Where are the lovely Grandpas?

We are not talking about "the world" but a site to which we all subscribe of our own volition and in which our identitites are protected if we so wish. We have accepted that GNHQ is able to intervene if what people say oversteps the mark and if there is a need for moderation of either behaviour or language I prefer to rely on HQ's impartiality rather than take "the law" into our own hands. We each know the rules and have chosen to abide by them. IMHO too much self-righteous hot air has been generated in a situation which had already been adequately dealt with .

Well clearly we've reached an impasse and none of us is going to change our minds - I'm just glad that the poster in question has been spoken to and hopefully will moderate his behaviour. I won't even begin to debate the notion of a world in which we can all look after ourselves as grown-ups and the difference between a sock drawer and salacious, suggestive comments. People can't say what they want with impunity in the real world but anyway, time to sign off this thread.

Precisely, gm. I am grown up enough to look after myself and think we won't get many men at all if they feel they have to be circumspect.

The real world is full of all sorts of people and we have to learn to cope with them - why should the virtual world be any different.

I am always slightly sceptical when anyone claims that they are not necessarily bothered by that they are objecting to, but looking at the bigger picture and a wider set of responsibilities.
We are not talking about child abuse, we are no talking about domestic violence, we are not talking about obscene or threatening behaviour, but about a person's (or morepeople's) personal objection to possibly suggestive remarks or comments.
If I object to something I will report it and yes, I do trust GNHQ to be responsible and take appropriate action if they deem it necessary. But we are not children who need to be "policed" or "protected."
There are many of us who make comments which could be interpreted as being demeaning to men if one were so inclined (Mine about men and their sock drawer, for instance!) but if we are to jump up and down to the point where a man feels inhibited from posting, precisely because he is a man and therefore subject to more stringent scrutiny, then we cease to be an inclusive site.
So by all means report or object to posts which offend you - but not in my name. I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

I agree jess.

As I said to ariadne it was not unkindly meant. But perhaps you did not read that post?
But I stand by the statement that this behaviour is very rare on GN and by no means the norm.
If you read my comments of 19.04 last night then you will see that I made a similar observation about how GNners treat some men.
If a post is offensive, report it. If it is childish, ignore it.

I find it somewhat ironic that we are having this discussion at the same time as the webcast on 1 billion rising - couldn't possibly be any connection between the issues?

I meant you Jess

Just catching up on the 1 billion rising when I came across this post from you -I can't reconcile the sentiments in it to your unkind response to me

Great post when.
Be nice to see some men only classes are needed in some local leisure centres. There is a clear need for education. I might suggest some classes:
Awareness of gender issues in the 21st century.
Anger management
Emotional literacy
The difference between respecting and patronising women

Agreed, Bluebell you only have to read some of the comments on news articles to realise that there are some people (mostly men) who love to crash into any discussion and pepper it with irelevant salaciousness and obscenities. Not the kind that are witty sidelights on the discussion, just them doing the virtual equivalent of flashing. If it seems to be unopposed, they go further and further, and others find the thread on Google and join in. Bin 'em.

What's so odd is the assumption that I'm just doing this because I'm bothered- taking action can be more than that, there's a bigger picture and a wider set of responsibilities to engage with. In one of my day jobs I frequently see the consequences of people ignoring behaviour that didn't bother them without considering their responsibilities towards those who were bothered. Haven't we seen enough in the press over the last few months to exemplify that? And Jess, I was not unreasonble angry - it was a very well-reasoned thought out anger not based on personal experience but a well-informed view based on wide experience and intelligent reflection that men like him, making comments like that, feed into a world in which women feel they have to go along with unacceptable male behaviour and say nothing and that if they do, they will not be believed or told to get over it or go for a long walk. Why can't a strongly held view be just that and not the result of some Freudian early childhood experience (although I fully accept that that does happen of course)- that trivialises what people say and believe. I might ask why some Gners are so keen to infantalise men and think they should be ignoredand treated like naughty boys rather that stood upto?

Understood; but once again, it's a question of how one "hears" a post.

I have put my point of view; it was not only innuendo etc that was irritating me. As always, GNs good advice is to walk away. So I will.

I am not meaning it unkindly ariadne - I have found in my life that if someone really gets under my skin it is often something unresolved in my own past and not the actual person in front of me.
I was once in a training course on some management subject and one of the other participants was a head teacher. I found myself feeling unreasonably angry with him as the morning progressed - really furious with him (and i don't often get angry). Most unpleasant for me trying to control it.
Went for a walk at lunch time and realised that the two abusive men in my life had both been head teachers! (step father and ex H)
Phew. The upwelling anger disappeared and I had a much more pleasant afternoon. He was just mildly irritating from there on.

I agree with your first paragraph, Jess. I have found some posts distasteful, and have reported them. Mostly it is best to walk away - I agree with that too.

But I am surprised by your final paragraph, it seems unlike you.

Bluebell you are making it sound as if the threads on GN are beset by male innuendo. While there are occasional outbreaks I agree with the comments above that this is actually fairly rare. If ignored, it will stop. If it really offends report it. It is gauche attention seeking behaviour.
If it is really bothering you then maybe you need to go for a long walk, or take a long bath and figure out why it is bothering you so much.

Hooray! Thanks, grumppa

Thank you, Ariadne and merlotgran. I shall endeavour to continue to uphold the standards of Gransnet, and make up for some of the frankly odd contributions I have noticed from others of my sex!

The posts messenger made this morning were deleted ages ago, bluebell.

Unless I've got it completely wrong, which I may have, I think bluebell is referring to one particular person who had a not so hidden (in fact so not hidden as to be blatant) agenda behind even signing up to GN in the first place.

I seem to remember he was quite up front from the word go, and had misunderstood the "chat" heading in the forums list.

I still go back to my earlier comment about other people posting "round" him, which could be the best way to go.

With regard to some of the comments he made in response to others on the thread, I think some people who had not encountered him before may have given replies that had they known what he had posted on previous occasions, didn't realise that it would be taken at face value, not seen as the jocular remark that was intended.

Are we talking Twitter here? #confusedthoughtitwasgransnet

Just heard from GNHQ - finally got one of his sleazey tweets deleted!

Yep - I think it is.

Well that's all right then!

Well all I can say is we clearly haven't been reading the same threads - and I try to read most of all new posts (maybe not always politics....... ) If I think something is inappropriate I report it toGNHQ and trust in their common sense whether to take action or not.

But he's not a small child - why should we have to put up with it? Or is this all part of the boys will be boys approach which allows males to get away with behaviour that wouldn't be tolerated in females?