. Can you belieeeeve it?

Mother-in-law: We were surprised when we realised he had a girlfriend. After that nothing surprised us.

Agree GA

Granny23 this is such an interesting thread. Thanks.

Mother what she wanted......a pretty blonde blue eyed girly girl in frilly dresses.
What she got.....me fat,four eyes,scruff bag that rolled in mud and dirt.
Mind you I have a good looking son .....high hopes for him...

MIL I am busy having my own baby at 44 my two boys have a gap of 10 years,and my new daughter is after a gap of 10 years.....well she's welcome to him he's not all there and trouble...

MIL2 after three sons that don't talk to each other here is the daughter I always wanted we can have cosy sessions on cooking and knitting,she tries hard not to be on her own with me it's almost as though she feels trapped when I am near.
She's a good wife to my boy looks after him my youngest he's quite tricky to handle children well looked after ..

MIL3 if she where still with us,would hopefully have given me a chance to show that I am a good catch for her son even though on paper we are not a good match

My mother:
DD1 is married and is currently at home looking after their children. Her DH has a professional job so they are comfortably off. I do worry about my two younger daughters struggling to buy and run a property with only one income.

This was in the 1970s when houses were considerably cheaper. It never occurred to my DM that my sisters were actually better off than us. We had one wage earner who was supporting a household of four people. My sisters had only one person to support with their incomes and as they were both graduates in well paid work their income was not far off DH's. I was home for 7 years but went back to work as soon as it was practicable. I reckon we were not as well off as my sisters until DC left school.

My mother in law:
DH and I will be going to Northampton on the bus today as DH has a hospital appointment. As we are travelling the 20 miles to Northampton we have decided we might as well keep going and travel on to the Kent coast where DS and family are on holiday. AS DH is not long out of hospital I have booked an ensuite room with sea view in the best hotel I can locate.

And they arrived at our self-catering accommadation at 8.00pm that evening, to everybodies delight and we had a lovely holiday together.

MOTHER: My daughter's always been the sensible one, but when she was little she sounded like she'd swallowed a dictionary - I didn't understand what she was saying half the time. She went to university, she's good at getting things done and she's a great help to her siblings and their children. I was shocked when her husband left her, but she's really lucky that her new husband's a wonderful man. I didn't think it would last because he's ten years younger than her and she had three children - but they're still like teenagers together after 26 years so I was wrong. She's very lucky to have got such a good husband.

MIL: I was desperately worried when my son told me he was in love with a woman who was a divorced mother of three and ten years younger than him. I decided to support them as my son is very mature and was quite certain that she was the 'one'. Now I can honestly say (and do) that my daughter in law is my best friend. She's more than returned our support over the years and we would have been lost without her help when we've had difficult family matters to deal with. I love her.

MOTHER: She's a wonderful daughter. She's looked after me so well since her father died. She takes me shopping twice a week and for days out. I go on holiday with her and her DH every year. She married a lovely kind man who is always willing to do DIY for me. Her children are well behaved and always clean and tidy. Although I can't always say the same for her house !

MIL: (died whilst I was PG with 1st baby) I'm not that close to DIL but she's polite to me and seems to care about our K. They live in her home town about 90min by train away. So don't see much of them. I gave K a some money from his dad's life insurance to do work in the house. She seemed genuinely greatful. I suppose he could have done worse.

Mum: I know she did very well to pass her eleven plus and go to the high school but why does she want to go away to university when she could stay here, get a good office job and marry a local boy? No-one else in our family has moved away from home and I'll miss her because she's my only one.

Later: I quite liked her husband when she first met him even though he had long hair and I couldn't really understand what he was talking about. Between them they've given me three beautiful grandchildren and I have the relationship with them I wish I could have had with my daughter. I look after them a lot and although I love it I don't think my daughter and son-in-law appreciate how much I do for them (true )

MIL: I just don't understand that girl, she's much too quiet. She spoils those children, lets them sleep in their bed and she's been breast feeding for far too long. If she'd had five like I did she would have had to have more of a routine.
(I think (hope) MIL grew to like me in the end.)

That's sad Stansgran

I'm sure you are not anything like as bad as my mum. Some of the things she has done to me and mine were certainly not her trying to do her best for me, as I'm sure would be your intention.

Galen said she loved her Mum but I don't think I would say that. She has caused me loads of pain but I do know that I will always make sure I do my best for her.

I'm not sure which one of them I am but I had a horrible few days when DD 2 told me that I shouldn't offer help to either DD unless asked. Seem to be thought of as interfering and critical. I was on the point of asking kitty and Galen for advice as they had /have dreadful mothers whom they love. (On another thread) I still want them to love me obviously not as much as I love them.

Two when!

Not on topic but I bought some Blue Nun the other day to see if it was as 'good' as I remembered. Hmm, maybe use it for cooking

Tried Mateus Rose not so long ago too - yeuk.

Sorry, as you were!!

My mother:
Why she can't leave things and stop asking incessant questions, I'll never understand. She seems to expect me and her dad to be all touchy-feely and we're just not like that. She's brainy, but then she got that from me. I worry that she'll open her mouth once too often, and she'll upset her in-laws. We get along ok as neighbours, but it would be very diffcult for us if she fell out with them. Has she thought about us coping with them so nearby, if she divorces him?

My MIL:
She's a bit too modern for my liking. All this talk of having a career when she's got those four lovely children. I notice that she likes her wine - a schooner full is enough for me, with soda water. She had two schooners of Blue Nun with Sunday lunch, and made my son drive them home. Not sure I like her sitting in the corner 'nursing' her babies. In my day, that sort of thing was done in the bedroom, not in front of company!

My mother was a very fast and extremely accurate typist, so any mistakes in the following are not her fault.

My mother: I think she tries to do much and she gets little or no help from her husband. He's a nice enough chap but spends too much time and too much money in the pub. If he's at home on a Saturday or Sunday he takes the baby to the park but otherwise everything is left to her. I wish she'd wear more clothes; it's not surprising she catches colds so often. I think the time has come to stop breastfeeding now – it's getting on for a year.

My mother-in-law (1): She is a bad wife, a bad mother and a bad person. She has no interest in sport. What man wants a wife who can't talk about football and hates boxing? I would be ashamed of myself if I were the one who paid the household bills and bought the food – who does she think she is? They should come to see us every other weekend and invite us to visit them on the alternate weekends just like the nice couple who live next door. No wonder I hung up the phone when he rang to tell me they were engaged.

My mother-in-law (2) She looks after "the boy" very well. They are very happy together and she's a great cook.

shysal

My mother: She never tells me anything. Since she got divorced I don't know what she's up to. Running around with younger men I suspect. I hope she's heard about AIDS. I wish she'd tell me everything. Doesn't she realise that I worry about her?

MIL1: That girl has no standards at all. Her house is a tip and she doesn't know how to cook. She's totally focussed on the children and doesn't look after my son properly at all.
MIL2: (early days) I do wish he would find himself a nice catholic girl who would make sure he doesn't get lost to the faith. One that lives near here, preferably who would get him to move back and then have lots of children. And what has he done - taken up with a divorced woman who is 10 years older than him, got two teenagers and is not even a Christian.

(ps MIL she loves me now - i am just speculating about first impressions)